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The Preseason

2023 Dicks of DT

On the eve of the Deck of DT, FlipperTC names up a full suite of Dicks of DT.

A DT Dick is a guy who has, or will, contribute in one or more of the following categories;

  • Will have a decent number of normally reasonable Coaches talking themselves in to selecting them,
  • They will have decent stats &/or onfield performance regularly enough to be interesting but not often enough to matter or be reliable,
  • They have promised us the world but delivered us Bankstown,
  • They have cost me personally a game, a season or a number of trades during a season and I still hate them for it – or they’ve done that to someone I know.

Some of the names below are there based on the performances they have dished up in a previous year or over a number of years.  However, there are some who are previous high performers that have been or will next year be ruined by coaches, themselves or injuries and so they exist here as a warning to anyone putting a side together this year. It’s also worth noting the Dicks are only placed on the list because of their potential to kill you in the Classic game, NOT Draft.  That’s important to remember as some are good Draft picks.  They’re also presented in no order at all.

I almost guarantee there will be factual errors in the content provided.  I checked little of it, re-read even less.  Take heed or ignore, it’s entirely your choice.  But I bet I’m right.

>> The real Deck of DT starts January 1

1. Aaron Hall

A-A-Ron can pile them up in terms of stats.  He’s a bit like Taylor Swift in that his greatest hits aren’t too bad but there is so much other shit in there you just can’t buy the Album.  He tops the list of Dicks in my books because I had him last year.  Twice.  So I am the idiot I am trying to warn off from selecting this guy this year.  There is so much about this guy’s history to like, and this is what makes him so bloody dangerous to coaches.  He’s had great games, he’s had great months, he’s had…he’s had it waaaay too easy at North is what he’s had.  Yes Clarko can be a Fantasy friendly coach but he’s also a hard bastard and if you think for one second that he’s going to let A-A-Ron wander around between the back pocket and the wing picking up cheapies but not defending…like EVER…then you’re in for a nasty shock.  Hall will have to spend some tickets defending from here on in and that means twice the running (at least) and therefore twice the chance one of those huge thighs or hammies exploding and getting the cookie dough his legs are probably filled with all over the nearest oppo player when it goes bang.  He’s a DT Dick ACE.

2. Andrew Gaff

Once again, this bloke has a history that suggests he could be a well-priced bounce back candidate.  Upside a-plenty and tilted headed tonnes up the wazoo litter his past accomplishments.  Well I’m here to tell you this timid little sniper has as much Fantasy value as Delta Goodrem would have if she lined up on a West Coast wing this year.  Snipey McSnipeFace had a year or 2 (maybe more) when he could run around on his own in amongst a stacked team racking up possies like campsite mozzies.  He did this by kicking sideways, getting it back and then repeating that a few times before the ball found its way to a good distributor who then would finally look for Kennedy or Diver Darling and things worked out great.  He has a tiny little body that is pretty much 100% tank so he could do that all day in amongst getting quick rests out on the fat side wing.  But then he bought the karma bus to town on himself when he bashed a defenceless Hobbit who was deigning to pay him some attention and reduce his easy soft ball gets.  Since that day Gaff has had a total of 3 hard ball gets and averages about 59 or something (potentially a made up stat).  Word is already seeping out of the Eagle nest that Gaff is training the house down and in for a big year.  He’s also still slow, still can’t hurt anyone with the ball and doesn’t do anything when he doesn’t have it.  I’m begging you all to select him based on the training reports you’ll hear, please, PLEASE pick him…I want a hat.  AG is a Dick of DT King.

3. Brayden Preuss

I don’t think there’ll be a lot of surprise to find the big man on this list.  He killed so many of us in the year of the Ruck-apocalypse 2022.  He is here because he either gets injured or he gets suspended just when you really need him.  You had him in your team because of his bargain price and so when he punches a dude wearing a different jumper or he snaps an ankle, you can’t easily replace him.  Now I am happy to admit I’m going hard on a few players in this list but I’m not going to do that with big Preussy.  There’s a good reason for this.  I’m going easy because I am a coward.  It may be very unlikely but one day we MAY meet and I know for sure he’d destroy me.  So I’ll just say you should pick him at your peril and leave it at that.  The huge Prius (not a typo) is a Dick of DT Jack.

4. Lachie Whitfield

“Oh that’s a tough call” I hear you cry.  “He’s won me plenty of league games” I hear you moan.  “Well write your own dam list” I yell back because this guy is an absolute Monty to be here.  He’s a gutsy bloke out on the ovals he graces so he gets put to sleep waaay too often.  If not that then he breaks himself in 3 pieces just as often and so he can’t be considered anything but a DT Dick.  Add in the new fact he’s lost the DP and you can completely forget about picking him up in your Classic team.  Even if he DP’s again later on he won’t lose his DT Dick status because the day you bring him in the clock starts counting down on when he will need to be traded out.  Unreliable, pricey and inconsistent.  He’s a Dick of DT Queen.

5. Ben Keays

Benny has done many of us a decent job over the years and he’s in here largely on my predictive powers more than past performance.  However it is his most recent performances which form the reason for my predictive call here.  His finish to last year, especially post bye but even before that was, to put it nicely, cod-ordinary.  He’ll be priced OK next season and there’ll be many who grab him for that reason.  However, he had a role change that caused the drop and Nicksy stayed with it for the year so he’s likely to stick with it next year too.  He’s just not getting the pill as much.  He will have a few games where he gets the 100 with 15 tackles but they will be far less frequent than his Pig-lite days and so in my view, as a Fantasy guy he’s lost power and relevance.  Benny is a Dick of DT Queen.

6. Matt Crouch

Surely no arguments here and he’s found his way on the list not so much because I think people will still think about picking him, but he’s here because of the amount of oxygen and time was devoted to discussing his selection last year…and the year before…and the year before that.  Surely everyone (Calvin) has learnt now that this guy has his own dog house at Crows HQ and Nicks won’t let him out in anything other than an extreme emergency.  Even if he does get a run and plonk 35 possessions on the stats sheet, he’ll be out again the first chance the Crow coach gets.  Not all Dicks are Dicks by their own fault.  Matty is a Dick of DT Jack.

7. Wayne Milera

Here’s another one who has dominated the airwaves over the last few years.  Many of us have been waiting for the young(ish) man to break out and launch us to the upper levels of the rankings.  Unfortunately that breakout has never come and instead he’s left many coaches scrambling for options.  He’s either not in the team, or if he’s in the team he’s about as reliable as a boozed up Steven May surrounded by his teammates.  He’ll get the breakout noise again next season and I’m sure to see him in my league games next season too.  But those teams will be easily dealt with so thanks for the 4 points.  Wayne is a Dick of DT King.

