Fremantle Dockers: The ‘real’ price tags

If you’ve got the Footy Record or read the AFL Website, then you’ve seen the “Price Tag” articles going around (here is Fremantle). Long time DT Talk reader DS has given us his take on the Fremantle Dockers… remember this is coming from a West Coast member and is completely tongue in cheek!

John Anthony (fwd $178,100)
Couldn’t get a game in Collingwood’s third side, so should be a good fit in the Dockers first team. However, still no!
Verdict: Pass

Hayden Ballantyne (fwd $356,700)
Mooted move into the midfield should open up greater opportunities for teams to punch him in the head. If only Champion Data gave +4’s for that he’d be first picked in every side.
Verdict: Pass

Michael Barlow (mid $424,800)
Was a DT God before Rhys Palmer got jealous of the attention he was getting and decided to cripple him. A good DT option but you’re better off selecting premium midfielders that don’t need to play in wheelchair.
Verdict: Consider……then pass.

Kepler Bradley (fwd $314,300)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Verdict: Pass

Greg Broughton (def $416,200)
When he’s bad he’s very very bad. When he’s good he’s……well hes good he’s still a Docker!
Verdict: Pass

Zac Clarke (ruck $389,200)
There are no extra DT points for having stupid hair or a stupid name like Zac.
Verdict: Pass

Jesse Cricton (def $191,500)
Never heard of him!
Verdict:
Pass

Ryan Crowley (mid $272,100)
He’s been given the nickname “Creeper” because he spends most of his time hanging outside toilets at primary schools. May miss large chunks of the season due to impending Police charges.
Verdict:
Pass

Hayden Crozier (fwd/mid $98,700)
Openly wept when drafted by the Dockers. Poor bastard!
Verdict: Pass the tissues

Zac Dawson (def $188,500)
The greatest trick Ross Lyon ever pulled was convincing people this guy could play. Even then no one believes him.
Verdict: Pass

Matthew De Boer (mid $310,100)
Reminds me of the kid who was always agreed with the teacher, and was therefore always last picked when selecting teams. That’s carried over into DT.
Verdict: Pass

Paul Duffield (def $347,200)
Duffman can never die, only the actors who play him!! Well this actor needs Dr Kevorkian.
Verdict: Pass

Peter Faulks (def $153,300)
Zac Dawson gets games ahead of him. Enough said!!
Verdict:
Pass

Alex Forster (def $98,700)
Who?
Verdict: Pass

Nathan Fyfe (mid/fwd $486,600)
Desperately wanted to be drafted by his beloved Eagles, and was shattered when Fremantle read out his name. He should score well which would increase his chances of Fremantle trading him.
Verdict: Consider

Jonathon Griffin (ruck $396,200)
Asked to be traded to the Dockers and after one season asked to be traded out again. Last seen standing atop The Roundhouse, looking forlornly out towards the ocean.
Verdict:
Pass

Antoni Grover (def $244,600)
Makes Karmichael Hunt look like a DT Gun.
Verdict: Pass

Stephen Hill (mid $328,300)
Can only get possessions when no one is within 20 meters of him. However there are 36 players on the field. He also prefers that no one looked at him while he was out on the ground. Also cries when he sees photos of Brady Rawlings.
Verdict: Pass

Garrick Ibbotson (def $4339,700)
His mother always makes sure he has a cork on the end of his fork before he sits down for dinner.
Verdict:
Pass

Michael Johnson (def/fwd $319,500)
Has the potential to be a solid DT scorer, but always gets distracted by particularly freaky looking clouds.
Verdict:
Passed out on the toilet floor at a nightclub.

Nick Lower (mid $347,100)
Has Port Adelaide cooties and enjoys herbal tea.
Verdict:
Pass

Chris Mayne (fwd $326,700)
Clive Waterhouse’s love child.
Verdict:
Pass the birth control

Luke McPharlin (def $315,300)
You don’t get DT points for being able to play a ripping G chord
Verdict
: Pass

Adam McPhee (def $274,900)
Lists one of his hobbies as punching kittens in the face. You don’t get DT points for that…….yet!
Verdict:
Pass

Josh Mellington (fwd $148,400)
His teammates called him “Smellington” behind his back. Enough said…
Verdict: Pass the deodorant

Viv Michie (fwd $104,200)
Even his WAFL club pretends not to know him. He cried during Sleepless in Seatle.
Verdict: Pass

Anthony Morabito (mid $168,000)
Planned on having a holiday in Bali during the off season, but changed his mind when Michael Johnson asked if he’d deliver a package for him to one of his “friends”. Wisely decided to stay home and de-freinded Michael Johnson on Facebook.
Verdict: Pass through customs if you dare!

