At last finals are upon us! I feel like the knight in monty python. My team has lost both its arms, both its legs and frankly shouldn’t be alive. But it is, and anything can happen in August (September is irrelevant anyway)! We were treated to a high scoring weekend, which on one hand was a nice change of scenery. On the other, it made our spuds stand out even more! I also traded Todd Goldstein out, so there’s plenty of explaining to be done. It’s time for the weekend wash-up!

Legends

Dangerfield (120) – It’s finally happened, Dangerfield can be classified as an uber premo! He is almost untaggable, and is now constantly pumping out 120+ scores without the 60’s inbetween. I wouldn’t want to be coming up against him as a unique in a final…

Swan (155) – I can now confirm that 43% of the competition aren’t taking it seriously. I have to admit, I was a Swanny doubter at the start of the season. I knew he could average 100-105, but I thought his pigging days were over. OINK! 41 disposals and 10 marks, those were the days. Perhaps they still are the days! Can’t argue with an average of 111.

Pendlebury (123) – Mr Reliable has been at it again this season. He rarely grabs the Fantasy headlines, but has averaged 112 again without any fuss. Don’t think, just do! Get him in, we get carried away with guys like Armitage and forget who the real legends are…

Murphy (139) – Ok, Murph deserves this one! He has been good without being spectacular recently, however this score must make him a serious option going into finals. You need your mids to be capable of pumping out massive scores, and Murph is exactly that. I’m not convinced at his price, but I haven’t exactly been spot on with my picks this year!

Boyd (120) – One vest? No worries, Boydy is a lock for the remainder of the season. The Bulldogs are pushing for top 4, and he will be essential for them! He’s an easy pick…

Martin (138) – Thank god for Stefan Martin! I traded him in this week and he delivered in spades. The man is a beast, where are the one season wonder doubters now?!

Rockliff (123) – Last time I said Rocky was back, he followed up with a 50. Not going to say anything drastic this time, however in the other 4 games since he returned, he has 3 scores of 120 and a solid 111. Captaincy material once again.

Caddy (134) – He just keeps getting it done, and more! A few years ago if a bloke had a 5 round average of 116 he’d be drafted into just about everyones teams. Caddy is still owned by under 2% of coaches. Incredible.

Selwood (125) – He does it, every, damn, year. If you don’t have Selwood by now you must have been living in a cave over the past few seasons. It took a little longer than usual, but Selwood has hit his end of season purple patch. He has a lazy 3 round average of 126, yet is still at a bargain price of $535k. With a BE of 54, he won’t be for long.

Jetta (130) – I feel like it would be an injustice not to recognise what Jetta has done recently. However history shows that he can’t put together more than 3 good DT scores in a row without following up with a 50. That’s probably because teams remember to make sure he gets shut down. Massive risk, but massive reward if he pays off! To be fair, there’s not much on offer in defence in that $450k bracket.

Shiels (130) – Anyone else pick him up as a free agent in their draft league? What a beast! His stats are incredible, notching 7 (Yes seven!) 110+ scores in his last 11 games, that uber premo material. He is a serious POD heading into finals…

Goldstein (155) – I’m starting to think he could be a terminator sent back in time but got sidetracked. Oh boy. At $666k with a BE of 140 coming up against Gawn, I felt I had to make a move to improve my team. I didn’t have many cash making opportunities on my bench and I needed to fill out my team. Martin was coming up against the Gold Coast, and I felt the $100k was well worth cashing in. That was if Goldstein remained a 110-115 average player. Martin held up his end of the bargain, but Goldstein clearly took offence at my stupidity. 155… against Gawn. Wow. #legend

Goddard (126) – Goddard’s price took a hit thanks to ‘that’ one game against St Kilda, but everything else he has done has been flawless. He is at a discounted price and should average around 105 for the rest of the season. Definitely worth making room for.

Montagna (155) – For every point he scores that Sidebottom doesn’t, a part of me dies. I can’t bear to talk about this anymore, but Monty is still owned by just 2.5% of teams whilst averaging 113. What are we doing this season?

Mundy (127) – Wow there was a lot of huge scores this week, mostly by popular players! Mundy proved he is a must have in defence with his fourth consecutive ton. His 5 round average of 109 is all you need to know, he hasn’t dropped below 90 since Round 9!