8. Cam Rayner

With Cam we face yet another perennial break out candidate.  He hasn’t had many years in the league and he’s been out for 1 of those but the time devoted to him and working out how many CBA’s he’ll attend etc has not come close to matching the output he has achieved.  Not only that, I’m predicting he won’t ever match it.  He’s an impact guy and not a numbers guy.  The ball gets out of his area whenever he gets it as he loves a dump kick so he’s never there for the 1-2 and he’s not a tackler or accumulator.  They want him getting the pill not tackling so he’s on the attack not grabbing a +4.  Spare me any talk of this guy hitting the averages that’ll justify the talk he’ll get.  CamRa is a Dick of DT King.

9. Rhys Mathieson

Some boys make this list because they look like they can score and then don’t.  Some guys are on the list because they used to be able to score and now don’t.  Some guys are on this list because they call themselves “The Barometer” and they don’t even get games.  Glenn Maxwell is a Cricket Dick because he names himself the Big Show and then is only the Big Show once every 2 seasons and the No Show the rest of the time.  But at least he gets games.  He does, at least, SHOW.  Rhys doesn’t even play and yet he still nicknames himself.  If he called himself “The Bench” then he’d not be here, but he didn’t so he is.  Rhys is a Dick of DT Jack.

10. Paddy Dow

If you have an issue with Paddy Dow being on this list you are either a Carlton supporter, a member of the Dow family or you’re Roy.  Surely now he’s done his dash with us Fantasy Freakoids.  I’m just so relieved he didn’t get traded this off season so we are spared the “in a new environment and a coach who gives him some game time he’ll surge” conversations that a trade would have inevitably led too.  He’s had his crack, he cracks when he’s had it.  Forget him.  Paddy’s an easy King in the Dicks of DT pack.

11. Zac Williams

Zac is another who will surprise no one he’s here but he’s also one that could make some of us look silly at the end of this year.  I don’t believe for a second it will happen, but he’s more likely than most on here to actually pay his way if picked.  However, Zac’s reliability in terms of availability makes Lachie Whitfield look like an iron man.  Like many others here, even when fit his scores are anaemic mostly and then encouraging for a week.  Anyone thinking of putting Zacattack in their teams as a POD, remember he had value when the Blues were thinking of playing him in the middle after he had some ripper games in there for GWS.  There’s as much chance of Zac getting in the Blues midfield this year as there is Neymar staying on his feet when he feels contact on the soccer pitch.  Zac is a Dick of DT King.

12. Jai Newcombe

Jai is too young and too tough and too much of a good soldier to be here but here he is and here he belongs – for 2023 anyway.  But its not all his fault.  Jai didn’t just make his way in to the AFL, he struggled and bit and scratched to get there via the MSD and he got there in a crap team.  True to form, when he got his chance he didn’t just do a decent job, he Barlow-ed that shit.  He tonned up and he did it with repeatable stats, high tackles, decent possie numbers, some marks in there too.  This dude was going to be IT for the rest of the year.  A month later and he wasn’t playing.  Then he did, then he didn’t.  Clarko hated his haircut or something but whatever it was, Jai had gone from being the potential next Mikey Barlow to the potential next Mitch Thorpe.  If you’re too young for that reference then I hate you and your stupid haircut but Thorpe tonned up twice in 2 games and was never heard from again.  I think that was him.  Anyway, back to Jai.  So come the end of year 1 for him and Clarko was out and Sammy was in which was great news for Jai surely.  Sam was his Box Hill coach so he’d give him a run for sure.  He was now a breakout target, even more so when Sammy said our favourite Pig Tommy Mitch was going to be phased out of the middle to give the young guys a run.  Well Jai is a young guy so here we go – mega breakout on the way.  Nup.  Jai played, but he tagged, then he defensive midded, then he did some other shit but what he didn’t do was rack up big scores that made Fantasy trousers around the country tighten up.  He was a let down.  For that reason Jai makes the Dicks of DT list as a Jack.

13. Pat Lipinski

Collingwood fans had all the faith in the world in this guy going ballistic.  So did many “sperts” in the pod game who had him in their kick-off team last year.  Honestly I don’t really know why I didn’t see it but to me he was always a bit part-er in either a good team or bad one.  The Pies ended up being pretty dam good and in terms of real world gear, which surprised many of us, and annoyed even more.  Patty L was also good for decent stretches, but his performance doesn’t stretch to the Fantasy world.  At least not yet.  He gives me the Heeney vibes as a Fantasy pick.  Good player, SHOULD be a good scorer, but he isn’t scoring consistently.  So with that I’m not touching him until he is one of those reliable guys.  This means I miss out on a potential breakout year but I suspect he is slowly going to creep up to being relevant to Fantasy scorers, he’s not going to jump up from nowhere.  That means Pat is a creeping Dick.  Patty can play, but he can’t score well enough so he makes this list on that alone which makes him a DT Dick Jack.

14. Brodie Grundy

OK this one is a little tougher to swallow but I am not going to let my previous love and reliance on Brodie Grundy sway me from the facts.  We all know he is a member of and on the committee for the illustrious 3P Club (Proud Past Pig).  But we also have to accept the fact that his days of being a current pig are sadly gone.  Not only are those mega score days gone, but now they are also Gawn.  Brodie at Melbourne may well work out from a strategic and on-field performance standpoint for the D’s, but it certainly kills any chance at all of Brodie returning to the P’s (P for pigs – keep up).  Now there is a scenario where Grundy at the D’s pays off for Fantasy owners big time, but that takes a situation that big Max doesn’t deserve and of which I shan’t speak in to existence.  There is an argument to also include Max in this list but I didn’t because I firmly believe they will be making sure Grundy fits in with how they want to play Max, and not the other way around.  So for me, Brodie gets a place here.  If that wasn’t enough he also adds to the ruck ruckus in terms of picking guys to fill that role for us this year.  Not only is he now a non-starter, but he’s made another former set and forget starter in Maxy G a non-starter too.  I reluctantly give Brodie a Dick of DT list ranking of Queen.