David Mundy (mid $474,400)
I honestly don’t think “David Mundy” is even a real person. I reckon he’s just two midgets in a trench coat who tried getting drafted as a laugh. If I ever get close enough too him to check my theory, I plan on hitting the bottom half of “him” with a cricket bat.
Verdict: Pass the Kookaburra.

Tendai Mzungu (mid $400,000)
Great name for a Scrabble score, but you don’t get +4’s for that.
Verdict: Pass

Lachie Neale (mid $98,700)
Seriously!!Who???
Verdict: Pass

Matthew Pavlich (fwd $466,200)
He’s a DT Gun and an AFL superstar. Surprisingly, Freo haven’t tried to trade him for a third round pick and Dale Kickett.
Verdict: Consider

Jayden Pitt (def $236,200)
Depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. Also born 7th October….players born in October traditionally don’t score very well.
Verdict:
Pass

Dylan Roberton (def $221,500)
If I ever play a DT league game against you I hope you have this guy in your team. In fact I’ll give you one of my trades if you promise to use it to get him in.
Verdict: Pass

Aaron Sandilands (ruck $469,900)
Last season 211 missed a whole heap of games after Palmer mistook his big toe for one of Barlows legs. Even if he was covered in bubble wrap, he’d still get injured wrestling a butterfly….and that’s not me saying that! It was the doctor’s comment on his medical chart.
Verdict: Consider then pass.

Tom Sheridan (mid $112,200)
Was national under 8 table tennis champion and the Dockers recruiting staff thought his skills would be transferable. No evidence of it yet.
Verdict: Pass

Alex Silvagni (def $304,500)
Changed his name in an attempt to score with Jo Bailey. He didn’t and he doesn’t.
Verdict: Pass

Nick Suban (def $272,100)
His parents were brother and sister who coincidentally also sucked at DT!
Verdict: Pass

Cameron Sutcliffe (mid $98,700)
I don’t think this guy even plays AFL.
Verdict: Pass

Jay Van Berlo (mid $248,600)
Drafted in the hope of lurring his brother to Fremantle. Soon after all his immdeiate family moved to South Australia and changed their names.
Verdict: Pass

Michael Walters (fwd $224,200)
This guy makes Garfield look like a supreme athlete. Can tell you where to get the best Calzone on the cafe strip in Fremantle.
Verdict: Pass

Submitted by DS.

83 Comments

  • First

    AND FREO SUCK DICKS

    • *cries* FREO FOREVA AND EVA AND EVA …
      …you would only do articles like this about freo, wouldnt ya?? ohwell, this is probs your way of saying how awesome they are …
      I still laughed anyways haha :)

  • probably one of the most truthful articles i have seen on this site.

    all dockers have been removed from my team (only had Sandi anyway)

  • Funny, really really funny

  • Gold! hahah

  • Alot more detailed however I would have to ask where some of these sources come from hahaha. The Michael Johnson one was alright, I agree he always looks spaced out. And Ballantyne is one of my favourite players in the league for that reason he just pisses everyone off. Nice read to kill a couple of minutes.

  • It’s funny how everyone forgets Michael Johnson got busted for cocaine.
    Really makes you think

  • Quite funny – but you fail at scrabble -> “Mzungu”

  • Very clever enjoyed a lot, would actually enjoy a write up like that for every team

  • Hahaha!
    Good to read after a crap day at work, cheers!

  • Horrible thread, and im an eagles fan.

    Surely Sandilands/fyfe/broughton/barlow are all worth a serious look in.

    Sandilands gets 40 taps a game these days, fyfe one of best forwards last year, and broughton is a possesion king.

    Freo will make top8 this year, expect decent scores from these players IMO

    • Ummm… maybe you missed the point and the whole tongue in cheek part!

