Fremantle Dockers: The ‘real’ price tags

If you’ve got the Footy Record or read the AFL Website, then you’ve seen the “Price Tag” articles going around (here is Fremantle). Long time DT Talk reader DS has given us his take on the Fremantle Dockers… remember this is coming from a West Coast member and is completely tongue in cheek!

John Anthony (fwd $178,100)
Couldn’t get a game in Collingwood’s third side, so should be a good fit in the Dockers first team. However, still no!
Verdict: Pass

Hayden Ballantyne (fwd $356,700)
Mooted move into the midfield should open up greater opportunities for teams to punch him in the head. If only Champion Data gave +4’s for that he’d be first picked in every side.
Verdict: Pass

Michael Barlow (mid $424,800)
Was a DT God before Rhys Palmer got jealous of the attention he was getting and decided to cripple him. A good DT option but you’re better off selecting premium midfielders that don’t need to play in wheelchair.
Verdict: Consider……then pass.

Kepler Bradley (fwd $314,300)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Verdict: Pass

Greg Broughton (def $416,200)
When he’s bad he’s very very bad. When he’s good he’s……well hes good he’s still a Docker!
Verdict: Pass

Zac Clarke (ruck $389,200)
There are no extra DT points for having stupid hair or a stupid name like Zac.
Verdict: Pass

Jesse Cricton (def $191,500)
Never heard of him!
Verdict: Pass

Ryan Crowley (mid $272,100)
He’s been given the nickname “Creeper” because he spends most of his time hanging outside toilets at primary schools. May miss large chunks of the season due to impending Police charges.
Verdict: Pass

Hayden Crozier (fwd/mid $98,700)
Openly wept when drafted by the Dockers. Poor bastard!
Verdict: Pass the tissues

Zac Dawson (def $188,500)
The greatest trick Ross Lyon ever pulled was convincing people this guy could play. Even then no one believes him.
Verdict: Pass

Matthew De Boer (mid $310,100)
Reminds me of the kid who was always agreed with the teacher, and was therefore always last picked when selecting teams. That’s carried over into DT.
Verdict: Pass

Paul Duffield (def $347,200)
Duffman can never die, only the actors who play him!! Well this actor needs Dr Kevorkian.
Verdict: Pass

Peter Faulks (def $153,300)
Zac Dawson gets games ahead of him. Enough said!!
Verdict: Pass

Alex Forster (def $98,700)
Who?
Verdict: Pass

Nathan Fyfe (mid/fwd $486,600)
Desperately wanted to be drafted by his beloved Eagles, and was shattered when Fremantle read out his name. He should score well which would increase his chances of Fremantle trading him.
Verdict: Consider

Jonathon Griffin (ruck $396,200)
Asked to be traded to the Dockers and after one season asked to be traded out again. Last seen standing atop The Roundhouse, looking forlornly out towards the ocean.
Verdict: Pass

Antoni Grover (def $244,600)
Makes Karmichael Hunt look like a DT Gun.
Verdict: Pass

Stephen Hill (mid $328,300)
Can only get possessions when no one is within 20 meters of him. However there are 36 players on the field. He also prefers that no one looked at him while he was out on the ground. Also cries when he sees photos of Brady Rawlings.
Verdict: Pass

Garrick Ibbotson (def $4339,700)
His mother always makes sure he has a cork on the end of his fork before he sits down for dinner.
Verdict: Pass

Michael Johnson (def/fwd $319,500)
Has the potential to be a solid DT scorer, but always gets distracted by particularly freaky looking clouds.
Verdict: Passed out on the toilet floor at a nightclub.

Nick Lower (mid $347,100)
Has Port Adelaide cooties and enjoys herbal tea.
Verdict: Pass

Chris Mayne (fwd $326,700)
Clive Waterhouse’s love child.
Verdict: Pass the birth control

Luke McPharlin (def $315,300)
You don’t get DT points for being able to play a ripping G chord
Verdict: Pass

Adam McPhee (def $274,900)
Lists one of his hobbies as punching kittens in the face. You don’t get DT points for that…….yet!
Verdict: Pass

Josh Mellington (fwd $148,400)
His teammates called him “Smellington” behind his back. Enough said…
Verdict: Pass the deodorant

Viv Michie (fwd $104,200)
Even his WAFL club pretends not to know him. He cried during Sleepless in Seatle.
Verdict: Pass

Anthony Morabito (mid $168,000)
Planned on having a holiday in Bali during the off season, but changed his mind when Michael Johnson asked if he’d deliver a package for him to one of his “friends”. Wisely decided to stay home and de-freinded Michael Johnson on Facebook.
Verdict: Pass through customs if you dare!

David Mundy (mid $474,400)
I honestly don’t think “David Mundy” is even a real person. I reckon he’s just two midgets in a trench coat who tried getting drafted as a laugh. If I ever get close enough too him to check my theory, I plan on hitting the bottom half of “him” with a cricket bat.
Verdict: Pass the Kookaburra.

Tendai Mzungu (mid $400,000)
Great name for a Scrabble score, but you don’t get +4’s for that.
Verdict: Pass

Lachie Neale (mid $98,700)
Seriously!!Who???
Verdict: Pass

Matthew Pavlich (fwd $466,200)
He’s a DT Gun and an AFL superstar. Surprisingly, Freo haven’t tried to trade him for a third round pick and Dale Kickett.
Verdict: Consider

Jayden Pitt (def $236,200)
Depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. Also born 7^th October….players born in October traditionally don’t score very well.
Verdict: Pass

Dylan Roberton (def $221,500)
If I ever play a DT league game against you I hope you have this guy in your team. In fact I’ll give you one of my trades if you promise to use it to get him in.
Verdict: Pass

Aaron Sandilands (ruck $469,900)
Last season 211 missed a whole heap of games after Palmer mistook his big toe for one of Barlows legs. Even if he was covered in bubble wrap, he’d still get injured wrestling a butterfly….and that’s not me saying that! It was the doctor’s comment on his medical chart.
Verdict: Consider then pass.

Tom Sheridan (mid $112,200)
Was national under 8 table tennis champion and the Dockers recruiting staff thought his skills would be transferable. No evidence of it yet.
Verdict: Pass

Alex Silvagni (def $304,500)
Changed his name in an attempt to score with Jo Bailey. He didn’t and he doesn’t.
Verdict: Pass

Nick Suban (def $272,100)
His parents were brother and sister who coincidentally also sucked at DT!
Verdict: Pass

Cameron Sutcliffe (mid $98,700)
I don’t think this guy even plays AFL.
Verdict: Pass

Jay Van Berlo (mid $248,600)
Drafted in the hope of lurring his brother to Fremantle. Soon after all his immdeiate family moved to South Australia and changed their names.
Verdict: Pass

Michael Walters (fwd $224,200)
This guy makes Garfield look like a supreme athlete. Can tell you where to get the best Calzone on the cafe strip in Fremantle.
Verdict: Pass

Submitted by DS.