15. Taylor Adams

We’re edging closer to the pick that’ll make or break whether this article sees the light of day or not but no, we’re not there yet (don’t look down).  Taylor is gutsy, he’s hard to tag, he’s regularly consistent and constantly disappointing.  Unfortunately for those of us who never picked him, the word is now out for TA and I don’t think there will be many who buy a ticket on the T-Train this year.  But I’ve already heard enough about him from decent coaches I know who are actually putting him on watch to include him in this list.  Frankly, to have him here is justified based on his previous 2-3 seasons alone so there shouldn’t really be any push back here.  Boy can play, but boy he so often doesn’t.  He’ll kill you with his lack of the most important ability – availability.  Adams makes the Dick of DT list and earns his way in as a King.

16. Tom Mitchell

Yep, you read that right – not a typo.  Another 3P Proud Past Pig member has made the Dicks of DT list and I know for sure this will be the most contentious one.  This name will get me abused as much as Michael Pell if he turns up to the AFL Umpires Xmas party.  But not only do I refuse to remove Titch, I’m as sure about this pick as I am for 39% of other guys on this list.  Give me a chance to outline why before finding my address and painting my dog pink.  I have read and I have heard so much about how the Pig will be BACK next season.  Free Tommy has arrived and he’s got his itchy snout back.  Praise the Lord Jeebus and thank God that the evil Sam Mitchell namesake Tom to go back to racking up 140’s for us and a 120 end of year average – maybe only 110.  Well I’m here to let you know this is a good real world pick up for the Pies, but it isn’t going to be the Fantasy boon you think it will.  Stats are like a loose mistress at times, you can plonk them on a table and get anything you want out of them.  They can also mislead you in to thinking love is real.  We all love Pig Tom.  We all want Pig Tom back.  Honestly we kind of need Pig Tom back.  There are too few Pigs right now.  We yearn for another Pig, especially an under-priced rebounding Pig.  But I’m sorry, he’s not coming back, at least not at the Pies.  I know the strong word on the silver medallist Trader pod was he’s a lock, CBA’s make him a lock, you need to cast him in concrete in your team and I really do get the excitement, I was super pumped initially too.  But that excitement was based pretty exclusively around CBA’s.  He had so few at the Hawks, and he’s going to get so many more at the Pies.  Well CBA’s are nice, but they don’t do the whole job for us.  I’d argue we need to look past just the CBA’s and consider game style here and the Pies aren’t hugely Fantasy friendly.  There’s some nice players there but nothing rock solid Premo about them.  That’s because they move the ball quickly and the ball does not hang in an area where 1-2’s are easy to get.  The reason Crispy Jack is tastier down back rather than in the guts is they get the ball away from stoppages so quickly.  The constant knock on Mitchell in the real world game has been that even at his Brownlow best, he didn’t hurt teams enough because he was getting his punches in small bunches using the give and get back, go sideways, here I am again and come back to me to give me another 3.  The Pies don’t play that way.  They do for Nick Daicos in the backline to get him the pill but Mitchell isn’t the surgeon with the ball that Nick is.  Mitchell will help the Pies for sure and certain, but he’s a trap for Fantasy coaches.  He’s going to make a Dick of anyone who picks him.  In the words of Billy Joel – “you may be right, I may be crazy” but I can tell you Titch is not for me.  You’ve heard me out and if you still want to paint bomb my place then let me make it easy for you – I live at AFL House, go for it.  The President of the 3P Club gets on the Dicks of DT list and he ranks a Queen.

17. Andrew McGrath

I have to be honest here.  As I went through the Essendon list, there were more I considered including than most other clubs.  On-field performance is often a reflection of Fantasy relevance.  There are exceptions to this of course, Merrett and Parish are a couple.  However within those exceptions there are those that prove the rule.  Now I’m not here to enter the bust or not argument when it comes to McGrath, that’s of no interest to me.  I am here for Fantasy feels only.  McGrath has been spoken of in hushed tones for a while now.  It went from “here he comes as a gun mid” to “wait til he gets DP as a back” to “when the hell will this guy matter?”.  From a Fantasy perspective I think the ship has sailed on Andy Mac and we can plonk him in this list and put a red line through him as a good Classic pick.  McGrath makes anyone who picks him trade him in disgust so he’s in the list as a DT Dick King.

18. Sam Draper

I love mullets, I love guys who flog themselves to better themselves, I love big goofy bastards bending ‘nana’s on the run from the centre bounce, I love guys who love playing.  Sam ticks all those boxes.  The guys a fun watch and seems an absolute top gun bloke too.  But other big blokes don’t mind playing against Sam and Sam hates scoring.  Sooner or later Warnie will die on this Hill and finally accept that beneath all the fun, the effort, the hair and the hassle there lies a player who will make a decent career as an average player and someone who will never score well on a regular basis.  He’s just not that great.  Too many still think he’s going to Top 5 Ruck us in this very next season.  It’s just not happening.  Sam is a guy I want to see play 300 games, mostly because I know my rucks will get the better of him every time.  As such he’s a Dick of DT King.

19. Jye Caldwell

This is another name that will rankle some because the Lad can score well when he gets the right role and gets a few games in at it.  The obvious counter here is that he just doesn’t get enough games to ever be a good pick.  He’s made of plastic but that’s only part of the picture here.  Jye is also one of those blokes that is easy to drop and easy to move out of position because his profile is that of “handy dude”.  No coach will ever get killed for playing JC out of position or dropping him.  There’ll be no national outcry if he plays in the ‘goos.  He’s completely dispensable so he’ll not be Fantasy reliable despite his obvious tools and potential.  The other thing to factor in is his Club keeps drafting guys who will push him further out of his sweet scoring spot.  He already had competition and each year he gets 2 more at high profile picks that people WILL squawk about and WILL want to see play in their best possie.  Jye is a mirage and makes the DT Dicks list as a Queen.

20. Luke Jackson

The big fella got himself a trade back home and the Dockers paid a good price to get him there.  He’s big, young, talented, athletic and he’s going to get games, lots and lots and lots of them.  There’s even talk of him playing a hybrid role of ruck-mid.  That’ll be awesome and I have no doubt he’ll have an impact there.  He’s even at a tantalising price for a guy who you just KNOW will play EVERY game and has 100’s in his history and his future.  But you know what he won’t do?  He won’t be the number 1 ruck, nor will he be the number 1 mid, nor will he be the number 1 forward.  He’s a player, and he’s going to get better and better, but he’s not a scorer.  Not unless he’s the number 1 and maybe even only when he’s the sole ruck.  That aint happening while his battery mate draws a breath.  Jackson makes this list not only for those reasons but also because last year he got his chance to be the Guy when Maxy went down.  He was going to be our saviour for the 8 weeks Max was out.  He racked up 125 or so in his first game doing it and those who had him rejoiced while those who didn’t looked to bring him in.  Then he got injured and killed us.  He is a big part of the Ruck-apocalypse and he has to be named for it.  LJ can play but he is a Dick of DT King.