      • hmm a bit funny good try ,but a bit close to the edge on a couple

        saying someone hangs around toilets tongue in cheek or not,,we wouldnt want that said about us(not funny) and sandilands allways injured(not true)could of come up with a better one there

        but having a go at walters,,you obviously know you are 100% percent chance of never running into to his family anywhere ever..braver man than me

    • Dude… light hearted humour.

      Lets not take it too serious. :)

    • Chillax NoLIMITS its just a an article for a laugh

      Seams like majority of DT Talk readers are WCE fans… nice one

    • *face palm*

    • Oh god… :/

    • Buddy it was a joke!!! Lets not get too serious, isnt there enough stress in our lives!!

      Thanks for the laugh DS! Im still smiling!!

    • That’s hilarious NoLIMITS! I love how you included the proviso IMO at the end cause there’s a massive chance that none of those guys will actually score well this year!

      Is there some truth to the myth that DT addicts have the concentration spans of goldfish and that we hurriedly scroll over articles subconsciously looking for trigger words that compel us to hit the keyboard with an instantaneous, impulsive response that may or may not be contextual? My triggers are “unique rookie” (WTF is a unique rookie? Either they make money or they don’t and are therefore either good or bad) and its opposite, “too pricey” (Really?). Somewhere in heaven in the next fifty years there is going to be a field of grass with rows of people on boxes giving everyone their best advice on players and strategy. I’d rather find myself a “fantasy slut”.

      • or there could be hell.. where supercoachers sit in flames trying to guess how many points they may get for a game winning spoil or goal….

  • This is awesome! Great work DS

  • Lol… stuck in stupid Sydney for work..and made me actually Laugh Out Loud…particularly…

    “Lists one of his hobbies as punching kittens in the face. You don’t get DT points for that…….yet!”

    Ok… Now airport security are looking at me funny… better run!

  • Barlow is cheap and would be priced mid 500’s if he played a full year last year
    he is a huge lock for me this year no idea what you’re on about

  • Great stirring….would go done a treat just before derby time over in the West.

  • Im with DS on Ibbotson, I for one am not prepared to fork out the “$4339,700” that it apparently costs to buy him haha

  • Did anyone else get the Usual Suspects reference? Very well done.

  • Love it!

  • OH bloody HA HA DS!…haha have to admit as a dockers supporter that was pretty good. i hope were not just picking Freo out of the hat and thats it..haha

  • 773507

    private league so join and we will make it a good one !!

  • yes everyone take barlow out, thanks.

  • BOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

    I would mail you guys an article on WC, but with all the drug tainted crack heads, it probably wouldn’t get through customs.

  • I have 4 dockers at the moment.
    Sandi,Fyfe,Barlow and Broughton
    I’m not sure if I’ll keep Broughts yet
    But Barlow and Sandi are here to stay. Maybe Pav instead on Fyfe

  • Very funny article.
    It’s nice to see the Eagle boy’s having a good laugh this season. However, there will be nothing funny about the ass whipping Freo are going to hand out to you in the derby this year.
    Bring it on mother flockers.

  • This is the Zac Dawson of DT Talk articles

  • i only find this to be a shit write up because it comes from a eagle can’t wait to beat u yuppie blow men this year and hopefully it will be in a final and wish u all our injures love to hear u r lame arse excuse’s

  • Great article, great comment about Hunt vs grover, agree with no Barlow, will be tagged as freo have no one else in there

    Time will tell though

  • not a bad attempt at comedy!

    I am a dockers fan and in all seriousness i think they will be top 4 this year….this is no joke. mock me if you will, then enjoy a large slice of humble pie at seasons end.

  • Funny article, except seriously, the answer to who? that was written in this article on both Alex Forster and Lachie Neale is they are actually guns for the future both form South Australia, and both played league football in the SANFL for Norwood and Glenelg, both dominated the u18 competition before getting promoted to there clubs league sides, defentley ones to look out for the future! most likely next year, of if not the one after, they will make you some good money. So keep an eye on them. But pretty funny article in general! haha

  • classic article, used to the sledging as a freo supporter

    what about a complete article on chris masten and how he’s a shit bloke, with a shit hair cut, shit tattoos and a shit footballer

  • yeh waste of space this was for me. and yes i’m a dockers supporter but it’s not that.

    i dont come on this site to read bad humour. i’m fine if others do tho. i just wont be reading other team ones of these if they come up. Let’s get back to more helpful real info i love to come on here for everyday….

