Lessons of a first year (or is that second) DTer

Playing DT is possibly not the best move for those who suffer from compulsive disorders, such as myself, but I did it anyway. To be totally honest, this is actually the second year that I have had a team, but my 2010 team was a randomly selected team of Swans with a few other players I respected or enjoyed watching. I neither understood or cared about the trading system and sat lazily watching my team limp into the low thousand type scores week after week courtesy of multiple players not playing most weeks. I put in as much effort to season 2010 as Chad Cornes, and you get what you give.

I suppose that this is why I was not really taken in by the whole dt thing during that season, but, by virtue of working in a pub with lots of screens, and lots of people talking about their dream teams, I did become curious as to why they were all so into it.

Now I know.

Along comes season 2011 and I thought I should have a crack and put a little effort into it this year. Little was I to know what this ‘little effort’ would become

My name is zappabanjo and I am an addict. Apparently the first step is to admit it. I still do not believe I have a problem with it, but I am sure my wife will tell a different story. More of that later.

So I thought about what I should do to at least be competitive in my league. No delusions of grandeur at this stage, so rule one became; attempt to select players that will get a game, preferably more often than not. So zappabanjo was created and after I had selected the first fifteen or so players, “sorry you cannot afford that player”, forced a rethink of my initial tactics.

So I started looking at the cheap players, now known to me as rooks or cash cows. David Swallow, heard of him, tick. Daniel Harris, ditto. Ummmm…….ummmmm, shit.

Who are all these pricks. Being a one eyed Swan the only young blokes I knew were ours, and I had learned just enough from season 2010 to know that not one of them was ever to warm warm the pine, or garner a zero for my squad this year, thanks Rohan and jetta, love ya to death, but no thanks.

It was obvious that I was going to need a look at some of these young blokes in the NAB Cup.

Delete team.

I live in Adelaide, which is great for news on Crows and Power players, but rather bereft of anything going on outside the border, so I decide to head to the AFL website for some information. The only website in the world that loads slower than Latvian porn, with more advertising as the kicker. Note to afl; use some of that money to fix your website as I can unload, and wipe my derrière in the time it takes your site just to load: and if my booze riddled brain can remember my username and password, why can your site not.

So to Dr Dream Team I head. I now know better. His advice of a few guns, a few mid price players with a few rookies appeared to have merit. So after many, many hours of research I settled on a very ordinary looking team.

Then a mate told me about Fantasy Freako, and sent me the link. Hallelujah, praise the lord. This is what I am talkin’ about. At this stage I should have started over again, but fatigue had set in, so I went about fixing what I had as best I could. I then looked over the draw for the season and saw that I could not field a team on a few of the multiple bye rounds. So after a little more juggling, I finally had a team that I was happy with. Oh boy, was that feeling about to be replaced.

Round one, 1899. Wow, I had never seen a score like that next to my team name, so I called my mate that put me onto Freako and thanked him. We got to talking and he told me about a couple of sites called fanfooty and dttalk. And this, my fellow junkies, is why my wife now hates me. “are you on that f—–g iPad with your f—–g football again!”.

“I can look up porn if you prefer!”. “anything but f——g football, I am sick of it”.

As it turns out, I was not supposed to take THAT advice literally. Oopsy daisy. Shop closed for a while.

So I would like to thank all you DT Talkers for your advice and musings over the season helping me to a somewhat successful 3rd place in my league: a 20th & 21st round placings: and a thoroughly enjoyable first (serious) season of dream team. Special thanks to Albert for most of my audible “ba ha” moments; as I am over 40 I am too old to qualify for a lol.

Which brings me neatly to the purpose of this article. Lessons I have learned and would like to pass on to first time players.

  • Do not take any notice of Dr Dream Team.
  • Guns and rookies is the way to go, good luck with picking the correct ones.
  • Melbourne Football Club has no guns, do not confuse them with Melbourne coppers, who have too many guns and are not, I repeat, not, afraid to use them.
  • Do not start the year with Adam Goodes in your side, he will get cheaper.
  • Port Adelaide is where dolphins reside, not dt worthy players.
  • School children should seek out the oldest teacher they can find and ask them the difference between, there, their and they’re.
  • You need at least four trades come finals, preferably six.
  • You do not get extra trades when the finals commence for having a small brain and poor grammar.
  • Your partner is being sarcastic when offering a preference to you looking at porn instead of football, and take it from me, you will go a while without!
  • Steer clear of girls like Kim, no one I know has lost their job for doing the job ‘Hans Solo’. Remember it is your willy and you can wash it as fast as you want.
  • Please stop taking yourselves so seriously and lighten up.