Losers

Ellis (69) – There were barely any losers this week, but I owned half of them! Brandon Ellis was one. He has been solid for me this season, without being spectacular. This score really kills it, dragging his average to 102. It’s heart breaking the amount of times he has past 50 in just over a quarter, only to slow to a score of 100-110. Once he starts cracking the 130 barrier he can become an uber premo, but that hasn’t happened yet. He’s only 22, I should be more kind. However 69 isn’t just below par, it’s a relationship killer.

Sidebottom (84) – My hate for Sidebottom knows no bounds, but it’s not totally his fault. Not many could have foreseen the man I gave up (who was $40k less mind you) would average 115. Not many would think anybody could be brave (stupid) enough to tag him over Pendlebury. Both have happened. This is his fifth score of under 90 since I brought him, that’s more than the amount of tons he has scored me. Learn to get over a tag Steele.

Yeo (47) – I said a few weeks ago that McGovern’s injury could hurt his scoring. However losing Nic Nat has made things even worse! He was operating as a ruckman at times on the weekend, filling in down back when needed. His roles are over over the place, I’d say he has to go.

Lumumba (39) – Having thought he was a bargain at ONLY $400k, he has finally broken the $300k barrier. Guess his 5 round average right now. 60? No. 50?. No. 40? Not quite… 45!!! Bloody hell we’re all awful pundits.

Heppell (68) – Talk about an awful 5 round average, Heppell has fallen apart since becoming captain. You were meant to bring balance to the force, not leave it in darkness! Anyway… That’s his fourth score of 80 or below, not acceptable at his price. I’d just stay away from Hird, I mean Essendon at the moment.

Griffen (54) – And to think I almost considered bringing him in. Then I slapped myself in the face and quit the browser, a good decision in hindsight. It’s almost as if Griffen realised he was scoring well, so he had to slowly lower expectations. Firstly with an 85, then an 81. 76 was acceptable, now his owners have been hit with a reality check. You own Ryan Griffen. That’s a problem.

McVeigh just escapes a bake thanks to his score last week, but I feel for those that traded him in. His consistency has gone down the drain with Sydney.

Mark Stevens

I didn’t get to watch Channel 7 this week, so I had to put up with standard journalism sadly. If only Donald Trump counted…

It’s golden stubby time, and there’s no shortage of nominations this week…

Goldstein – Yeah, I guess he was alright. Again.

Swan – For old times sake. If you had him captain, you’re definitely not reminiscing of the past!

Selwood – Spud time is up Joel’s time is now, you can’t see him, Joel’s time is now!

Montagna – If you’re part of the 2.5%, you must be laughing…

Martin – Firstly because he saved my ass, secondly because he has backed up his $600k price tag! I was one of few who had faith. Not a bad third round draft pick either…

Who will get your vote?

This Game Sh*ts Me

Dream Team  AFL Fantasy ladders are stupid. Why are they stupid? Because the year is 2015 and we’re still using a percentage system in Fantasy. I get that we’re trying to make the experience as close to AFL realism as possible, but honestly. Percentage is the best measure in AFL because it rewards both your ability to attack and defend. What does it reward in Fantasy?

I understand that the highest point scorer isn’t necessarily going to finish top, that’s too bad. It’s about being consistent, and beating what’s in front of you! However finishing below someone who has a higher percentage than you, when you’ve scored more seems utterly ridiculous. If you hadn’t guessed yet, I came 5th in a league on 10-0-5, 1% under the bloke in fourth. And yes, I’ve scored 100 more points than him. However because players who’ve versed me happened to score 300 more, gift him the double chance!!! Imagine if you missed out on finals in a cash league because of it. Do the officials not understand the amount of banter this exposes you to?

It’s not like there’s no simple solution ready to be used either. Maybe, I don’t know… Use total points instead of percentage? There should be some reward for being ranked higher. Yeah this game sh*ts me.

The Other Bits and Pieces

*Me after seeing Goldstein’s score*

I managed to score 2301 in what was a bizarre week. Yes, I went through with my plan and traded Todd Goldstein. I honestly thought his form was unsustainable. He was $666k and Martin was about to run riot on the Gold Coast. The first part went well, with Martin beasting. The next stage of the plan, not so well. The GIF perfectly summarises my season. Let me know your sob stories in the comments! See you next week to let you know how I tragically bowed out in the first week of finals.