The Weekend Wash-Up | The Worst Round OF ALL TIME | Round 18

If you thought last week was extra whingy, just wait for this edition. I think we all need to come together as a community here… Because what just unfolded over the weekend will scar many for years to come. Why do we play this game? I’m actually not sure, but in the darkest fantasy hours we just have to find a way to have a laugh. And get some things off our chests… Strap yourselves in, it’s time for your weekly fantasy therapy session, IT’S TIME FOR THE WEEKEND WASH-UP.

LEGENDS

Bontempelli (166) – Thank god SOMEBODY stood up.  I genuinely believe there are 3 players in the competition capable of producing a game like this. Bont, Errol and Dawson. 37 disposals, 8 marks and most importantly 12 tackles from 71% CBAs. That’s more like 2023 Bont. With every game so crucial I won’t be surprised to see Bont average 120+ for the remainder of the year, and it goes to show with those few special players, form lines can be ignored. Legend.

Josh Daicos (132) – It’s not often (literally never) you see me cheering on a player I don’t own, but I wanted the better Daicos to ton up in that last quarter. That was unbelievable. Sitting on 50 at 3 quarter time, Josh went into the middle and the rest was history. What proceeded was some of the finest fantasy scoring I have seen in a long time. 9 kicks, 7 handballs, 2 marks, 5 tackles to go along with his 2 goals and 1 behind. That totalled to an 82 point final quarter. If you didn’t enjoy that, you don’t enjoy AFL Fantasy.

Dunkley (137) – Josh Dunkley may no longer be in that TOP tier group with Bont, but he’s capable of going massive. So when you see his price tag with a 9 in front of it, no matter how sh*t he has been, he has to be an option. Because he’s capable of having 28 disposals 6 marks and 13 tackles!! Massive, great hold. 

Rowell (140) – I don’t know what kind of manure they have used to juice up the grass around the country, but Matty Rowell is on FIRE. 13 tackles a game feels unsustainable, but he is dominating. Epic POD. 

Dawson (129) – H2H with Bont and was huge, once again stuffing the stat sheet. It feels like he is going to put it all together for a 150+ at some stage soon, Daws is always a great VC shout. Must have.

Whitfield (120) – Speaking of must haves, Whit was back for his 250th and did it in style. Ash caps his ceiling, but he’s a safe 100+ top 6 defender for mid $900k’s. It’s a no brainer. 

Taranto (132) – Some sick coaches out there actually brought in Taranto last week. Good on them I guess, if you could take last Saturday’s game seriously. Not for me.

Brayshaw (138) – I had forgotten that I’m one of the only people without Andy Brayshaw in their side over the past couple of quiet weeks. What a reminder this was. Gun. 

Meek (136) – FREAKY! I was just 16 rounds too early. Meeky has been awesome, but I wouldn’t be going X to him… And I’m a massive fan. It’s Grundy and Gawn unless you’re really just trying to tank it. 

Sheezel (113) – Alastair Clarkson had no choice to throw Harry Sheezel into the midfield without Wardlaw and LDU… Right? RIGHT?! Clarko said hold my beer, have you heard of a bloke named Will Phillips? It’s a genuine disgrace what’s going on here. Well done Harry for fighting on. 

Steele (136) – Every dog has his day. Yes Jack Steele has gone back to back 130’s, no I’m not interested. The fixtures are great though. 

Windhager (128) – Sorry Windy, I wasn’t familiar with your game… Out of the middle and dominating, what a win for draft owners. 

Grundy (126) – What the ruck pig is going to do next week needs to be R rated… Don’t let your kids watch that game. It will be nasty work, he is a must have.

Butters (125) – The Eagles quite literally had nobody who could run with him, Butters may not have the massive 160 scores in him but he looks odds on to be a top 8 midfielder for the remainder of the year. Get on board. 

Richards (123) – It’s JR, Joey Richards!

Reid (103) – Hold the phone… 88% CBAs for Harley and his first career fantasy ton! The fitness is building, he is getting involved in transition. Look out. 

LOSERS

Xerri (58) – It’s official. Tristan Xerri was a worse pickup than Kieran Briggs. Just imagine how sh*t you have to be, to become a worse trade in than a guy who scored 30 and 50. L5 84. I mean this. NEVER AGAIN. He is locked onto the list. Really he is a victim of expectations thanks to his Linnsanity run in 2024 against a bunch of teams without a real ruckman. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was still concussed. Just an pathetic performance and it makes me sick that he’s in my side.I’d happily trade him, but my team is looking like a piece of swiss cheese. Oh, he round housed a player thinking their head was the sherrin? That adds up. Get me off this island. Embarrassing.

