If you’re a fan of animal cruelty, torture, BDSM or just generally enjoy seeing other people in pain, you’re in for a treat! I’d rather not talk about what I went through this weekend, but enough about me. If you’re here for some venting, you’ve come to the right place… It’s time for the weekend wash-up!

Legends

Enright (150) – Not really relevant, but it’s great to see someone standing up for the old school DTers! Great memories…

Blicavs (111) – I know right… Blicavs has gone from a steeplechaser who was playing AFL for some unknown reason to a number 1 ruckman in the making. In 6 months! He looks the real deal, but the ship has left the harbour. Great for the draft leagues though.

Pendlebury (121) – No matter what happens, you can always rely on Pendles. He literally never lets us down! The way things have gone so far this season, he is turning out to be the real legend.

Armitage (144) – HOLY COW. He was everywhere, and I literally mean every time you looked up Armitage was involved in the play. He racked up 45 disposals and now averages 35 touches per game this season. Ridiculous numbers… I reckon there’s still time to hop on board, he’s the real deal! I’d happily pay 610k for him if I didn’t have 29 other issues to deal with.

Steven (142) – I was hunting in the 500k market during the pre-season, and Steven looks to have been the pick of the bunch! Not only is he now almost 600k, he is the third highest averaging player this year. I’m not sure his average is sustainable (115.83), so I wouldn’t touch him now. Having said that, St Kilda continue to prove us wrong. Perhaps he could push the top 8 mids? Let’s just hope the tags stay away…

Smith (123) – I kept referring to Isaac Smith as one for the draft leagues… I have been just as blind as 98.06% of the competition! Imagine having a POD pumping out 118, 151, 125 and 123 and not even cracking a mention until now! Beware that he plays at the MCG this week, where he scored just 83 and 74 in Rounds 1 and 2. Surely he will attract a tag this week. What an awesome pick, but it’s too late now. I can’t see him sustaining this form.

Kelly (104) – I remember back to a time when I passed on Kelly to wait for a rookie I thought would be more sustainable. Joshua Glenn was that man… More on him later. If you had Kade Simpson (Like me) even though you are almost certainly poorly ranked, Kelly’s score off the bench would have been gold! One hit wonder in my opinion.

Kennedy (136) – JPK can’t seem to break into the uber premium bracket, so this score would’ve provided major relief for his owners. I still reckon this only buys him time. Not a Dream Teamer, but a legend this week!

Parker (120) – He doesn’t deserve the legend tag after what he has dished up so far this season, however it’s important to give him a mention. He has now bottomed out in price, and even if he won’t be a top 8 mid this season he’s still certainly worth chasing for value in Fantasy! Ripe for the picking.

Neale (131) – Here’s a fun fact. Jordan lewis aside, Neale has 3 of my top 5 scores this season. That’s amongst 10 premiums and another 5 or 6 mid pricers. Sure he has scored 36 and 59, but where’s the fun in a bloke pumping out 90’s every week?! It’s a roller coaster ride that’s for sure, but I’m more than happy to be on board. Legend!

Goddard (119) – There are 3 kinds of people in this world. People who have brains and held Gray. People who traded Gray to Goddard and have still had a decent result. Then there’s me, who traded in Buddy Franklin who now can’t kick a goal against Melbourne. BJ has been awesome.

Mundy (114) – Mundy did exactly what you would expect him to do… I honestly can’t believe he got defender status though. I am not biased towards Fantasy, so I will gladly say that this must be one of the worst decisions ever in the history of DT. Honestly, if we were to be consistent you’d have to make every roaming midfielder DPP.  Dangerfield forward? Rockliff back pocket? Swan DEF/MID/FWD? Fyfe ruck? Unbelievable. It ruins the game a bit, I was looking forward to scrounging for the top 6 defenders, it was going to be fascinating to see who everyone had in their final backlines. Imagine the uniques! I hate it, but it’s done now. Regretfully we must move on!

Pearce (106) – Well… Clancee Pearce tonned up again. Salt is just being rubbed into the wounds so I’m going to move on.

Gray (134) – Now here’s a legend! He is just awesome, there’s not much else to say. If you don’t have him, why not and how are you getting him in this week!

Losers

Higgins (62) – This is going to be fun. The first of my squad to make it in is Higgins. Nobody should have Higgins. Why do I have Higgins?! Let’s forget this ever happened shall we.

Adams (55) – One stroke of luck! Another of my pre-season midprice selections stunk it up this week, only I managed to rid myself of this score by getting in the Bont (Who has still been outscored by Adams over that period). I think he’ll be back. Maybe.

Hunt (34) – HOLD THE PHONE. Never have I owned such a shocking player, ever. The best part? Prepare to have a good laugh because this gets me every time. Remember Heritier Lumumba? The bloke I promised to never mention again and even referred to as the fantasy devil? Yeah him. I traded him out for Hunt, and guess what… As sh*t as Harry Heritier has been, since then he has scored 86 more points than Hunty. Or as I like to call him, Hunt the… I’ll let you fill in the blank.

Mcintosh (43) – I’ll ease up here. Kmac has been awesome this season, but it’s probably time to shift him on. Or so you’d think. I’ll take an average of 74 at this stage for a defender, that’s almost premium worthy.

Whitecross (21) – *Buzzer*. It’s a no from me today Brendan. Perhaps work on your relationship with your coach and the Players association to get that vest removed. Nobody can take a guy seriously wearing a vest.

Smith (51) – Brodie Smith’s move up onto a wing has been pretty much pointless fantasy wise. One week he’s unstoppable, the next he stops himself. I’m not sure if he got tagged on the weekend, either way owning him is still a headache. Then again, 51 from a defender… Could be worse.

