The Sunday (Monday) Knee-Jerk – Round 11

The byes have arrived! We all thought this was going to be cataclysmic. A seismic event off the Richter scale. And for those unlucky ones, it was. Some may have even been placed in restraints as to halt them from flying all the way across the country to find Kennedy and deliver some carefully chosen words and a bag of cement!!! (Totally not me or anything). Those of you who caught the lucky breaks and played it well, pat yourself on the back and read no further. Those who didn’t have back up, god help your soul. It’s time to knee-jerk!

The Legends

These legends will stick with you for a while if you had them, it’s the guys who stand up under pressure that we value most! If only the AFL players new it was the multi bye rounds… Anyway. Heppell (122) is a must have defender and probably one of the best 3rd year talents you’re likely to see. Why can’t Gaff (31) learn a thing or two. Waite (143) is going to temp a few people, don’t worry. He always does. I have ordered the hospitals to be on stand by because you can expect a sudden influx in the number of 3rd degree burns that will be filtering through! Great scorer though. Gibbs (123) finally rewarded his owners for persistence. Round 14 target number 1. Kreuzer (101) has done exactly what was hoped of him after Leuey went down. I like to consider these things a blessing in disguise. A sign if you like. Personally I’ve been $200 of getting Dixon in Round 6 and was forced to get Minson in over Nicnat last week. Working for me so far! O’Keefe (145) could be the POD of the season in the home stretch, don’t forget what he did last year. Keep a close eye. Hannebury (136) and Jack (130) are also becoming must watch midfield premiums and will need to be monitored come Round 13 trades. Nicholls (113) is another example that the DT gods do have hearts. How’s the timing! If you jumped on early get around yourself, he’s a R3/4 keeper. I use my words carefully when I say Swan (130) was back to his best. His best football, but not quite his pigging best. I have some incredible stats on him to come but I don’t think we can say the pig is back, however I’ll take his 260! How’s Macaffer (102) travelling! Soon to be known as “Cafdaddy”, he is quickly asserting his presence at F7 for me. Great cover! J.Selwood (132) took 1 step in redeeming his credentials for those who took the punt. If he can get back to form he is the bargain of the millennium. I could just say the decade and mean the same thing but let’s be honest, that sounds a lot better. Sorry, ignore that last comment. The bargain of the millennium has arrived! In fact I’ll just say baby jesus has arrived. Tom Mitchell (144) has been a ball magnet ever since he could kick a footy, in fact he could probably find the pill before he learned to walk. Now that he’s added ferocious tackling to the mix we have a DT god in the making. Probably the best second DT game ever played by a rookie (I do not include Barlow as he was 3 years older with VFL experience). If you don’t have him, get him. Once you have him, admire him. I’ve been a fan ever since I saw his name flash up in the DT database and I’ll soak it in for the rest of the year, you’ll never get him this cheap again! He’s nestled in my M8 spot nicely, great story!

The Sunday Chops

The bloody chops, what a time to show their true colours. Josh Kennedy (-) threatened us last week, then pulled the trigger this week. For some it was the killer blow. I escaped with a reprimand in Terlich, but others weren’t so lucky. Good old Saturday morning calfs. ****. If somebody can solve the JPK (65) mystery, let me know. Much appreciated. Sh*t head. Whilst not DT relevant Gaff (31) has a lot of DT coaches (me included) with egg in our faces. The WAFL is calling. Many people took the punt on Goodes (49) and in my opinion, this was inevitable. He doesn’t play the right role to dominate on a consistent basis like he used to, don’t touch him! Scotland (76) is past his best, consistent 80s are his go now. One year too many for those who grabbed the former Mr Consistent. Speaking of consistent, Stanton (52). Or should I say, lack of. He would have had a lot of coaches headbutting walls on Friday. Those who actually captained him will be calling the repair man this Tuesday. Doctors will also get a workout due to a strange influx of broken fists. Hibberd (55) had a weekend to forget but there is one man who has to take the chopping cake this week. That man is Robinson (40). He is being sent to the pits of DT hell and never coming back. I wouldn’t be interested even if he pumped out 5 consecutive 150s. After looking the goods pre-season he has me flaccid. That is all.