21. Sean Darcy

Big Darce has teased us as much as anyone.  “Once he stays fit” was the cry.  He’s big, he’s good AND, he can score.  To me he’s a Top 3-5 ruck right now.  But that’s the real world and I’m here for Fantasy.  Last year Sean was fit.  He was reliable in terms of time in the team.  He even racked up some scores.  But he wasn’t consistent with them.  He’s a high end physical weapon and his scores come when that isn’t required and he frees himself up a bit.  This doesn’t happen as often as us Fantasy coaches would like.  My first and only Draft Fantasy comment will be that this is a guy you can take and know he’ll not let you down often at all.  But in Classic there are better options.  Jackson will help the Big Darce but he won’t help him score more.  He’ll help him stay fit and he’ll help him score more goals.  But it won’t be enough.  Sean Darcy is a Dick of DT King.

22. Mitch Duncan

Benjamin Button had to make the list eventually despite his previous great form for us over the years.  However, he is older than Roy’s best jokes and he is going to hurt us as he declines and gets more and more managed.  I couldn’t have more respect for the guy as a footballer and the sad fact is there are very few good to great Fantasy guys who don’t age in to the Dicks of DT list.  Mitch doesn’t limp in though, he roars in there for 2 reasons.  The first, handing so many coaches a single digit score last year because he got tackled from behind and took the rest of that game and then the next week off.  Not his fault, but its not my fault I’m ugly and Halle Berry won’t return my calls either so we both have to live with it.  The second is the talk I’m hearing and reading about him being enticing due to his DP status and likely as a Def.  I have no doubts Mitchy will score well and often in ‘23.  But he’ll miss games, he’ll get managed during games and he’ll cost you league games, he’ll cost you points when you need them and he may cost you a Hat.  The one caveat on Mitch is that the management of him could make him Fantasy relevant if you’re flying along well at the end of the year, have luxury trades in your pocket and he has a good match up for a week or so and you can sideways him from someone who has earned your scorn.  Other than that he is a massive trap this year and makes the Dicks of DT list as a Queen.

23. Gary Rohan

We’ve already established with “The Barometer” pick that some guys are here not for how they score, but for who they are.  I can’t think of a bloke who’s done less with more than Rohan.  He’s received the public backing of his coach, he keeps getting picked and he plays one good game every 9 weeks.  That’s maybe being kind.  Despite this he carries himself on and off field like he’s a rich man’s Dusty Martin.  Michael Jordan once said of someone “He’s got a 5c game and a billion dollar attitude”.  I can’t be sure but I reckon he’d just seen Rohan play.  I know no one picks him in their teams in any format but Gary Rohan is a Dick of DT Ace, all because he’s clearly a Dick.

24. Cam Guthrie

As opposed to the Rohan spot on the list, Cam Guthrie seems like a cracking dude.  I reckon I’d enjoy a drink with him, I think I’d be fine with him dating my daughter, I’d be delighted if he was in my real world team.  He’s also a proven scorer.  He’s done season’s of good work.  Multiples.  But he’s also now finding new roles in Scotty’s line-ups.  He’ll go mad for 120 one week, and then have 3 90’s in a row but be in their best players.  I don’t know what to expect any more and that lands you on the list when it’s as scary as Cam is to me.  He looks under-priced this year.  You’ll pull out a batch of his games from the last 2 seasons and convince yourself he’ll get back to it, he’ll top the 100 average again and he’ll be THAT guy for them and for you as a coach.  But he’s entered that dangerous zone, the “managed” zone.  Scott wants him fit and he wants him ready and he wants those things at the end of the year, not in every game of the year.  He’ll win you 2 games then cost you 4.  Cam gets a spot here in the Dicks of DT and he’s here as a Jack.

25. Patrick Dangerfield

There’s a couple of reasons Patty makes this list.  He’s killed so many teams over the last couple of seasons for those coaches who thought the DP would be a huge bonus for their Fantasy units.  Plenty saw the past history and thought even when he rests forward for long periods he’ll score enough to be good pick still.  And often he did.  The biggest problem with Danger is once you picked him, you had to think about trading him each and every week because he was OK, but he wasn’t quite worth the coin, but he also wasn’t your biggest problem.  So he stayed.  And then he stunk.  And then he got injured the week you had 3 other blokes go down and it hurt so bad because now you couldn’t trade him.  That’s a good enough reason to make the list.  He has so many coaches on his “I Killed You” list and yes, I am one.  I don’t think he’d be in many coaches thoughts for Classic any more, but if he is, please join my league.  Patty’s past makes him a Dick of DT King.

26. Matt Rowell

Man is THIS guy a conundrum.  He had Future Pig written all over him when he started.  3 games, 9 Brownlow votes, 300+ points.  He was going to make Micky Barlow look like a run of the mill rookie pick.  He was a keeper to end all keepers.  Then Joel Selwood ducked out of a tackle or landed on him or something I can’t really remember and Matty’s beefy shoulder went pop.  Gone for year 1.  His comeback was talked about loud and long for the whole pre-season.  Lock and load.  Set and forget.  Whatever axiom you wanted to align with the boy we were all here for it.  Then the Eagles do what they do, they ruin things.  They stuffed Matty’s knee.  Not completely, but enough.  We saw him again that year, but it wasn’t really him.  But that was OK, it was even predictable.  He’d done a knee, he was still young and his tank needed to get back to the levels he knew before.  No worries about that year, keep your average down Matty, see you in 2022.  Bang!  He was in plenty of teams was the Ginger Ninja.  He was under-priced, he was finally fit and he was ready to go.  Bang!  A big hundred in game 1 against one of the teams who tried to ruin him.  He slaughtered the Eagles even to the point that one of them tried to decapitate him with his arse.  Willie got off somehow and somehow, that was the last we saw of Matt as a decent scorer.  So what does 2023 hold for us?  For him?  Is he a pig?  Is he damaged goods?  Did the game go past him or did he lose too many steps?  Is he now just a dam good footballer but Fantasy irrelevant?  Honestly I don’t know for sure.  He’s on the list but not because he can’t ever be good as a scorer again, I just don’t think it’ll be soon.  Matty is a DT Dick, but he’s a Jack.oo

27. Chad Wingard

Now here’s another bloke who could make the list for who he appears to be as much as he makes the list for what he is as a scorer.  Still the only guy in AFL history to run in to an open goal and taunt oppo fans…when his team was down but 40pts.  That’s a dick move for sure.  He’s had plenty of them over the years but nonoe so dick-ish to be here for that alone.  The real reason he’s here is because he’s one of those guys I have never picked, and never been wrong for it, but he’s sucked SO many in.  And it’s happening again.  “The Hawks will need some experience in the middle, they can’t play all the kids so Chad’s CBA’s will go up, he’ll outscore his average by heaps”.  No he won’t.  He just won’t.  He’s a bottom lip dropper not a difference maker.  He’s not a guy who you chuck in the middle to turn the tide with his grit and his never say die attitude.  He’s a guy who will kill you when you’re already dead and die off quick when you’re going under the water.  He’s fooled so many and he’s looking like doing it again.  Chad is a Dick of DT Ace.

