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DT Dick of the Week – Week 6

Who gets mentioned for round six?

Howdy Heroes, I hope you all had a great 5 days of footy.  The DoW is late this week as the ANZAC Day thing is pretty big in the Flipper family and I was away from the action a bit during the latter stages of the 5 day festival of footy we just enjoyed.

This little corner of the web was not meant to be where much serious stuff in terms of analysis was provided.  What we’re trying for here is a lightening of the load in the heavy going of getting our Fantasy teams to where they need to be.  The venting part of the web where no one gets hurt and no gold nuggets of PoD’s will be discussed or discovered.  However, in a sign the world may well be coming to an end, this little article I do weekly has actually predicted the future.  A couple of weeks ago I asked the mediots out there to stop with the Nick Daicos is the best player in the league stuff.  The main reason I thought it was bad juju was because it would lead to unnecessary negative talk and we should just enjoy the kid playing so well…and scoring so well for us.  Lo and behold, less than a fortnight later and there it was, hes over rated, he gets too much easy ball, he hasn’t been tested, he’s not blah blah blah.  Just garbage debate started by the guys who were then arguing it.

We all know Naicos sees as much soft ball as a physiotherapist at an old folks home but that the way his coach wants it.  Its not a weakness, it’s his team plan.  Plus the kid is only about 50kgs, not all draftees come out Ginbey-esque and ready to eat bricks.  They want him and his Bro with the pill.  AND SO DO WE!  Leave the little gun alone and just let him play.  He’s not the best player in the league yet, but he’s one of the best to watch and we don’t need to put big targets on the back of young guns, especially Fantasy Guns.  How long before some list clogger out there decides to make a name for himself by taking down “the best young kid to ever play” or “the most over rated kid going round” – whichever moniker they use to piss them off.  Jesus wept just let the kid play.

Anyway, rant over.  I’d give a big DoW to the entire AFL media industry but frankly if I did it one week, I’d have to award it to them weekly given the horrid standard that exists out there.  So instead we’ll concentrate on those in the game.  To start, and sticking with the Daicos theme, another positive prong for a sublime scoring and real world performance from the little jet and time to throw some positive pronging to his brother as well.  The show yesterday was a great one and the3 3 people who don’t currently have Nick were spewing as much as those of us who have him were enjoying it.  Great game from Naicos and he’s now a genuine option for the C each week in your team as long as coaches keep sending the Joneses or the Stringers of the world to stifle his input.

While we’re positive pronging, at the other end of the ANZAC footy festival, what a performance from The Bont on the Friday to kick things off!  The lanky young super star whacked out 148 against a Freo outfit that is fast becoming a joke but is still filled with good mids to beat.  Capped by a mark of the year contender this was an amazing game.  Bont would be in about 30% more teams if he didn’t have to deal with the angry Hobbit throwing magnets around like a drunken monkey throws crap.  Whilst we’re on this game a couple of drive by dickings to Andy Brayshaw and Rory Lobb.  AB gets a prong for making coaches stare in disbelief as his score didn’t move a single point in the 3rd quarter, he still made 99 but a 0pt qtr is Dick-ish for sure.  Lobb gets a dong for being undoubtedly and even statistically measured as the worst player on the ground, managing that while being on the winning team and then still waltzing putting that horrible haircut on national TV in the after match interview.  No doubt this was pre-arranged but if I’ve had hurt my teams chances of winning and clearly handled the pressure I came under as well as expensive crystal handles being dropped on concrete I’m waving Abbey off and giving the limelight to someone more deserving, which would have been any other player out there for either team.

Positive mentions briefly to Stevie Cogs at GWS for his season best 135 in a performance that we’re hoping to see much more often from him.  Connor Rozee was also a brilliant light for us with his 133, a score shared by Lachie Weller who has come back from a knee injury in a way that’s making me think I should go out and get one.  Rory Sloan alse deserves a prong here after playing a game that had me making sure it wasn’t 2015 again.  111 from Rory was a real bright spot.  Adam Cerra’s got to get a name here for a very dick-ish score of 130.  I mean half your coaches have now jumped of you Cherry Bomb but now you’re pumping out the big scores?  I mean well done on the resurgence but also I’m sure there’s more than 1 coach looking at that score and throwing up in their mouth, inconsiderate work from you Cezz.

OK, we started in the bright lights but know its time to name and shame those who a lot of coaches hold and a lot of coaches moaned about over the footy weekend.   JHF is becoming an absolute staple in this weekly dive into the Dicks but when you’re putting 38 points up on the board in 70% game time in a game your side is cruising in, you’ve got to get a roast.  Booing him because of the North fiasco might be harsh but 38pts and a season average of 62 and still 18% of teams hanging on to you as they must be fixing up other horror stories is just not fair Jase!  Especially whilst the guy who should have gone at #1 when you made it clear you thought you deserved it is racking up points at an historic rate.  It’s beyond time to lift Horn-bag, you’ve received way too many dongs so far.

Touk Miller was a very popular upgrade target this week if the stats late last week held true.  He ran out with the weight of over 10% of teams naming him for the first time this year with those coaches hoping Touk Touk would carry them to Hat-land.  In a devastating turn of events Touk not only got off to a so-so start, he then injured his knee and is looking at lots of weeks out.  I mentioned in the very first article that the DOW would not always be fair and an injury hit score for one of all of our favourites speaks loudly to that.  Touky has been a darling for each and every sensible coach at some stage during his career and we wish him well.  I shudder to think how big he can get those pythons of his when all he can do is rehab while sitting down for a while.  Getting tackled by Touk on his return will likely feel like being hit by a truck.

