The Weekend Wash-Up | Round 1 Wreckage

Round 1 is in the books and boy oh boy, there was some highs but a fair few more lows… That’s what we’re here for. It’s time for your weekly fantasy therapy session, it’s time for the weekend wash-up!

WINNERS

Houston (119) – 32 disposals, 11 marks, 5 kick ins, pure half back for the Pies who chip it around with a breakeven of -21. A lesson in not overthinking. Must have.

N.Daicos (127) – That second quarter was a thing of beauty… Hard tags will come, but he looks on a different level this season. It’s going to be tough to buy up to him if you don’t own him. Remember, you don’t just get one Nick Daicos, you get two.

Short (114) – Great score in pre-season and followed it up again here. Shorty has kick ins and a perfect great role, should go 90+.

Sicily (120) – Averaging 105 and the Sic is probably one to watch closer next week. You couldn’t do it though… Could you?

Merrett (112) – 68% CBAs and looked great in the first qtr especially where he scored 47, and it certainly hurt the rest of the midfield mix. The only concern? Essendon are sh*thouse.

Wiz (111) – What a game from the Wiz. 17 and 4! With CBAs he was a sneaky late draft pick, it should be a fun season.

Ash (136) – Lachie Ash confirmed he will be great again, and he did this with just one kick in! The concern is that Whit and Ash will probably share and alternate these games.

Bontempelli (135) – Have the Giants heard of Marcus Bontempelli? 21 CBAs (65%) was much more of what we wanted to see, and he has to be on the upgrade radar while we can get the chance to grab him. Brownlow Bont is here. 

Naughton (123) – You just hate to play that in draft. Week ruiner.

Libba (122) – 74% TOG, 15 CBAs… But Libba still dominated. A safe draft pick as always, he’s going nowhere.

English (121) – Almost had more disposals (22) than hitouts, and as anyone does he dominated briggsy. R1. 

Jaques (112) – My weekend was almost over before it began, benching old Jaques for a bloody ton! 29 disposals?! Lock him in your lineups from here on, I didn’t realise he had a 76 point half in him. 

Kennedy (110) – 27 and a goal, 18 CBAs, he is goated. The Dogs are goated. 

Callaghan (109) – The perfect modern midfielder. I have him locked in my top 8 byes, it’s just a shame about these damn byes…

Holmes (132) – 32 disposals, 7 marks, 8 tackles, 28 CBAs (most in the game) AND 3 KICK INS. Total freak show, top 8 mid lock. He’s on my upgrade radar in Round 3, tags will be the only thing stopping Homma going 115+. He’s too good to run free.

Smith (130) – I want him in round 3 BAD. Bazlenka will never cop a tag, get 80% CBAs and pump out these monster ceiling scores. He’s back. 

Jackson (125) – R2…? The rules are made for him, what a dominant performance. 22 CBAs, plenty as a legit mid was fantastic to see. At the same time, it’s just bizarre from Freo. Why not just play him as a full time ruck and not play the dinosaur? 27 disposals, 18 contested, 10 clearances. How do you stop that? He’s in for me next week. 

Zorko (121) – Ridiculous. Fair enough if you started him, his price is flying but you’ll have to hold this week. What a great unique to own.

Milera (111) – 34 disposals and 6 marks. 7 kick ins. He had a great pre season game as well, and has promised for many years to have a great fantasy year… Could 2026 be the one? I think so. I would be seriously thinking about moving Colby or Archie across to him, depending on how you nailed your rookies.

Sheezel (118) – 31 disposals, 8 marks and 5 tackles, it’s just what the Sheez does. North look great too! LDU still sees the most attention at stoppage, it’s just all set up for a monster season for Sheezel. 

Hall (115) – 26 and 4, one game watching Max Hall is all it will take for you to realise how much of a gun he is. I have him down for a similar season to your Gryan Miers and Dylan Moore types, what a brilliant draft pick. 

Sinclair (110) – 31 disposals and 7 kick ins. It’s a great start, and if he’s down back junking by himself in this side with this game plan, he will go 110+. Unfortunately (lol) Sinc had 4 CBAs in the last qtr, so let’s see what they do next week after two losses in a row. 

