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The Weekend That Was: Round 23 (Big Dance)

For the final time this year, here’s the weekend that was.

And just like that we say goodbye to the 2022 Fantasy season… Hopefully you were able to bring some respectable scoring to the table to finish the season on a high, unlike yours truly who has been in complete damage control since about R10! Congratulations are in order for thousands of coaches who got the W while thousands of others will be heading into Mad Monday wondering where it all went wrong.

Without further ado, here is your final¬†‚ÄėThe Weekend That Was‚Äô¬†for season 2022!

Brisbane Lions vs Melbourne 


Neale (109)¬†‚Äď One of about a handful of¬†Lions¬†that can hold his head high‚Ķ Was allowed to roam free and cashed in with¬†29 disposals, 3 marks¬†and¬†6 tackles!

Petracca (107)¬†‚Äď In a¬†class of his own¬†when it comes to the big stage. Seemed to be taking the mickey with some of the stuff he conjured up on¬†Friday night!¬†Looks set for another huge final series (not that that really matters for us Fantasy coaches!).

Oliver (106)¬†‚Äď Niiiiiiice Clarry! A classic Oliver performance with¬†30 touches, 20 contested possessions¬†and a whopping¬†13 clearances¬†in the Dees engine room.


Gawn (77)¬†‚Äď Gee that was hard to watch‚Ķ Never really recovered after a¬†poxxy 10pt Q1!¬†The Dees didn‚Äôt really need him but Fantasy coaches did. I‚Äôd love to say¬†‚Äúlift!‚Ä̬†but do we really need to see the¬†Dees go¬†back to back?

Zorko (69)¬†‚ÄstPassenger.¬†A f*cking¬†unique passenger¬†at that! What hope are we when you were more concerned with¬†starting a physical or verbal fraca than getting a kick, Dayne?!¬†Head couldn‚Äôt be further up your ass.

Rich (68)¬†‚Äď


Gordon’s reaction to coaches who took a punt on Dan… Richly deserved!

GWS vs Freo


Brodie (117)¬†‚ÄstGun.¬†Capped off a stellar Fantasy season with another typical¬†Will Brodie¬†performance. You come to appreciate how good the lad is at¬†stoppage¬†when you actually get to a game live! Has to be a frontrunner for¬†mid-pricer of the season.

Taylor (109)¬†‚Äď Completely irrelevant in Fantasy but just quietly‚Ķ.¬†3 votes S.Taylor.¬†Giants lose by¬†six to eight goals¬†without the one man brick wall!


Brayshaw (89)¬†‚Äď Not sure if it was the¬†comparatively cooler conditions,¬†but it was as if Bray lost all¬†concept of how to play footy¬†in the first half with a¬†measly 26 to the main break!¬†Thankfully, he pulled his finger out whilst copping a bit of attention from the¬†defensive-minded Perryman.

Cogs (80)¬†‚ÄstBorderline fraudulent.¬†This was¬†Cogs‚Äô worst score since R9¬†and of course, for the first time in about¬†ten weeks¬†he just happens to be a unique‚Ķ Awesome! No where near good enough, particularly when the¬†Big Dance¬†matchup gives your Bradbury vibes (read¬†‚ÄėThe Juggernaut Review‚Äô¬†from last week for context!).

Taranto (71)¬†‚Äď Just quietly,¬†kicked an elite goal right in front of bay 11¬†but that won‚Äôt get the job when it comes to the¬†cut and thrust of the Big Dance,¬†Tim. Was probably looking ahead to¬†Mad Monday¬†after an insipid second half‚Ķ

Whitfield (70)¬†‚Äď Mediocrity was the order of the day and apparently¬†Sh*tters¬†Whitters¬†got the memo‚Ķ¬†15 disposals¬†and¬†1 goal¬†from the¬†resident astronaut!¬†May have even done enough to land on a few coaches ‚ÄėNever again list‚Äô!

Himmelberg (67)¬†‚Äď Coaches would have been¬†cock-a-hoop¬†when they found out Himmelberg was¬†warming up with the back-six pre-game‚Ķ¬†Fast forward two and a half hours and he not only took¬†15 minutes¬†to get his first touch, he got¬†rag dolled in the ruck¬†and even went¬†forward in Q4‚Ķ

Darcy (61)¬†‚Äď


Pep had Darcy unique after his monstrous 147 last week…

Green (57)¬†‚Äď We had Duds popping out of the sprinkler on¬†Saturday arvo in Canberra¬†and the man with his¬†own f*cking fan club¬†didn‚Äôt fare any better!

