Now I know why they call it DREAM team

It happened again last night… like it did the night before that, and the night before that.

I’m in bed about to drift off to sleep when my mind starts pondering whether I should trade Palmer for Fyfe. If I do this what can I do with the extra 22k? My eye springs open…and there it goes, sleep can be forgotten about for the next few hours as my mind goes over the calculations and permutations. With that 22k I can trade Vickery down to Derickx, McEvoy down to Petrie and I can afford Hale on the forward bench! Why didn’t I think of this before??? Should I get up and do it now?

I keep trying to force sleep. Why can’t I think about naked ladies like normal people? OK let’s give it a try; let’s try a 3-some. Hmm it’s working! There I am with two ladies…..this is going to be awesome! As I drift off to sleep the 2 ladies get to work, then my mind goes again, two ladies; that reminds me of DPP, do I have enough links to the Mids and backs? Immediately the ladies disappear in a puff of dust as Mzungu’s face enters my mind….. Why did you have to do your knee, clown!

This has been the story of my life for the past few years. That’s right I’m no regular one season addict. I have to suffer through my Dream team addiction in footy season, then through the Fantasy Premier league in the off-season, my addiction knows no bounds. You should see me in the crossover month when they are both playing! I’m like Tom Cruise in Minority report standing at the screens relentlessly moving items from place to place.

At first my long suffering partner would get upset with me, she thought I cared more about Dream team than her. My usual response would be “Well would you prefer that I was a junkie in the gutter? Or that I had a safe innocent hobby?” I now know in fantasy terms I am that junkie in the gutter. It’s hard to know when my addiction turned from a few lines on the top of a toilet seat to injecting into my eyeballs but I guess I should have seen the signs when I preferred to watch +3’s and + 6’s flash across a screen rather than watch an actual game of football. When you sit there watching those numbers flash by like the Matrix, ignoring the calls for Monty to give Peake the spud or for players to lift or stay down… I guess that’s when you know it’s gone too far.

At least Dream team is on during the day, it’s plausible to check your phone for scores in a restaurant – any excuse can be made, Just texting my mum! But with Fantasy Premier League its different, it’s all happening during the night-time hours. Trying to sleep is impossible, it’s like being a kid on Christmas Eve knowing Santa is coming…what points will he leave me in the morning??? On more than one occasion the suspense has been too much. I’ve gone to the toilet brandishing my phone only for girlfriend to see the glow and bust me in there….either way I’m in trouble, who would you be on the phone to at 4am? It’s either a girl… or the old fantasy football…Again.

I know only the car will turn her, only then will she know all this was not in vain. No matter how many times I tell her I’m in the top 50 in the world! It does not impress her one little bit. Once I win that car it will all be sweet. That is why I lie awake at night wondering about Palmer or Fyfe.

My name is Adam… and I’m a fantasy sports addict