Petracca (108) – Bloody gun, but he won’t kick 70 goals this year… or will he?

LOSERS

Grundy (51) – 51 of the worst points you will ever see. Where do I even start with an effort like this. I spent $1.1M dollars for my ruckman to be my SECOND LOWEST scorer on the ground. People saved $900k and scored 20 extra points with McR2. It couldn’t have been more shambolic, every time I switched to this game I saw this **** on all fours. He spent more time on the deck than on his feet! What do we do with it? His line for me to hold next week is 130, and he plays the Hawks, who he scored 69 on last year and tag team the rucks with Meek and Reeves… It won’t get any better. A total disaster. How can a pig put up an effort like that…

A.Roberts (59) – Just an absolute disaster. Had we known Brad Scott was going to completely lose the plot and play the runner up in the BnF from last year 61% of the game, nobody would have picked Archie. It’s bizarre cause we didn’t see this in pre season, as he racked up disposals with 80%+ TOG. He played the most minutes for the bombers last year!! Their midfield mix was all over the shop and it didn’t help as they were all sh*t. Roberts surely has to be prioritised for them… He will be fine. 

Parish (75) – He won’t be. To say the game has gone past Darcy Parish is the biggest understatement since somebody in 1914 said it would be a short, swift war. He looks slow, sh*t and doesn’t have a defensive bone in his body. And he used to be my boy! Life is better without him in your side, I can promise you that.

Lalor (68) – It was just never going to be enough, he might as well be a rookie. Awesome player though.

Caldwell (91) – A tale of two halves. At half time I’ll admit I was in full sook mode for going against Caldwell, who had 144 in this same fixture last season. Despite being on 77 at the half, there were some red flags. Mainly, he went at 12% efficiency in Q1 and the Bombers started getting smashed. Is he good enough to be a full time midfielder? We’d love it from a fantasy perspective, the numbers speak for themselves… I’m just not sure it should happen. 

Blakiston (47) – Got beaten up in the ruck by the toughest ruck duo in the league. He absolutely deserves at least one more chance, and Bryan is still a while away. Hold strong (Unless he gets dropped). 

Brayshaw (53) – The most washed **** in the league. I don’t even know what this is? We had him in our multi for 22 disposals, a safe bet you would think. 14 touches? He barely made it halfway. Andy hasn’t tonned since Round 18, carrying a highest score of 90 and an average of under 80. He’s no good anymore, simple as. Games gone past him. 

Gulden (101) – Well f**king hell, this game just isn’t fair. Errol was on track for 130+ AND forward status. Now he’s out for 4 months thanks to shoulder surgery. It’s one of the more devastating blows in draft I can remember, and in fantasy a forced trade week 1 is just as unideal as it gets. There’s plenty of options, but I’m chasing rookies this week. I’m either cashing up or Errol is staying, and I’m treating up to Bazlenka in Round 3. 

Ashcroft (67) – 17 CBAs, and just a total Will Ashcroft disaster. This game simply wasn’t big enough for him I guess. Put a line through train tracks Ashcroft. Disgraceful effort. 

Heeney (65) – “Tight hammy.” Please. Anyone who has ever done a minor hammy saw that tweak, heard it was precautionary and already has a line through him this week. He was no good before this anyway, but it makes him a prime upgrade target in a few weeks time…

Coleman (58) – Embarrassing. Send him to a rookie when you get a spare trade, I just don’t see the upside with Zorko and Wilmot racking up. 

Gallop (16) – Ah… We got a fair bit right in our Round 0 Wash-up podcast, but this wasn’t one of them… Welcome Brayden Cook. We made ourselves a bonus $4k!

Warner (39) – 39 points in a 7 goal win?! That’s not even classic Cheeksy, what can you possibly do with this in draft. Keep it in mind when he’s cheap in Classic too, there is no price where he’s safe value. Yuck. 

Allen (19) – Getting belted, can’t get a kick and Oscar Allen gets sent back to half back, because no coach or team can solve this one glaring issue. He’s sh*t.

Bergman (52) – An embarrassing effort, but anyone who followed the washup last year already knew this experience doesn’t end well. Miles Bergman is the most overrated player in the comp bar none. Disgusting. 