28. Marcus Windhager

Now here’s a pick that will take some explaining.  Saints fans are already boiling up with this one but hear me out.  This kid can play and I know he doesn’t score and no one will be picking him so therefore no one will have their teams ruined by picking him.  So how has he made the list then?  Trust me, there’s a reason he is on the Dicks of DT list.  For the past few years, even more than that maybe, we have lived without that thorn, the Spectre we all used to fear throughout every season.  We haven’t had to watch out for match-ups for our Guns because there hasn’t been… The Shutdown Tagger!  There hasn’t been a Crowley or a Ling lurking in the shadows ready to destroy your Gun in the very week you need him the most.  Jobs have been done here and there by the DeBoer’s, Ward’s, Newcombe’s or by other one-offs here and there but there hasn’t been a weapon of targeted destruction on our Premo’s who could ruin your week.  Well there seems to be one now.  This young bloke took down some big scalps last year and he did a massive job on them.  We now have someone to fear – maybe.  Will the new Ross keep using him as a tagger now Ross is back in the Box or will he now let the young fella loose to use the lessons he’s learned running with the Guns to make his own way?  Ross loved a tag so my bet is Windy gives us the shits for a while now.  So Saints fans rest easy, he’s not here because of his poor performances, it’s because of the damage he could well do to our Captains or other Premo mids just when we need them the most.  He’s a top player, but he’s going to kill us all at some point if he keeps tagging.  Hopefully Ross lets him loose, but until then he’s a Dick for our DT teams and he’s a Jack.

29. Christian Petracca

Melbourne fans will hate this but many others won’t.  Many non-Demon fans will remember how many times Trac killed us last year.  Sure his 40 against Freo was when he was crook but he had too many others too.  He’s so tantalising because he can smash out 140 for you.  And he can do it for weeks on end.  But then he’ll just disappear.  He’ll give you a few crap ones in a row for no apparent reason, then he’ll bob up with a 120 and then go away again for a couple of weeks.  This wasn’t just last year either.  If you grab him, you’ll cop it.  This opens up the argument about whether a guy who does this but can win you league games with his 140’s is worth it.  One day he may eliminate the down swings but until then he’s a high risk high investment for me and for that reason he sneaks in as a Dick of DT.  Trac is a Jack as a Dick of DT.

30. Jake Bowey

Redheads have it tough at times.  And frankly I think they deserve it 63% of the time.  But if you have a touch of the strawb in your locks and don’t like the wrap you get, then it’s Ginger’s like Jack you should be taking to task.  And its potential Ginger’s like Warnie who deserve as much blame for blowing the bags so hard on clearly dangerous goods.  I admit I did take pause to consider Bowey for last year.  There was a little something that made me think he may be worth it.  It didn’t last long but I get it.  He has some of the tools you need and he seemed to be in the coaches good books so games, and lots of them were likely.  And the games came, they came and they kept on coming.  The only problem with the games he played was he didn’t score in any of them.  Jack turned out to be crap and we all should have seen it.  He’s the classic false alarm.  He looks like he will score but just never does.  Forget him if you can, it will be worth the effort to resist.  He’s damaged too many teams last year not to be on the list so Jack makes the Dicks of DT list and he makes it as a Queen.

31. Jaidyn Stephenson

If its possible for a guy to be listed here and receive 100% support for his listing then I’d be betting Jaidyn would be that guy.  Man what a tease.  Here’s a guy who can pump out 150’s and has all the tools to be a very handy if not even a great Fantasy player.  All the tools that is except the big one in the head and the big one under the ribs.  Clarko’s appointment has many of us buzzing about the impact he could have on some of the younger North crew, and even some of the older ones.  Talk will land on Jaidyn soon enough but even if it doesn’t his tease versus his actual output lands him here and keeps him here.  Jaidyn is a Dick of DT Ace.

32. Hugh Greenwood

I might be the only guy who got caught up in the Hugh Greenwood potential and if I am then so be it.  But the fact he got me not just twice, but 3 times means he gets his place on this list.  He burned me as a Crow, then a Sun and then he got me AGAIN as Roo.  He’s fooled me 3 times now and I’m still trying to remember what that makes me if George W Bush is recounting the old saying.  Anyway, despite this guy not doing a lot for a long time now I heard him bought up in despatches on one of the pods dealing with this type of thing as a “rebound candidate”.  Well I’m not sure you can rebound if you never actually bounded in the first place but it’s a big no from me.  I can’t see why anyone would either.  They’ve drafted Wardlaw this year, LDU is playing to his draft spot now and they still have Simpkin and that’s without even including Phiilips and Powell who need to make an impact soon and will get their chances.  Greenwood was got by Noble and his wife in a cheeky move that exposed the Suns but he hasn’t panned out at all.  Hugh is a good soldier, But he’s in the Dick of DT for sure, and he’s a King based on the damage he’s done if only to me.

33. Todd Goldstein

Todd is another ex-gun who is still going strong-ish but he’s a mid-price trap.  X-erri hasn’t been able to shift the big man off his #1 perch yet and this year Comben and CCJ will likely get more of a crack too so they’re coming from inside for big Goldy.  The reason he’s here is because there is already a lot of concern about who we’re going to be able to give the ruck duties too in the Classic form of the game.  There’s plenty of candidates but there’s certainly no-one who’s grabbing the attention and locking himself in.  With that in mind, Big Goldy is sitting there like a big Blue and White rock of reliability that may, and in fact it seems actually is, tempting a few out there as a potential clever POD with his selection reliability.  The logic seems sound but reality will bite down hard on it very quickly.  Goldy is a Fantasy great and a future HOF-er for both the AFL and also for any version of the Fantasy game you can think of.  But he’s died in terms of current Fantasy relevance.  Goldy is a God but he’s no longer of any use and he’s made the Dick of DT as a Queen.