Norf vs Gold Coast


Swallow (140)¬†‚Äď The heart and soul of the¬†Gold Coast Suns¬†who, just quietly, finished the season with¬†three¬†out of four 100+ scores!¬†Talk about coming up clutch! Several of our¬†spuds¬†could learn a thing or two from him‚Ķ

Taylor (116)¬†‚Äď


Greenwood (115)¬†‚Äď Talk about taking the P155 out of the system‚Ķ Basically¬†walked from Gold Coast¬†for a pie and coke zero in one of the biggest steals in history. When you‚Äôre asked to define¬†‚Äúdaylight robbery‚Ä̬†without using the words¬†‚Äúdaylight robbery‚ÄĚ,¬†this is it!

Anderson (114)¬†‚Äď Now this bloke can play. Averaged¬†98 in his third season¬†in the game in a mediocre team! After another¬†big preseason¬†under the belt (pending no setbacks!), could Ando be one to¬†breakout¬†to elevate himself to an¬†elite midfielder?¬†Only time will tell but I‚Äôm sure plenty of¬†Fantasy coaches¬†will be¬†watching¬†him closely over the¬†preseason!


Literally no one relevant… You’d think it’s a bit strange but given we are dealing with the two most irrelevant clubs going around, not that hard to fathom! At least Norf have finally landed a big fish…

Geelong vs West Coast 


Hurn (118)¬†‚Äď Make that¬†6/7 tons¬†for the evergreen veteran!¬†Cheeky POD¬†who has been well worth it over the past eight weeks of footy.

Duggan (108)¬†‚Äď Probably the least impactful¬†108 fantasy points¬†you will ever see!¬†Akin to Jack Ziebell of 2021,¬†chipping it around in D50 until they are forced to¬†flog the ball¬†as far away as possible, only for it to¬†come back within the minute!¬†A¬†couple of tons¬†on the trot for any¬†draft owners¬†out there.

Tom-a-Hawk¬†(107)¬†‚Äď Anyone chasing a bag of goals would have been well pleased! Could have been¬†120+¬†if Scotty didn‚Äôt pull him off¬†deep into Q4‚Ķ

Danger (75)¬†‚Äst300 games, legend.¬†Love him or hate him,¬†Danger¬†will go down as a pioneer of our great game when it‚Äôs all said and done!¬†No longer Fantasy relevant¬†but a credit to him that he continues to impact games at the¬†ripe old age of 32¬†(probably about average age down at the¬†Kardinia Retirement Village!).


Stewart (84)¬†‚Äď This game was perfectly set for¬†Stew to dine out on bulk +6‚Äôs‚Ķ¬†In his defence, the ball rarely entered their D50!

Guthrie (40) ‚Äď


Essendon vs Richmond 


Prestia (129)¬†‚Äď Not Fantasy relevant, but the¬†Human Meatball¬†is heating up at exactly the right time for Tiges fans! Huge for draft owners!

Lynch (127)¬†‚Äď Much like the¬†Tom-a-Hawk,¬†coaches chasing a bag would have been tickled pink with¬†Big Tommy¬†finishing the night with¬†five snags!¬†This could have been¬†150+¬†but he was¬†subbed out in Q4‚Ķ¬†Hopefully for Tiges fans this was nothing more than tactical.

Merrett (125)¬†‚Äď Now that‚Äôs more like it,¬†Zac!¬†After a¬†pair of mares,¬†Merrett¬†roamed free with a huge first quarter comprising¬†15 touches.¬†He didn‚Äôt slow down, finishing the night with¬†37 touches¬†and¬†6 tackles!


Redman (47)¬†‚ÄstCrab.¬†Yours truly must have well and truly been¬†braindead¬†the day this¬†flog¬†got a mention as a¬†‚ÄėBuy‚Äô.¬†Since then,¬†Redman has averaged 59‚Ķ¬†Yeah, just let that sink in!

Bolton (40)¬†‚Äď Not sure what happened here but I¬†don‚Äôt think Richmond will give a rats tossbag‚Ķ¬†As long as¬†Bolton¬†is at his devastating best come proper finals in a fortnight‚Äôs time!

Port Adelaide vs Crom 


Rozee (144)¬†‚ÄstBoom!¬†A worthy winner of the showdown medal with a huge night at the office.¬†34 disposals, 8 tackles¬†and a¬†goal¬†in what Port fans will hope is a teaser for what is to come in¬†2023¬†and beyond.¬†If you managed to have him unique in a GF match-up, this could have been the difference!

ROB (128)¬†‚Äď Shat all over the ruck-less Port with¬†50 hitouts¬†to go with¬†18 touches¬†and a¬†sausage roll!¬†Kudos to those paying attention to the match-ups!

Wines (123)¬†‚Äď You know what they say:¬†Better late than never!¬†Talked the talk during the week and backed it up by walking the walk. A shame the¬†square bonce¬†decided to lift once the Port flogs season was done and dusted‚Ķ¬†A three round average of 120¬†to finish the season.