Sloane (67) – Normally I’d feel bad seeing what should have been a brilliant coaching move to get him in become an unmitigated disaster. Not this season. His luck has been shocking and I still think he can be a top 10 mid post byes. Don’t write him off, hopefully he is ok to play next week.

Glenn (28) – This sickens me. The lengths I went to go through to get Glenn in this week are boarderline suicidal. I passed on Pendlebury and Armitage to hold Lewis and go for some cash with a long term view. What I got is yet another complete spud to deal with and another 100 points down the shitter. I’d say to the bench you go, but there sits Ellis Yolmen and Lewis. I refuse to trade my best players and give second chances to those who don’t deserve it. It all about sending a message, only its not getting through. Let’s hug Mick.

Heeney (24) – At this rate he might become relevant in Fantasy as an F8. He will miss at least a month so forget him for the meantime. I hope you didn’t jump on the early rising star hype!

Bellchambers (59) – Bellchambers. Belly. Bell-end! Thank god I stuck strong with Stefan Martin, because I can’t bear to watch Bellchambers run around for 120 minutes. It only makes watching Essendon worse, and that’s not an easy achievement!

Leuenberger (33) – So much for the ‘lock and load’ ruck combo. Thank god we’re back to respecting premium ruckman! Nobody has him, right?

Rich (44) – Hear that? That is the sound of the karma bus crushing every lucky soul to own Rich prior to round 5. They’ll get their time in the sun sadly, however his short term money making potential has taken a huge hit. Regardless, he could probably be a top 6 defender at this rate. Hold strong!

Nelson (0) – Finally, a quick shout out to Nelson who managed to finish the game with a blank stat line. That’s hard to do, impressive stuff really.

The Mark Stevens

There’s no debating it, the cliche terms in AFL must be up there with the worst in sport. Are we just dumb? “It is what it is.” Honestly? I thought it was something else. Does anyone have an explanation for what that actually means? We are who we are. They played how they played. Carlton is Carlton. A description or explanation of why it is what it is wouldn’t go far astray. How do Journalists let coaches and players get away with it? I suppose it will be what it will be. Thank god the Bounce have addressed the overuse of “I tell you what.” Perhaps just try telling us. This weekend I heard a new one. “We’ve gotta deal with what we’ve gotta deal with.” OH REALLY? Sh*t, you don’t say… Oh well, I guess it is what it is.

Here are this weeks stubby nominations, get voting!

Armitage – He entered beast mode on Saturday, and had many new owners thanks to Lewis’ in discretion. Surely a winner!

Neale – I needed someone to vote for and Neale is my single shining light. I’m sure a few others feel the same!

Gray – Those who held the faith can reward him with their vote, great hold.

Steven – If you started with Steven, this is a no brainer. He has been huge!

Smith – I’m guessing if you own Isaac in any form of fantasy, you’re winning. If you traded him, bad luck!

This Game Sh*ts Me

Honestly guys my team is a laughing stock. It may even be beyond the point of jokes now. There’s one reason for this, and that is bloody midpricers! Let me tell you this right now… NEVER AGAIN.  Not unless they have a negative break even or are owned by 40% of the competition will I ever put faith in any strategy aside from guns and rooks. On this point, I don’t think it’s a fluke how my scores have deteriorated since Dream Team became Fantasy. I finished in the top 1000 for 4 consecutive years. Ever since 2 trades a week has been introduced, this “easy game” has screwed me. Not because of poor trades, but because of poor starting teams leaving me with 99 problems but luxury trades aren’t one. It’s too easy to put faith in midpricers you would never consider with limited trades. Sure, Neale has been a success. He still put me through scores of 36 and 59. I held off Bontempelli until he proved himself beyond reasonable doubt. The rest? Newnes (avg 75, dropped by 7), Higgins 74 (dropped by 2) and they are on the good end of the scale! Lumumba… I honestly didn’t think it could get any worse than that selection, step up Taylor Hunt. Kolodjashnij averaged 53.8 for me, I might as well have picked Nathan Brown. Don’t take that lightly either, 270k saved for around 40 less points! That 270k could have saved me from picking Bellchambers. Last and probably least, Andrew Swallow. People will laugh but on the face of it, it looked a relatively safe selection. His 2014 average of 90 (94 vest unaffected) was his worst since 2008 (When he played 3 games). Considering he had missed almost a full pre-season in 2014, it was safe to assume his previous averages of 95, 99, 99 and 103 were safer bets. What has he dished up so far? 80! Eighty! In his previous 50 AFL games, he had dropped under 70 just 3 times when not sub. He has now done it 2 times in 6 games for me, plus a red vest!

In summary, this game sh*ts me.

The Other Bits and Pieces

*Why do bad things happen to good people*

Yep, I don’t really need to add much to the picture above. Fun stat, I had 4 players crack the ton this week. In comparison 10 players, yes HALF MY SQUAD didn’t reach 70 (Including a 34 and 28). I’m going with a long term strategy now. Considering I was in the top 1000 and was 3-0 in most of my leagues, I’m happy to tank a few games. Holding Lewis and focusing on increasing team value was the first step. Getting rid of Hunt was the second. I am set up well for the byes and my rookies should make some strong income, so hopefully nothing as poor as this occurs during finals… if I can get there. I will be back! If you’re in a position like me, consider doing the same. If it will help you in the long run, don’t be afraid to put yourself in a position where you may drop a couple of games. Just be there when it matters! Rant over. Have a great week!

p.s Thank god for my Eagles!