34. Tarryn Thomas

Tarryn found his way in to many teams last year, including mine.  He was a prime breakout candidate but he disappointed anyone who picked him.  Not only did he disappoint, but he went out in a way that was so very cruel.  He’d had a dodgy start to the year against the Hawks and had us owners wondering what we were in for but there was some promise sprinkled in there.  Then the next week he seemed to be having the game that was going to set him off.  He was killing it with 44pts before the half and all us TT backers were praising our genius.  Then the Eagles did what the Eagles do and they ruined everything.  TT was everywhere in that game and the North boys could sniff a win.  He was doing everything he could to make sure they held sway going in to the half, he got possies down back, he was looking dangerous up front and he was running everywhere in between.  He got so excited that he saw a lone Eagle out on the wing about to pump them forward and he decided to stop that dangerous foray in its tracks by diving down for the smother.  He missed the ball, smothered the leg and copped some nasty rib injuries that set him out for an extended period.  From that point forward TT did very little for the rest of the year, well other than reminding a Twitter dude he out-earned him.  Thomas is a juicy prospect in many ways as he has the skills and has shown he can score.  He’s a classic tease though and I think he’s here on the list as not only a warning to all who read this, but also to me.  TT makes the list and he’s a Dick of DT Queen.

35. Zak Butters

Oh boy hasn’t this Lad caused Fantasy owners some grief.  He’s been about to breakout for what feels like forever – but maybe it’s only a year.  It was a dead set certainty it was going to be last year, 100% dead set cert.  And then he didn’t.  And yet he hung around in our teams for soooooo long as we fixed other issues.  He stunk up whatever team he was in and he did it for almost a full year for most and stayed the full year for some.  He shows us a bit of leg and he entices us in the Fantasy Door of Butters, but then he bolts off and leaves us with nothing but a very nasty taste in our mouths.  He’s done now for me.  I’ll pick him once he’s an established Premo if he ever gets there.  If you trust him again, enjoy the ride.  Zac gets on the Dick of Dt list as a King.

36. Karl Amon

Some guys make the list when its not necessarily their fault, or not completely anyway.  Karl’s here and deserves to be but some of the DT Dickness has to land at the feet of his old coach Kenny.  Some also has to now land at the feet of the guy that convinced Karl to come to the Hawks too.  Amon is a proven Fantasy scorer although not a Premo and has been a decent POD for those who have grabbed him in recent seasons.  He’s on the outside mid side of things so needs someone around to give him the pill but he’s damaging when he has it and can kick a decent sausage too.  His problem last year was that Kenny kept on dropping him, and then sometimes bringing him in late, and then dropping him again.  He’d give a coach a decent 95-110 but then Kenny would give him the flick!  Its no wonder he took his talents to Hawthorn.  He was going to be a decent option there too.  He’d be a main outside option as they bought the kids along and he’d have Mitchell and JOM getting him enough ball to make him at the very least a decent watch.  But then the Hawks and Sammy M decided to flick the known ball winners and instead rely on the kids to get it out to Karl and that’s just not going to cut it.  I wonder hard if Karl regrets the Hawk pick now as he’s going nowhere next year.  His stats will entice some and his role will be set in stone, but I can’t see him scoring anywhere near enough to make him a decent pick.  New coach be dammed, Karl’s not doing a dam thing for us.  It may not be his fault but he’s still landed here as a Dick of DT and he’s a Queen.

37. Brynn Teakle

Unfair?  Dam right.  I apologise to you Brynn but hear me out.  The poor kid has played almost nothing and was an MSD pickup only last year so how in the hell has he landed here?  Well again, sometimes when you get the DT Dick callup, its not entirely your fault.  Brynn lands on the list because he was a very popular pivot last year during the ruck apocalypse when first Lycett and then Sammy Hayes went down…not long after everyone else had gone down too.  Brynn was going to play and he was going to be handy.  He had security for a few weeks at least and he was so well priced it was a no brainer.  His start was awesome too, he had a very nice 27 points and we were still a long way away from the halftime siren.  Things were looking good!  A few weeks of this gear and we’d have bags of cash from the big Perth Lad.  But you never count your money while you’re staring at your projections because the Devil came calling for Brynn and he came hard.  The poor bloke got snapped in half and that was it, all that money was gone.  Sometimes life isn’t fair and thankfully for Brynn, he’s going to be fine and I’m sure will play plenty of AFL games to set the record straight.  But the damage was done in the 34% of game time he spent playing the Swans.  He makes the Dicks of DT list as a Jack.

38. Jayden Short

In all honesty, Shorty could well be replaced on this list with either Damien Hardwick for playing him as a mid or for the Data boys who couldn’t look past the %’s and realise Shorty’s mid-only days should just be forgotten and deleted.  He’s here because as a mid he scores like a defender and as a defender he scores like a Premo.  But now he’s apparently mid-only for the start of 2023 and so he’s dead to us.  Until he gets the DP back he’s just a Fantasy career being ruined by a selfish coach looking to win games of footy.  Hardwick doesn’t care about us.  Plenty will plonk him in their teams though of this I am certain and that is what finally earns him a spot.  It’s a shame but JS is a Dick of DT and he’s a Queen.

39. Hugo Ralphsmith

Hugo oh Hugo, where for art thou Hugo?  So much yakkity yak about this dude and he was the invisible man when the gates opened to season 22.  This little bloke was going to be the low priced DP that was going to give coaches who picked him flexibility, he was going to give scoring and he was going to earn coaches some bulk cash.  Like so many others here he gave none of these things and instead gave any coach who called his name early on an ongoing and annoying headache.  I was SO close to being one of those guys but avoided the drama thankfully.  Look out for whoever is this years Hugo as I’m sure if this list gets done again next pre-season he won’t be here and someone just like him will be.  Hugo earns his Dick of DT place for last years trouble he caused and he’s a Jack.

40. Jack Billings

Jack may well be best known for the guy who could have been Bont.  He’s the Saints Aaron Fiora and as frustrating as he’s been for them, he’s killed a lot of Fantasy teams as well.  Less so in recent times, I will certainly admit that.  But the damage he’s done when he did it will ring long and loud in the Halls of History I am sure.  Not only is he not Bont, but he’s not even Jade Gresham and Jade almost made it on the list.  Jacky is always a potential surprise as he has been a proven scorer.  The poor bloke has had more coaches than any kid should have and maybe someone will unlock him eventually.  Until that happens though, damage done is a Dick job well earned.  Jack is a Dick of DT King.