Butters (121)¬†‚ÄstLittle p*ssant!¬†The fact I could have¬†traded him in this week¬†makes it even more excruciating‚Ķ Another week he‚Äôll be¬†living rent free in my head.

Laird (116)¬†‚Äď A mark of a¬†true fantasy legend¬†is when they find a way when the chips are down‚Ķ¬†Laird¬†had¬†Willem Drew¬†for company most of the night and was¬†one of only three Crom players to eclipse 70!¬†An insane season from the¬†Desk Rig (or Desk Pig?).¬†Has to be a good shout for¬†Fantasy MVP!

Gray (70)¬†‚Äď Congrats on a brilliant career,¬†Robbie. As a Saints fan, I still have nightmares of¬†R19, 2017¬†when¬†Gray came up clutch¬†off the back of someone brilliant¬†Paddy Ryder¬†ruck work!

Fast forward to 3:40… Very St Kilda


Dawson (67)¬†‚Äď Virtually unsighted in the¬†second half‚Ķ¬†Must have been on¬†beer run duties?¬†Saved his worst for last!

Houston (64)¬†‚Äď Seriously, you¬†couldn‚Äôt be more inconsistent¬†if you tried!¬†Fun fact:¬†In his past seven outings, Houston has¬†4x scores <65 and 3x scores 110+‚Ķ¬†Baffling.

Keays (49) ‚Äď


No caption necessary…

Hawthorn vs Western Bulldogs


Sicily (151)¬†‚Äst‚ÄúA pity he‚Äôs 100% owned‚Ä̬†‚Äď Every astute¬†Fantasy coach¬†on earth‚Ķ Trust yours truly to miss the¬†most obvious starting selection¬†in living memory. Living proof that the concept of a¬†‚Äėnever again list‚Äô¬†is a hoax.

Dunkley (132)¬†‚ÄstF1.¬†Enough said.

Treloar (116)¬†‚ÄstYes sir!¬†A shade of the¬†Trelly of old¬†in this performance with¬†25 disposals, 10 tackles¬†and a¬†nice snag¬†approaching 50 on the run.

English (114)¬†‚ÄstNo Martin/Sweet?¬†Say no more! This is more of what we come to expect from the¬†two¬†metre ghost!¬†Turned up when it mattered most with¬†17 disposals, 8 marks¬†and¬†5 tackles.


Mitchell (84)¬†‚Äst72% time on ground?!¬†We knew¬†Sitch hated him¬†but that was an all-time low! Certainly not the elite, premium bacon that he once was‚Ķ

Marecrae¬†Macrae (81)¬†‚Äď For a so called¬†‚Äėuber-premium‚Äô¬†to go¬†nine weeks without eclipsing 110¬†is just not acceptable. A blessing that¬†45% of the competition¬†also copped this military mediocrity! May be the last time coaches select¬†J.Macrae¬†‚Äď I‚Äôm not willing to put a line through him, but I‚Äôm sure many will.

Sm(n)iff (74) ‚ÄstFair to say Baz needed more than the¬†Booger Sugars¬†to shake the clamp of¬†Hack¬†Finn Maginness.¬†Stevie Wonder could have seen this tag¬†coming from a mile away‚Ķ Another¬†dogsh*t¬†decision from yours truly to¬†‚Äėmatch‚Äô¬†a unique in the¬†Big Dance!

Dale (74)¬†‚Äď I would say irrelevant but guess who had this¬†prepubescent spud as a unique in the Big Dance?!¬†Genuinely laughable to think I went through with trading this flog in.

Carltank vs Collingwood


Doch (137) ‚Äď


Doch owners delayed reaction after taking 13 minutes to register a score!

Cerra (129)¬†‚ÄstAny draft owners out there?! Cerra¬†was back like he never left but will now be on leave for the next two to three months after a monumental choke from the¬†‚ÄúFlagbaggers‚ÄĚ.

J.Daicos (125)¬†‚ÄstAll class.¬†Nice to finally give¬†Daicos of the Josh variety¬†a bit of love!¬†28 disposals, 8 marks¬†and¬†3 tackles¬†in a brilliant all-round game.

Elliott (62)¬†‚ÄstSh*thouse Fantasy score¬†but Doggies fans far and wide loving his work right about now! Ice in his veins.


Crisp (72)¬†‚Äď I¬†labelled Cogs Fraudulent‚Ķ¬†get a load of this clown:¬†No tons since the bye after 10 in the first 13 rounds!¬†Beyond laughable.

N.Daicos (69)¬†‚Äď A rare mention in the¬†duds¬†after a brilliant rookie season! Plenty would have held for the entirety of the season, a testament to his¬†scoring prowess¬†and¬†freakish talent.

