And just like that, the big dance is finally upon us! That is, for the thousands of
lucky bastards coaches who reigned supreme in prelim weekend! Undoubtedly a mixture of heartbreak and pure elation all over Fantasy land as losers bring on Mad Monday and winners look ahead to the climax… Hopefully you are one of those playing for more than pride in round 23!
22 down, 1 to go… Time for The Weekend That Was!
St Kilda vs Brisbane Lions
Marshall (118) – Elite. Only the 20 disposals this time for the Marshmallow but with Ryder out of the side its about $1.01 for the big fella to ton up! 79% of the competition missing out on this have surely waved the white flag?
Crouch (108) – Second top-scorer on the night as Crouch continued his rich vein of form! I flagged him during the week as someone to target if you are looking for a unique flavour! A shame he went and knocked Gardiner into next week… I’d say curtains to his season (as well as the Sainters). Although, stranger things have happened!
Windhager (84) –
From all non-Neale owners… Ta Windy!
Luggage (76) – Jeepers… Had less kicks than he has letters in his surname! To be fair it is an abnormally long surname but you get my drift!
Steele (65) – No amount of man crush saves Steeley from a mention in the ‘duds’ this week! From memory had just one handball to quarter time… avoiding the pill like the plague to end the night with a paltry 13 possessions and 2 marks.
Neale (60) – Okay, he was dry humped by Windy but seriously, this bloke couldn’t beat a tag if his life depended on it! Finished with 0 marks on the night and left half the competition wondering why they bother playing this sh*thouse game!
Coleman (58) – Oh Kiddy. It was set up nicely for you under the roof on a big Friday night and you proceed to ruin 7% of the competition’s weekend before it even started. Good onya chief!
King (49) – 0.5 in front of the big sticks… I’m more accurate in front of the shitter 12 beers deep!
Western Bulldogs vs GWS
Kelly (142) –
Coaches with Kelly unique in a prelim final…
Cogs (121) – Since moving back where he belongs in the midfield, Cogs has nine tons in eleven games with a low score of 88… A prime example of what happens when you play a bloke in their preferred position (take note Matty Nicks)!
Whit (121) – The best of Lachie Whitfield has come to the party at exactly the right time! Backed up his 112 last weekend with a huge 29 touch, 13 mark game.
Himmelberg (120) – Continued on the points fest for the… Orange team with 30 touches and 12 marks of his own! Harry has been a revelation since moving down back and cashed in on the fantasy friendly role.
Dale (104) – Top scorer for the Dogs including a clutch intercept mark in the dying stages… broke a run of military mediocrity with a timely ton.
Treloar (79) – Not even close to acceptable. Got a bit of the footy but his inability to fill the stat sheet has hurt Treloar and his owners the past two weeks particularly!
English (69) – Let’s just say, thank f*ck I didn’t have you as a unique, Tim. If Sweet/
Maretin Martin are named again in R23, there’s a clear rationale to trade the two metre ghost!
Crom vs Norf
LDU (129) – Basically put the entire club on his back for the first two and a half quarters in another epic UDL performance. As soon as he faded, so did any sniff of a Norf victory!
Dawson (129) – Awesome. Seemed to be running around unopposed doing basically whatever he wanted! Calling for a handball received in a stationary position – very little use to Crom but as Fantasy coaches, you love to see it.
Hall (113) – The fact that prior to this round, Hall only needed to get through two games of footy made him a juicy proposition! Continued with his piss easy half-back role, racking up 28 touches and 6 marks.
Cunnington (62) – Inspirational irrespective of Fantasy score. Welcome back, Cunners! The biggest highlight in another grim season for Norf!
Laird (92) – Well… That was weird! Incredibly, this only brings the Desk Rig’s average down to 120.6 for the season! Salvaged what could have been an absolute stinker with a 59 points second half.