41. Brad Hill

Fantasy relevant again huh?  He’s back with the coach he had his best year with (in Fantasy) so he’s back in the good books.  You’re just going to let him get away with the last few years are you?  You’re going to forget even just last year huh and let him swan back in to your life and ruin your year?  Hilly is an absolute ball breaker and team killer.  I am sure he’ll run out a string of games that get people on board.  He’ll have the Fwd/Def or some other DP combo that makes you think he’s worth a try.  But he is now what he has been recently.  Ross won’t make an immediate difference that will rocket Brad up the rankings.  He’ll have those games that make you a believer and then he’ll take out your heart with a string of 50’s that kill you and everyone you care about.  I trust Hilly to score evenly and well throughout a full season as much as I trust Calvin to pronounce Matteus Phillipou all season without 1 stuff-up.  Hilly is an easy entrant on the Dicks of DT list and he’s a solid King because of the danger he provides.

42. Jack Ziebell

Here’s another that makes it for past indiscretions as opposed to likely problems for us next year.  Jack has had multiple lives in the Fantasy world.  First as a must have rookie, didn’t work out great.  Later as a break out mid, didn’t work out any better really.  Then as a DP steal up front, went OK.  Then as a surprise packet DP killer when he played down back.  That went fine, for half a season.  The second half of that season he didn’t exactly go missing but he certainly wasn’t dancing on the tables of success and high scores either.  And YES, the half he was awesome I spent working towards getting him in and then once I had him it was the second half so I am listing him here out of spite as much as anything else.  He hurt me and hurt people hurt people.  Jack is a DT Dick Jack.

43. Isaac Heeney

I know this one will get some bloods boiling as some others will have but some of this list is playing catch-up as much as it is living in the current time.  And lets face it, if you haven’t been disappointed by having Isaac in your team over the last few seasons then you haven’t been playing, or at least not playing it properly anyway.  “Heeney the Mid” teased us for what seemed like forever.  The DP status was always great but we all wanted to have him in THAT year.  THAT year was the one where he became a fulltime Swan mid and was racking up premo mid numbers.  Well THAT year never came.  Instead he crept up each year but never broke out.  Heeney is another creeping Dick.  He’s become handy as hell, even a guy that’s dangerous not to have.  But getting there he has left a body count too large to ignore.  He’s not a DT Dick in that you shouldn’t pick him this year, but he is still on the list for multiple past let downs.  Heeney makes it here for past transgressions and not living up to expectations quickly enough so he’s a Dick of DT Queen.

44. Peter Ladhams

Petey made the news a few times last year.  For quite a while he was doing a nice job for those who had him.  He was punching out scores and bringing in the cash.  Then the big log went a bit mental.  And he did it at a really shitty time.  In the Port game where we lost Brynn, Ladhams went a bit Dick on the Fantasy world.  Not only did he spank his owners with a poor 50 from 76% game time but he also had a self-confessed “braid fade” that cost him a week.  A week many of his owners needed him to be on the park in the worst way as the Ruck-apocalypse was in full swing.  That wasn’t good enough for Petey though.  He went a bit further even.  Now I was bemused and kind of upset when Shane Woewodin won a Brownlow.  This is meant to be the pinnacle of the sport and instead we’re handing out to a bloke who, at his best, would not have been picked in any of the first 5 All Australian teams of that year?  That’s where we were with it now?  Handing Woey the Chaz?  Please!  Now yes, that was terrible, but as bad as it was, there is no need to smash Shane’s son when he’s standing almost next to the bar in a VFL match and push him halfway through a fence an hour after the ball had left the area.  The bloke is half your height and weight Pete, show some stones my man.  Very poor effort.  For all of that you make the list of the Dicks of DT and you’re there as a King.

45. Nick Blakey

I can’t remember a bloke who looks like he has absolutely no idea how to play footy but is actually not that bad at footy.  Has anyone looked as much out of place on an AFL ground other than Angry Anderson?  Don’t say Meatloaf either, his meltdown was on a stage in the stands.  Blakely motors around the joint like a deranged squirrel who’s had 6 double shot espressos.  Not only that there’s the mullet, that completely horrible lip scarf and a neck and shoulder arrangement that just defies description.  I said many years ago that Heath Shaw was as dumb as a bucket of spanners.  Well Nicko plays as though he’s as dumb as a bucket of Heath Shaw’s.  But he’s not that bad, he’s actually intermittently handy.  But handy doesn’t cut it and when you have a head that just screams for a slap no matter what it’s doing and you’ve been mentioned in despatches as a sleeper Fantasy guy, then here you are.  The Lizard is a Dick of DT and he’s a Jack.

46. Justin McInerney

Well how many teams did THIS guy kill last year?  1000, 5000, 10000?  I wouldn’t be surprised by any number.  Massive breakout predicted, massive disappointment resulted.  What a complete and utter shemozzle J-Mac became.  There a examples littered throughout the history of the Fantasy world of guys who got the role we all hoped but then somehow managed to get worse on the stats page than when they had a lessor role.  It’s a mystery that some guys can get closer to the ball for longer and manage to avoid it more.  J-Mac won’t be the last but he’s the most recent big example of the dangers of going to someone based on 1 element alone.  Role, CBA’s, new team, new coach etc.  They are all valid reasons to grab someone or ditch them, but they all can act like snipers lying in the long grass just waiting to put you down.  J-Mac is definitely a Dick of DT and he makes the list as a King.

47. Elliot Yeo

There are already a number of guys on this list who I have picked based on the feedback, research, rumour or whatever you want to call it and I’ve thought “yep, that sounds right, I’m pulling that trigger too”.  Then there’s a number of guys on this list who I have seen picked up by the throng and thought “what the actual hell are you blokes thinking?”.  Fatty Yeo holds the flag for this group of guys.  I could not see for the life of me why he would be a decent pick last year.  There was nothing about the guy that said he was going to be good and he was going to be good for a decent stretch of games.  Swing in to 2023 Fantasy considerations and I have already heard his name come up as a watch and see in multiple pods or articles.  Really?  Elliot “where’s the donut” Yeo?  OK yes, the poor dude has been hammered with leg injuries over the last 2 seasons but that’s not an excuse to grab him now, it’s a reason to redline the boy forever.  He got injured toward the back end of pre-season last year and he still looked like he could be in the white apron on the Traders Podcast artwork.  Hell he looked like he could be in my family photo – and be the one that we all made “good paddock” jokes about.  He needs 2 pre-seasons before he’s good to go and I’m not sure he ever gets them.  Yes he’s priced around where Darren Glass would be if he still played but there’s a reason for it and his conditioning means he’ll creep back up, not bust through his price.  Elliot is a Dick of DT and he’s a King.