The Clowns

Yes I’m looking at you St Kilda/Carlton supporters. In fact I’ll let that slide, we all say unreasonable things in the heat of battle. To the well educated, supposedly non-bias football journalists, umpiring decisions wins matches! Hang on, no sorry. The other way around. 120 minutes decide a match. Montagna running into an open goal with 2 alone in the goalsquare should decide the match. Playing on in the goal square when you can have a set shot from 10m could decide the match. Not to mention Darling’s free against in the goal square which has to be seen to be believed. Just believe this, you’ll struggle to find a weaker free in the VFL/AFL’s 116 year history. Goes both ways! Just because the eagles benefited with ONE OR TWO dubious frees didn’t decide the game (That said we are pretty pathetic), neither did a moment in the first half cost Carlton. Moving on!

What we’ve learnt?

•  20 on the field is probably the bare minimum if you want to field a full 18. Anything else and your fate is left in the hands of the DT gods, and they don’t take no shit.
• In the words of Florence (She just got her words mixed up), the pig days are over. I place most of the blame on Bucks. Swanny tears until 3 qtr time, then heads up forward. No cheap +6’s there! He’s still yet to register a score above 130 all year… To compare he had 9 of them last year! In fact he hasn’t had a score above last year’s average all year!!! Then again, it’s hard to live up to your name when the bar is set above jesus.
• The DT angels have a special stone ready to carve Tom Mitchell’s statue after he becomes the first player to average three figures over 10 years. *Gets out of time machine*. A bit early? Probably, but he is a DT gift carved from gold.
• If you’re like me then you still have “Seven Nation Army” stuck in your head from Sunday. No Army will hold any active DTer back from trading in Tom Mitchell between now and Round 13. His % owned will give a fairly accurate account of how many ghost ships are out there… Unless your stuck holidaying in the slums of Africa, in which case good luck crying yourself to sleep for the rest of the season.
• Still haven’t learnt why JPK is so shit, when it clicks you’ll hear it here first.
• Donuts taste like the end of a season. It’s getting to the point where I avoid eating them at all costs, and yes I always delegate bakery duties. Can never be too careful! (This may or may not be a lie).
• Just like many people stare confused as to how Thrift shop ever made it to number 1, I also stare confused as to why we get sucked into Brent Stanton EVERY YEAR! The allure of those 140+ scores is almost as strong as the allure to thinking we can actually rap.

This game sh*ts me

Ok even though I’ve gone into jerk for you blokes (Wow. That sounded a lot better in my head) I’ve actually had a very solid week. Late withdrawals always shit me but the best 18 system had me covered. We (mostly) avoided the SJ captain trap due to an unlucky head clash, so it’s not injuries. God damn even Thurlow stood up under pressure! This week the axe has to come down on the many underperforming premos this season. Guys like Zorko, Watson, JPK and Robinson have all had shockers on the back of breakout seasons. None were terribly bad picks but all of them would have got the red vest for me this week! Watson took the honours in my side and I’m sure a shit premo score took the vest for quite a few teams who managed to field 19+ players. Watson can get another reprieve but for the rest of them, their time is up! We pay 500k+ for proven quality, and look what we’ve been served up this year. A 60% strike rate. And that’s why this game shits me.

The other bits and pieces.

*Pulls out riot shield* Now I know most reading here will probably be on the verge of tears as their DT season is taken away from them by the cruel new bye system we run under Demetriou, but I managed to snare another great total of 1964 this week. *Cue thrown bottles and abuse*. Maybe getting the shit out of my system early days has helped me out. Who knows. I’m looking at fielding 21 this week so here’s hoping for some more carnage. Don’t worry, you’ll get your laugh out of me in Round 13. Or as I like to call it, the end of the world. The Mayans were onto something! Cheers.

If you enjoyed my raging and want a hittable punching bag when sh*t goes tits up, follow me on twitter @MattCraigDT. My views are honest, mostly helpful and occasionally entertaining! Also hit me up with any suggestions for who you thought were the Legends, Losers and Clowns, plus what you’ve learnt the past week. I value everyone’s opinion!