A previous DoW winner came within a pubic hair of getting the award again this week.  With almost 8% of coaches running you out there Lachie Neale you need to be doing much better than 70 points, especially 2 weeks after doing badly enough to get a DoW award.  You’re doing what we all hate in this caper from Dicks which is going up and down frantically when we just don’t want that.  Your last month has been 104, 76, 116, 70.  That’s just nightmare fuel.  Hold or ditch is so much harder to decide when you could be ditching the week you go BANG.  Be kinder Lachie, you;re playing like you still want to leave Bris Vegas.

Others who gave a dose of the wrong sort of clap to their coaches this weekend included a very popular pick from last week in Chayce Jones over at the Crows.  We’re not expecting massive things from you Jonesy but a bit more than 37 would be great thanks.  9 possessions against the Hawks?  W…T…F on that one my friend.  Only 3 tackles too?  I mean its bloody cold in Tassie a lot of the year so you’d think you’d want to hug a few more blokes just to keep warm.  A guy called Chayce should be dishing out cuddles left right and centre.  You’ve shot your BE and frankly flicked the bird to all who showed some faith in you…and yes I’m one.  DAMMIT!

Now though it is time for the awarding of the weekly DT Talk Dick of the Week and I take no pleasure in announcing that for week 6 the DoW goes to Luke Davies-Uniake of North after his 66 this week.  I raged against the North decision to pull him out of the Tassie game 30 seconds before the bounce after his 30min flight from Melbourne a few weeks ago but maybe something else happened on that flight because he hasn’t been the same since then.  No Bradman’s and 2 very crappy days out since then doesn’t inspire the breakout hopers who lined up for you LDU.  Pre-season you were all the rage and Caleb Serong was being scorned as a pick when I did the Deck of DT Card on him.  Now look at you both.  What happened on that flight LDU?  We need to know?  Blink twice at your next press conference if you need help and we’ll send someone around.

Now yes, your running mate Jy Simpkin was out this week which meant you copped more attention, everyone who considered or picked you was aware this might happen but ferrcryssakes 66 is just way too limp a biscuit for the 10% of coaches who bet on your breakout this year.  I saw you go round live in Rd2 where you King Kong-ed the hell out of the Freo mids while pumping out a 123!  This had every coach who didn’t swallow your breakout potential regretting leaving you out immensely.  You copped attention that night but you loved the attention then as much as BT hosting one of his Fan Club high teas.  Since the mysterious flight related injury there’s been 91, 76, 66 which is a trend no one likes.  That’s cool if you’re tracking golf scores LDU but in Fantasy world that is murdering those who love you.  Be kinder LDU, your coaches need you.  Get back to breaking out because in full flight you’re tremendous to watch, but the last few weeks has been like being locked in a room listening to Tom Browne give a Ted Talk on his 54 best qualities as a human.  That’s a short talk if anyone else gives it but with Tommy at the mic its a good 3 hours.

So with the newest DoW named and noting that we’re at the quarter pole of the season, and with thanks to Dulcify for the suggestion, I’ve been tracking the weekly Dicks 3-2-1 style to give us some ongoing interest toward an ultimate DT Talk Dick of the Year Award.  Obviously its tight at the top given its early days and the current top 10 is as follows;

  1. Lachie Neale                       6 votes
  2. Justin Longmuir                 4
  3. James Sicily                         4
  4. Luke Beveridge                   3
  5. Rory Laird                            3
  6. Jack Macrae                        3
  7. Jason Horne Francis         3
  8. Angus Brayshaw                3
  9. Luke Davies-Uniake         3
  10. Tom Stewart                       2

That’s a top class field as we sit right now.  Some names there that have had us flinging bricks everywhere mixed in with some fan favourites who’ve suffered some bad days.  I’ll flick up the leaderboard again at the halfway point to see how things are tracking then.  The one thing we need now is to decide on what we call the medal we award to the ultimate DT Dick of the Year.  When I think of Dicks, Kane Cornes immediately comes to mind so the Kane Cornes Dick of the Year Medal does sound good, but is it Fantasy relevant?  Tom Browne and Dick certainly look good when juxtaposed.  From a Fantasy perspective there’s probably a better option to go with.  A friend of mine has suggested the Un-Pig or Anti-Pig DT Dick of the Year but I think we can do better.  Ryan Crowley and Cameron Ling have ruined our premo scoring over the years and could qualify as well.  I’m open to suggestions in this regard so leave some you think might work in the comments or email me at and if we got with your call that Moreira’s Magic will be yours next year.

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5 months ago

Doesn’t matter what you end up calling the award, Kane Cornes will always be a D!CK.

5 months ago

Hmmm… let’s see…

Ben Cousins Dick of the Year Medal
Wayne Carey Dick of the Year Medal
Jack Ginnivan Dick of the Year Medal
Dayne Zorko Dick of the Year Medal

There are and have been plenty of D1cks past of present but…

Kane Cornes Dick of the Year Medal does sound phonetically pleasant.

5 months ago

And now LDU is out for round 7! Could be in for another Dick next week…

5 months ago
Reply to  Scott

dodged a bullet with this one.. almost brought him in to save some $$ over Laird, but wanted the safe C option, so in came Rory, although he is probs out this week anyway..

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