    • I thought it was hilarious, and always look forward to some good old fashioned digging. I’m a Magpie supporter and really look forward to some Blue (or any other team actually) supporter ripping into Collingwood like this.

      i get sick of the same opinions and appreciate the tongue in cheek approach. (Who cannot laugh at Tbetta’s sarcastic or ingenuine comments?!)

  • Is it possible to start up my own dream team group for more than 18 people. Do you have to pay to start the group.

  • this is a pathetic review of the dockers squad….probably written by an eagles supporter. Do a bit more research and you’ll find there are plenty of good options for DT in the Freo squad. How bout give up trying to be funny and do your job properly….idiots

    • Sheesh, please try to get laid sometime this year

    • Haha, some of these comments are just as funny as the original article!

      Some people need to realise that this site has never taken itself too seriously and is a great place for a laugh. If you want the boring version you were informed at the start of the article that you can get the info from the AFL website.

  • Humour has always been a part of DT Talk in everything we have done… from our terribly lame videos to Calvin pretending he’s a pirate giving captain advice (please, what the fuck is that?!).

    If something isn’t funny (in your opinion), so be it. We love content being sent in and love to post stuff. That’s the beauty of this site and community. Each to their own though. The shit jokes on here were liked by more people than not.

    Let’s lighten up… take a step back and look at the lockout clock! There’s a lot of time left to get serious!

    • I agree Warnie. I laughed out loud many times reading this article. It was fantastic! Would love to see this sort of article continue to be put up. Good job to the writer! I must admit I also find the comments just as funny, with people getting serious and others shooting them down. A good chuckle from start to finish.

    • yes warnie i think some people may have forgotton to take their pills yesterday.

    • Really warnie? Since everyone here loves abit of satire at someone elses expence i’d love to tee off on you the fat musketeer for a change. Mate you look like your just filling in numbers in the team with the other two popping in for 3rd comments. you wrote this article with what seems to be no knowledge at all. If you continue to rip off everyone elses info off the net i suggest you try yscc.com.au they atleast have some credibility to their research and have backed it up year after year with their supercoach scores. I have to laugh at you (not the best molded body) having a laugh at these blokes who will finish in the top 8. Lastly how did you come up with your nickname warnie? Please dont tell me you came up with it and started running with it… Cheers though really good post ;)

  • Love it!!! You should become a journalist with your research skills “never heard of him” & “who” ha ha ha Classic. Thanks for the laugh.

  • Hi all, i am a freo member since 1994 and i found the tongue in cheek comments very funny. come on you freo supporters have a little humor in your life, smile and be happy. i also heard that ben invited johnno over for some coke and ice. go freo.

  • Good to see an Eagles supporter writing another informed article about Freo

    Matthew De Boer (mid $310,100)
    Reminds me of the kid who was always agreed with the teacher, and was therefore always last picked when selecting teams. That’s carried over into DT.

    Remember the last derby win by Freo – I bet this guy was in Eagles nightmares for weeks.

  • Thanks guys and thanks to Warnie for posting it.
    Glad the majority found the humour in the article, and not too many were offended :-)

    • just childish sh it really whats the point of immature and un original sledging

    • IMO this article simply taints DT Talk’s reputation…the fact Warnie allowed it to be posted is purely pathetic. Its basically giving a West Coast member freedom to slam Freo players just coz he thinks its funny…who gives a sh*t if he’s been following DT Talk for years….we all have. Sometimes its not enough to just give yourself a little disclaimer at the beginning of the article and let some bozo write what he wants. This article is pure sarcasm and we all know what level of wit that brings with it. You can do better DTTALK!

  • Most stuff on here is gold and worth reading that is absolute pooooooooo and not at all funny. Especially after there are now articles basically begging to have ballas and neals babies by some of the very lads who were not only happy to pass but the comment on neal was “seriously who?” Guess you got a better idea after he tore it up in intra club

  • Started yawning as the same old Weagles schoolboy toilet wank humour unfolded, but then I got to Crowley. You guys do need to understand when you’ve overstepped the mark. Seriously, it’s changed my view of this site. Crowley should sue.