Cheers and bring on season 2012.


  • love the second last dot point haha

  • I’m in the same boat as you in experience as this is my 2nd year but my first was a joke. I love all your points (except the mid pricer one) sadly I’ve already worked them out the hard way.

  • Great article and great points.
    One bit of advice that I need someone to hammer into my head somehow is don’t sideways trade. Next year I’m going to have a big sign above the computer saying exactly that.
    It doesn’t seem to matter how good the sideways trade appears to be, it (virtually) never pays off. (It’s the virtually bit that gets me, I always think “I’ve got it right this time”…. but no.)

    • Maybe, ive had bartel and monty all year just leaking cash and points most weeks.

      I think the Montagna to Mitchell trade eventuated as a good call in the end.

  • Haha, I totally relate. I’m a swans supporter too and had little idea about rooks.

    This is my second year, finished in the 3000s last year, did it without any dttalk, freako, or dtstats help, only afl.com and dr dream team ROFL, oh and stanga? v mayor. I googled dream team at the start of the year, best moove ever! I had never heard of people named Barlow or Podsiadly last year, i took notice once the season started though: how the heck are these guys killing it, who are they? Much like Astbury this year in the preseason, dont get me started on that one! Although Suckling paid off.

    This year totally different: Freako, TooSerious.com, DTTalk and DTSTATS is now bread and butter. This website is awesome for nutters like me.

    My wife is always saying are you talking to those strangers again. She cracks it with me every week and even now as I type. lol.

    Im in the 400s now. With watching the stats come in live on DTSTATS to nearly all games this year I will definately be avoiding 4th quarter specialists. Next year I’m gunning for top 100 hopefully.

    Things I have learned some magpie supporters are both literate and articulate, some military type ranked players are piss funny, Dr Phil is fkn in!, it is possible to ask for the par score for the round 5 seconds into the first match and four premo ruckmen teams are epic, oh and I am a total DT addict.

  • What I have learnt this year:
    – G’ n R’ easily best way to go
    – No mid pricers unless they are guns that were injured the previous year
    – Don’t go unique, for example; A. Swallow, A. Everitt, D. Connors
    – Get the best you can possibly get, don’t be a stinge.

  • I don’t know what this guy is on about to be honest. I managed to successfully use all of my trades before the finals and I logged in this morning and I have another 4 trades to use which will come in handy.

    With these 4 trades I will go petrie to best available ruck. Next week selwood out (johsnon on the pine) to the best available midfielder (maybe ablett?). Then probably use my 3rd extra trade on gibbs or maybe even hold so I have 2 trades for the GF. I wonder how the others are going to use the extra trades. I’d start by trading out kangas players obviously.

    • wow I almost logged in to check my trades then read it was you 44Chappo

    • Mate, I think you must be the only one, we’ve not gotten anymore. Are you in the school comp?

      Great article, as a 1st year serious DT’er the two most important things to remember are no matter how good drunk logic is on a Sunday night after a disappointing score a) never trade drunk & b) never trade before Friday night. Ever. Ever Ever.

      • Who cares. The 4 extra trades are more forgiving for the drunk traders and the people who trade before friday. Simple solution, use these extra 4 trades more wisely for maximum results.

  • free advice time

    if there is a gun rookie you missed don’t be stubborn, trade them in. It is cash that gets your team upgraded faster than everyone else that really makes a difference. I didn’t get Curnow because Hibberd was “almost going to be picked and DPP etc”, gee I am a dumbass.

    Pick 15 KEEPERS and KEEP them, unless injuries, you need trades for doing the above (and below lol).