Rozee (58) – When Rozee went off to get checked Dave mentioned that it was a dislocation and he SHOULD be fine… But then again, it’s Connor Rozee. It took 18 rounds but our scars from last year came back to haunt us, and we saw why I didn’t start Connor. Surprise surprise, he was subbed off during the third quarter with what seems to be a dislocation? And now he might be out next week too?!?! 10% of the competition were unlucky to captain him, but the way I see it they were lucky they didn’t captain Nic Martin instead. Graham Smith broke his finger and came back out at the MCG to play for South Africa. Thilthorpe literally plays with 3 fingers. And here’s Rozee who might need it amputated. Gutless from him and just a disaster if he is out next week. In fact, he better be out. And it better be serious. Unbelievable.

Docherty (69) – I am as big a Sam Docherty fan as any… But there comes a point where we have to let things go. I can sense a bounceback for Doch next week, hopefully it’s against Melbourne and not Casey. 

N.Daicos (78) – I’m sorry, Nick Daicos is getting away with murder this week. His Friday night sooking was so long ago it has been forgotten, and the captaincy disasters since have made his 78 look massive. But ask yourself this… Why did we have to captain Nic Martin or Connor Rozee in the first place? Because little Nicky’s foot got stepped on? My god he let the cameras make sure they picked it up as well. He is straight back on the sh*t list. 

Long (53) – I liken the scores people got from Ned Long over the byes to the dirty tons we got from Riley Bonner last season. Where is Riley at these days? I think Ned might join him. 

Flanders (58) – Some role change this is! Sam Flanders is now averaging 70 in his last 5, not 60. Awesome. Keep these efforts in mind when selecting your sides in 2026.

Kennedy (30) – Holy sh*t. I simply can’t do this justice as a non-owner, I literally cannot imagine how sickening it would be to pay $1.1M for a player to score THIRTY POINTS IN A FULL GAME. The role was always dodgy, the 80’s weren’t a total surprise, the 110’s were never going to last… But 30? Who knew his 22 point first half was actually going to look like he was racking it up. Speechless. I’m honestly speechless. That’s legitimately droppable too. 

Martin (18) – I may have said some things I now regret on Saturday night, because there’s a bigger picture here than the fact my captain scored 18 points. Well, I got 36 points. So I guess I was lucky! An ACL though?! I thought it was grass burn. He’s a legitimately great guy, elite player and this just sucks. Who has it worse, Carlton or Essendon fans? That’s a head to head battle for the ages. 

Newcombe (68) – Lol. Just a self reminder for next season. 

Mills (65) – You paid $800k for Sean Millis. 

Heeney (78) – This was coming, I had been getting away with murder owning Heeney for so long. He now finds himself as priority number 8 to trade out. This is going to be a long 6 weeks…

Green (79) – Tom Green your bullsh*t doesn’t go unnoticed too. Does he think he can slide under the radar because everyone else sucks?! 9 kicks, 1 mark, 4 tackles… How he was ever good at fantasy I do not know. Patrick Cripps the second.

Mcluggage (64) – So this is why we can never pick Clugga. He’s always good for a rogue 60. 

Bergman (78) – Did Bergman think the game finished at half time? A second half fade out against the Eagle’s when you’re losing simply isn’t good enough. Let’s be honest, why do I even own Miles Bergman? It’s a fair question. Moving on. 

Mowies (55) – I am a better forward pocket than Mowies. And I’ll leave it at that. 

THIS GAME SH*TS ME

Why do we play? This round has really made me realise it’s not to cheer on my epic fantasy team. It’s for a good laugh. It’s coming together as fellow fantasy coaches and laughing at how dumb a luxury trade was, or how fun it was seeing my skipper go off with 18 points and a little grass burn (ACL). Because the game itself? It sucks. This game sh*ts me. This game sh*ts us all.

THE OTHER BITS AND PIECES

1955, my rank? Don’t care. I honestly don’t really know where to go from here, but the higher ups are looking at the coaching staff and making some tough decisions. It’s time for a good hard look in the mirror because at some point, a little bit of bloody pride has to kick in. 1900. In round 18. 17 rounds of “improving” my team to be 200 points worse off than Round 1.

It’s a complete and utter shambles and I’m leaving it at that. Check out the podcast this week, it was a cracker. I guess I’ll try go one worse next weekend, I’ve already got a donut. #Content.

During a weekend like Round 18, there’s no better place to vent than our Weekend Wash-Up discord! Join fellow level headed coaches like Tom here. If you don’t laugh, you’ll cry. We go live every Wednesday @8pm AEST! Get around it. 

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