De Goey (62)¬†‚Äď Unsurprising given how close we are to silly season‚Ķ Also known as¬†‚ÄúDe Goey‚Äôs Domain‚ÄĚ. Look out next holiday hotspot!

Walsh (-)¬†‚ÄstProper crook.¬†Their would have been plenty of¬†coaches¬†heading into the final day of the season with the upper hand in their¬†Big Dance match-ups‚Ķ¬†Only to have it taken away in the blink of an eye with¬†Walsh a late withdrawal! You suspect it may be a decision the ‚ÄúFlagbaggers‚Ä̬†live to rue.

St Kilda vs Sydney


Steele (139)¬†‚ÄstClutch. Steeley¬†bought the season to a close with a huge performance comprising¬†27 disposals, 10 marks, 9 tackles¬†and¬†a snag!¬†I imagine he would have got a few coaches out there over the line at the death.

Long (138)¬†‚Äď Wow! Where did that come from?! Prior to Sunday evening, Long had never tonned in his¬†79¬†game career.¬†He put the superman cape on to accumulate¬†27 disposals¬†and a huge¬†17 marks!¬†You wouldn‚Äôt read about it!

Hannebery (107)¬†‚Äď Yeah good player over the journey but cost St Kilda about¬†$120K¬†per game‚Ķ I‚Äôm going to leave it at that as even hearing his name triggers me!


Mills (81) ‚Äď


How many claps is about how many kicks you had, Callum.

Parker (73)¬†‚Äď Well‚Ķ that was weird.¬†Lowest score since R4¬†for the consistent beast! Clearly an anomaly and his style of footy will hold up come legit finals.

Mareshall¬†Marshall (47)¬†‚Äď Disgusting. As soon as¬†Tommy Campbell¬†was named Friday arvo, alarm bells were ringing! Despite this, I didn‚Äôt think¬†Marshall would turn into a Pelican¬†and dish up that utter tripe. Couldn‚Äôt even hit the ton with his score doubled‚Ķ Mind boggling!

The Juggernaut Review

2124. In a word: embarrassing. In case you didn’t catch the salty vibe throughout the article, got d*cked in my only GF match-up… Let’s just say, thank f*ck we’re not playing for percentage in finals! This was even with my opponent copping the Walsh bullet and captaining Rowan Mareshall Marshall.

Dictionary enthusiasts far and wide, another change is in order for the definition of the phrase¬†‚ÄúOne-hit wonder‚ÄĚ. In case you missed it, here is the recent history¬†to get you up to speed:

Definition of one-hit wonder¬†to Thursday 7 July 2022:¬†‚ÄúSomeone who achieves mainstream popularity, often for only one piece of work, and becomes known among the general public solely for that momentary success.‚ÄĚ

Definition of one-hit wonder¬†from Friday 8 July 2022 to Sunday 21 August 2022:¬†‚Äú(F)Luke Jackson.‚ÄĚ This was off the back of his flash in the pan 125 in R15‚Ķ

Definition of one-hit wonder from Monday 22 August 2022 until further notice:¬†‚ÄúJohn‚Äôs Juggernauts.‚ÄĚ

In the space of 52 weeks, the self-proclaimed Fantasy Fanatic with a head the size of a house has plunged into complete Fantasy insignificance. To illustrate this, my ranking has gone from two digits to five… And before you ask, no you’re not getting the raw numbers!

All gags aside, congratulations to all coaches who came up trumps in the¬†Big Dance¬†and claimed ultimate bragging rights in the process! You are now the hunted but Mad¬†Monday¬†with the boys will be white hot! Special mention to¬†Benny Smart and his ‚ÄúSmartmen‚Ä̬†who, from go to woe had one of the best squads in our league, a richly deserved W! Even bigger special mention to¬†Matt Mottram and ‚ÄúMottram‚Äôs Marvels‚Ä̬†for being the undisputed¬†king of Fantasy for 2022 with a grand total of 50,996!

As an aside, I just wanted to say a huge thank you to all my loyal followers for getting around my content in 2022! Your support means more than you think and hopefully you got some value and a few laughs out of my articles! To Warnie, Calvin, Roy and the whole DT Talk community, it has been great fun pumping out these articles for such a good crowd.

Stay tuned for some bonus off-season content… On that, if you have any elite content ideas, I’m all ears!

Bring on 2023!

Thanks again legends and for the final time in 2022, flex how you went in the comments!

Yours in Fantasy,

Fantasy Fanatic #70

Just a weekend warrior sharing his two cents on all things Fantasy footy! Not a complete nuffie having received a coveted hat with an overall ranking of 70 in season 2021. Up the mighty Sainters! Go ahead and check out my website for more AFL fantasy classic advice, tips, and banter at: Any support is greatly appreciated!

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