Keays (72) – Riddle me this… I spend my Saturday arvo being pelted with paintballs to miss Keays’ first half of 50+ thinking “yep, some semblance of a midfield role must be back!” I then proceed home to watch Benny run around like a headless chook on a half-forward flank for an hour culminating in a <20 point second half. Predictable shenanigans from Nicksy!
Anderson (59) – In fairness, Ando did get poleaxed in a marking contest and somehow re-entered the game… Stiff for owners who already have a forced trade to contend with!
Gold Coast vs Geelong
Miller (133) – Jet. The heart and soul of the Gold Coast Suns and 32% of the competitions fantasy squads. After being dry-humped by Maginness last week, was allowed to roam free for 36 disposals and 8 marks!
Guthrie (114) – Broke a run of four straight sub-ton scores by beating up on the hapless Suns… Just quietly, the man is a vulture when it comes to easy match-ups and has West Coast coming.
Cameron (110) – Speaking of vultures… No doubt the Cats will be trying to feed Jezza who sits three goals behind Curnow in the Coleman! Cats play before the Blues in R23 so they’ll be doing everything they can to give him a sizeable lead. Could be a cheeky buy!
Rowell (68) –
Rowelly attempting to mark the footy… Just ticked his average over to one mark per game!
Melbourne vs Carlton
Brayshaw (123) – There’s a reason why Melbourne have locked Bray away until the end of 2028… This is why. He can dominate across half-back and go into the midfield as we’ve seen in the past three weeks and still be a significant contributor! 38 touches including 19 contested possessions in a massive prelim performance.
Doch (123) – This could have been anything with Doch strolling his way to 70 midway through Q2… He did simmer in Q3 but still notched up a huge score with a season high 10 tackles. A fantasy legend in every sense of the word!
Cripps (118) – Speaking of legends… Regardless of your position on Crippa’s high bump on Callum Ah Chee, this was him at his best. A trademark 12 tackles, 10 clearances and 16 contested possessions getting his nose in the trough for the Blues… A shame the so called ‘Flagbaggers’ snatched defeat from the jaws of victory!
Max (115) – Standard stuff from Maxxy. If he’s not dominating the hit outs, he knows how to get it done in other ways! 20 touches, 7 marks and a sausage roll to the big fella.
Walsh (79) – With 27 touches on the night coaches would be forgiven for thinking “ton incoming!” Sadly, Walsh did bugger all other than this with 18 of his 27 possessions handballs. Seems to have been handball happy most of the season culminating in a frustrating watch at times!
Petracca (78) – Petrappa back at it again with his second sub-80 score in the past month… Be better, Christian.
Jackson (74) – He’s doing nothing to shake the “one-hit wonder” label tossed at him by yours truly about six weeks ago…
Freo vs West Coast
Darcy (147) – Enormous! Tore Naitanui and co. a new one with 56 hit outs to go with 16 touches, 5 marks, 6 tackles and a goal. He’s always had this in him, just a shame he has taken 22 weeks to figure it out!
Duggan (136) –
Hurn (115) – Not sure what Hurn has put in his arthritis topical cream to conjure up this renaissance! Old man gags aside, he is winding the clock back with five tons in his past six outings.
Brayshaw (78) – Typical. The saying “lightning strikes twice” comes to mind when describing this royal stitch up! Bray, I’ve captained you twice since bringing you in after R14 and you’ve dished up an 80 and a 78. Once again, thank f*ck my opponent had you and was also braindead enough to trust you with the C!
Gaff (62) – On a positive note, didn’t whack Brayshaw into next year…
Richmond vs Hawthorn
Lynch (134) – Shat all over a hapless Hawks defence on his way to 8.0 in front of the big sticks. A warning shot fired to the rest of the competitions defensive units!
Sicily (116) – Hahaha what a meme! We knew the Hawks were going to throw caution to the wind but Sam Mitchell (Sitch) must have been severely impaired when he decided to let Lynchy ragdoll a couple of youngsters from the Hawks back six! Meanwhile, Sic just trotted around off the back of stoppages being avoided like a bad smell to rack up 70 to half-time. Eventually, Sitch came to his senses and surprise surprise, Lynch was held goalless in Q4 to ensure they only got d*cked by ten goals as opposed to 15!