T.Marshall (43) – I was a bit nervous watching Todd rack up in Q1, take some kick ins… It was a fair play, and if you had the two forward rookies I think you have the perfect forward structure. Just ship him to Brayden Cook and you’re all good. 

McKercher (40) – Colby, what the hell are we supposed to do with this?! I don’t even know where you go from here. Common sense would say Colby isn’t going to be play that little and score so poorly ever again, and you would surely be right… But the kangas had a brilliant win and he looked, dare I say, zippy in the middle and up forward. If they keep playing well and the split is 50/50 MID/FWD, he would be a must trade. At least he plays the Eagles.

Steele (85) – A 37 point Q4 saved his day, and frankly I think Steele owners got kissed. His low(ish) TOG and 61% CBAs match up perfectly with what we saw in pre-season, and is exactly what he will offer this young, exciting Melbourne side. The game is way too fast for him, and the Dees game plan bypasses Old Man Steele completely. It’s DEFCON 2 in my eyes for old strapped Jack, soon to be 1. Terrible. 

NWM (77) – Ross, what exactly are we doing here? Nasiah is the most exciting player in the comp, and I get the appeal to play him at full forward. Unfortunately that hanger he took in Q4 was a disaster, as it only vindicated playing him out of the cage. Playing Nasiah Wanganeen-Milera at full forward while your mids are getting towelled up and you can’t move the ball quickly from half back. Brilliant. 39% CBAs is just hilarious stuff, and DEF/MID/FWD status is on!!! It just makes literally zero footballing sense. Start him in the guts and give him free rein to play where ever he wants. Side note, he will be a must get upgrade target off his bye…

Windsor (65) – Unfortunately, this is Caleb Windsor. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a brilliant player and only 20 years old, but in no way shape or form is he a fantasy scorer. 21 disposals, 56% CBAs. He will be OK, but temper all expectations. I think he should become a rookie ASAP. 

Lindsay (60) – Xavier Lindsay ticks all the boxes regarding role and fantasy nous, but despite his 5 kick ins he ended with 18 disposals and just the 1 mark. The Dees play at lightning pace, and it doesn’t let any of their half backs junk it up. I would be concerned with how Melbourne players will score, just like Hawks players. Stocks down. 

Phillipou (33) – Breaking news just in – Poo stinks. I think we were all blessed by the fact that we got to see Round 0 and pre-season, because if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck…….

Z.Uwland (19) – Against the eagles. Oh brother, this guy stinks! Maybe next year Zeke, but those Errol comparisons look way off. 

THIS GAME SH*TS ME

Early season rookie roulette will ruin our weekends for at least the next month. The odds of nailing everything is next to zero, however can I not miss out on a ONE HUNDRED AND TWELVE. 112. The week feels like it’s over before it begins, thankfully I nailed the Dev Robertson call or it would have been a dark week in the coaches performance review. As long as you have the cash generators, it’s fine… But that doesn’t mean it won’t bloody hurt the soul. 

THE OTHER BITS AND PIECES

2163, ranked 5249. Only the 1 major f**k up in my side, Brodie Grundy, and the thought process was right there anyway. Jackson will come in on his bye. No midpriced rubbish to worry about that we didn’t get to cheat with in Round 0. Life is good.

To come out of Round 1 rolling lockout with just one complete and utter meltdown is a big win for myself. I’m not sure who stole my phone to put LDU in the side, but somebody has to be there for some content. I can’t win the Tundra too easy.  

With my $124k in the bank I’m fixing Gallop to Cook, and then moving Gulden (Or Carrol if dropped) to Murdock. That sets me up with the ability to bring in a Bazlenka in Round 3 given I already have Nick Daicos, and hopefully move the former ruck pig on to the next ruck pig on the block. 

Gallop -> Cook

Gulden -> Murdock

$853k in the bank…

That will be all for this week legends, let’s hope our sides have a little more luck in Round 2! Be sure to check out the podcast and we’ll be back for another debrief next Monday…

Want to share your classic this game sh*ts me stories over the weekend with like minded coaches? Join the wash-up fantasy community over on discord! If you don’t laugh, you’ll cry. We’ll be heating up throughout the pre-season heading into Round 1, get around it…

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