48. Nic Naitanui

Speaking of out of condition.  Holy hat this bloke is miles away from what he needs to get too.  Once again leg injuries have hammered big Nic and once again, that’s not a reason to look at his price and lick your lips.  That’s good reason to avoid him at all costs.  Nic Nat has better excuses for putting on the kegs than Elliot had.  Nic’s a big fella and he’s had bad knees for a while so putting in the weight dropping K’s is not an option.  But also because of those knees he now plays like there’s a Krispy Crème and a Pizza Hut van set up in the centre circle and he is worried they’ll leave if he strays more than 25m from them.  He goes from one end of the square to the other and that’s pretty much it.  Not only that, but Nic’s never been a marking option.  At his best he averaged less than 2 a game – dwell on that for a sec LESS than 2!  Sure the ones he took were belters and MOTY candidates but theyre still only worth 3 points and he took very few even when fit.  His stats came from hitouts and tackles, neither of which he can do as much anymore.  Yes he’s well priced but again, there’s a reason why some horses are 100-1 and it’s not because they have a chance of winning, its so the bookies can get some mug to give them some coin.  Don’t be that mug.  Nic Nat is a Dick of Dt and he’s a Queen.

49. Tim Kelly

Tim Kelly has been the poster boy and scapegoat for the Eagles quick and deep decline.  He’s copped so much crap after leaving the Cats.  I’m not going to pile on about the trade or his importance to the team or otherwise, but I also can’t leave the guy off the list.  This is a guy who got tagged out of a game, a big game, by Bailey freaking Banfield.  Not the Ross Lyon version of Banfield who was doing the job on the semi-regular and rose to fame by keeping Merrett very quiet in an early season game way back when.  But it was the current Bailey Banfield who is one of the luckiest guys in the league to be in the league.  TK has also been eliminated by other taggers.  Not just subdued but downright erased.  Recently Luke Jackson earned the unicorn moniker for his uniqueness.  When I was growing up the Unicorn myth included the fact that if you looked at them, they disappeared.  By that logic, Tim Kelly is a true unicorn.  Pay the guy any attention at all, and phoof…he’s gone.  No doubter for the Dicks of DT list and he’s a King.

50. Luke Shuey

This may be news to the rest of Australia but according to some WA media and enough WA fans that I talk too from there, the Eagles are rebounding hard next year, as in potential finalists hard.  The logic in this illusion is that last year was an aberration, it was Covid, it was injury, it was poor prep and it was the AFL House 2022 fixturing that ruined them.  The rebound will come because of their draw, their reshaped gameplan and their experienced stars who will be on the park next year and who couldn’t fire a shot last year.  Sure the media I’m talking about is Peter Sumich and Kim Hagdorn so it’s not you’re A-Level media IQ’s but they are in the media so it counts.  No Josh Kennedy?  No worries mate, Oscar Allen – BANG.  Poor midfield?  No worries mate, Luke Shuey fit, Nic Nat fitter – BANG!  Let’s be honest, there is a chance this is true, but it aint a big one and there is zero chance at all Luke Shuey is going the be the driving force behind it.  There was a season where Shuey sniffed around the bottom edges of being an A-grader but it wasn’t for long and now it’s gone.  The poor guy has paper hamstrings attached to glass calves and when he was very good, it was his legs that did the damage.  Outside WA I can’t see many taking him seriously but I’ve heard enough from the WC Eagles mob to put him on the list.  Luke is a Dick of DT and he’s a Jack.

51. Jaeger O’Meara

Here is another to have escaped Stalag 13 and Captain Mitchell and is supposedly going to get a much better run at it this year and play in his proper position.  CBA’s ahoy!!!  Well lets not suck each other’s popsicles just yet.  JOM had a pretty decent run at the CBA stuff last year.  He wasn’t stuck permanently on the flank, he got his share.  But lets assume he does get more this year, do you really think its going to shoot up by a lot?  Brayshaw, Serong & Brodie seemed to do all right last year and they’re all on the ascent, not being phased out.  Old gun David Mundy has gone and he was in the guts a lot so JOM will grab some of those for sure.  But there’s also a dude called Nat Fyfe who is coming back so he’ll also grab some of Mundy’s.  So even an increase, if it does happen, will be a tempered one.  JOM is a very good player, apparently a great bloke and better leader, but even his best stuff wasn’t killer Fantasy stuff and that was when he had less around him than he does now.  He’s going to break hearts of WA women, snap lolly gagging midfielders and defenders in half with his huge pipes and he’s going to be a good get for Freo.  But he just won’t move the needle much for you in Fantasy.  JOM makes the Dicks of DT list and he’s here as a Queen.

52. Jack Macrae

Now I will accept this is a big call.  But I will also counter that whilst I agree he is still a good pick for Classic in your team, he is also the only guy I can think of who is Fantasy relevant now, Fantasy relevant in the past, Fantasy relevant in the future and yet…still a Dick of DT.  My reasoning is this.  Firstly, there’s not one person reading this who hasn’t had Jack Macrae in their team and called him names much worse than a Dick of DT.  He’s got the growing habit of having 55 at quarter time and then ending up on 105 (or less) and its getting more common.  He can also be on 36 at the half and end up on 116.  This is getting less common.  He also has visible, measurable and insufferable periods where, as had been pointed out by The Traders Silver Medal podcast team, where he sooks harder than a 3yr old missing out on a ride at the Show.  Shoulders drop, feet splay out, lip wobbles and we’ve lost him for a quarter.  It’s not always his fault, I know this.  Bevo will Bevo and Jacky is often the victim but it doesn’t change anything about what I have said here.  Now there’s a few outs this year at the Doggies which may well help the lip stay firm and keep Jack in the guts.  Dunkley has finally escaped and Hunter has gone too.  But he will give you this shits, you know this and even if you don’t, I promise you he will (and I promise me too coz I’ll likely pick him).  Jack is the only Dick of DT who should also be in the Deck of DT, but here he stays and he is, of course, a Jack.

Bonus Dick

53. Jack Steele

Still reading?  Yes?  I’m flattered.  Jack’s got no place on this list, none at all but I just wanted to see if you’re still here.  Jack Steele is a Fantasy Feenom not a Dick of DT.




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