Mitchell (104) – Time on ground, 72%. Sitch clearly hates Titch but that won’t deny the Pig from tonning up when it matters most!
Bolton (53) – Another big scalp for Finn Maginess. While in fantasy circles we loathe these
untalented hacks taggers, he has found a role that Fantasy coaches will need to consider beyond 2022 you would suspect!
Sydney vs Collingwood
Mills (129) – This bloke does it all. Pills, thrills, midfield, wing, fullback, everything! Not gonna lie it was a difficult watch as a non-owner and unique for my prelim opposition.
Parker (113) – Can’t believe I’ve waited this long to trade in the gun Swan! He embodies the bloods culture with the way he goes about it and his Fantasy scoring has been equally as delicious of late. Snuck in a kick in the last minute to get the 25+ disposals over the line if anyone had a cheeky multi!
Lloyd (99) –
Owners witnessing Lloyd’s cheap +12 deep into junk time…
Crisp (75) – Argghhh for f*ck sake Jack! A ton from you is about as rare as hens teeth these days! Coaches will be understandably seething… Bit of extra rage to the obligatory Monday night ‘rage trade’!
N.Daicos (63) – If you still somehow own in classic, all it deserved! Did cop the extra attention as forecasted but worked his way into the game in the final three quarters.
Essendon vs Port Adelaide
Houston (136) – When it comes to a piss easy match-up, Houston is like a seagull to hot chips… A Sunday evening picnic for Dan as he racked up some of the easiest points of his career against glorified traffic cones!
Wines (123) – Square head himself joined the party with 31 disposals, 6 marks and 6 tackles. Hasn’t reached anywhere near the giddy heights of season 2021 but will have helped someone out there over the line in a prelim!
Rozee (115) – After battling through knee soreness last week, Rozee bounced back to get his lick of the ice-cream with 28 disposals, 7 marks and 6 tackles!
Butters (114) – And here I was thinking Dayne ‘Spaghetti Strings’ Zorko was living rent free in my head… Get a load of this minion! Has more tons in the last three weeks than he had for the rest of the season when we were all relying on him!
Ridley (109) –
Marett Merrett (86) – Thankfully, did just enough to get me to a Granny but jeepers, for a guy who plays on ball he sure knows how to go missing for extended periods! Tigers @ the G won’t be any easier…
Redman (75) – Ahhh Mason you absolute tosser. Since mentioning you as a ‘buy’ about two weeks ago, you’ve developed swollen head syndrome to average 65…
The Juggernaut Review
2223. Another dogsh*t score but somehow scraped into a Grand final by a bee’s dick! As all of my loyal followers will recall, this happens to be ‘my most important’ league 😜!
I’d love to say it’s a showdown between the two best squads but lets be real, it’s about 1st vs 6th… Genuine Bradbury vibes if the Juggernauts can pull this out of their ass! Fair to say there are a lot of problems in my line-up but at this stage I have no idea what I’ll be doing. Frankly, I can’t believe we’ve made it this far! Fantasy footy is a funny game at times…
Looking ahead, after 22 weeks of going toe-to-toe with your mates (let alone the other 130K+ squads), it all comes down to this. Again, there is no next week so trading for match ups is a logical strategy! There are bound to be plenty of diamonds in the rough, hopefully you latch on to a winner. Be sure to take a squizz at your opponent and size up whether there are any unique selections that you need to neutralise… I did have grand plans to bring in R.Laird for R22 until Mitch Duncan’s osteoarthritis flared up! Turns out I got lucky and didn’t need him anyway and managed to get Luke Parker and his 120 unique. Sometimes, luck is a fortune!
Happy trading and good luck to all coaches who find themselves in a Granny. May the best (or most kissed!) team win!
Thanks again legends and flex how you went in the comments!
Yours in Fantasy,
Fantasy Fanatic #70