    Don’t eat donuts

    Don’t pick Higgins

  • love this site.
    this is my first year at dream team and second year of footy tipping in general.
    im sitting 1255 in australia at the moment in DT.
    and ive already made a few hundred bucks footy tipping.
    this site rocks for working out the ins and outs of a footy game, and who the real performers are.

    cheers guys thanks for the hard work

  • Looking forward to next year there are going to be a lot more difference in teams than this year, with being no byes and a few more premiums.. Reakon there is at least 15 premium mids to choose from.. My side next year ATM I’m thinking backs god, Gibbs, lids, Scotland mid pricers connors and bruce Mids swan, ablett, pendles mid pricer Hayes if he doesn’t retire.. Rucks sandi, cox Fwds pav, fyfe, buddy, Cloke Mid pricer didak

  • This is quite similar to me; last year was my first year, and my team was mostly players I like and had pretty good Dt scores (Simon Black, Joel Tippett, Brett Kirk, Paul Medhurst and Mark McVeigh for example) and, although my team did pump out a few good scores and averaged 1940-odd, hey, even managed to win my school league, which was quite competitive, and my public league (only one loss all season).

    This season has been a massive step-up. Although my league results were poor (7, 11, 9, 10, 12) (they were pretty hard leagues) I’ve averaged about 2050 and pumped out huge scores that I never dreamed of last year. Co-incidentally, I started using DT Talk and Fanfooty and not giving a fuck about DrDt at the start of the year…

  • Great read mate.

    I am in a similar boat to you. I put in a side last year, but promptly forgot about it, so I count this season as my true debut in the world of Dream Team. Like you I’ve ended up pulling a 3rd place league finish and I have also proceeded to piss off my girlfriend with my incessant Dream Team scheming. Haven’t suffered the dog house treatment over it (or any porn-related adventures) though!

    I don’t if it was just me, but the big thing that got me in this year was the Dream Team app. Being able to see my points tick over in round 1 immediately had me hooked. This site, FanFooty etc. was what really cemented the addiction. I rue the fact that I only stumbled on it halfway through the year; basically flying blind (i.e. reading some Dr DT stuff as I was picking my team) at the start of the year led to some hits (picking Heppell, Lower and a few other rookies/underpriced players who kicked on) and some stupid misses (trading in Eddie Betts in about round 2 – WTF!?) I think the hits would have been greater, and the misses less if I had known about this site, FanFooty, FantasyFreako etc.

    I’ve learned a lot from this season:
    – The Guns ‘n’ Rookies start-of-year line-up is definitely the way to go.
    – Never trade until Friday late afternoon/night (thank you, Heath Shaw!)
    – Don’t trade sideways (except on a long-term injured/suspended premium).
    – Ignore any loyalty towards your own club (easy this season, being a Port fan).
    – Choose the good DT player, not the good footy player (or; always pick Dane Swan over Chris Judd).
    – On a similar note, ignore sentimentality (don’t pick Simon Black, Johnathon Brown etc.)

    Being a Port Adelaide fan, I can say that Dream Team has been the one redeeming feature of an overwhelmingly crappy footy year. I’m already gagging for next season!

  • So sick of those Latvian Porn sites. >:(

  • What I’ve learnt from my second year of DT.

    – Go GnR, midpricers are too risky (A.Everitt, L.Anthony) unless they’re proven DT jets with injury discount.
    – Trust your premiums; and never sideways (Broughton)
    – Shiggnis and Sylvia cannot, I repeat, CANNOT be trusted!
    – Finish your rucks from the beginning (save you lots of grief)
    – Lastly, save trades, don’t burn them. Your team will always get struck by injury!

  • Great read.
    I’ll add a few more points:
    – Don’t trade a premium in at their highest price, as something will happen and they will come down… fricken hard; harder then waking up with your worst hangover with someone suckling your (ad)cock. This may sound good, but it can cause you pain.
    – Never, and i repeat, never start your team with anyone named Colin, it’s a dud name and will result in dud scores.
    – Pay no attention to anyone who repeatedly asks “what will par score be?”
    – Ensure that you only pick players from actual AFL teams; any team who loses to the bye is good indicator of this.
    And, on a final note, have a laugh, although we are DT addicts try and have fun with it (I bet that’s what amy said….. too soon?)

  • i will have 2 teams this year, one the conventional guns and rookies approach

    the other a bit of a mix, a few guns and rookies and a few mid priced options

  • What I learned this season is this:

    1) My Dream Team scores are so low, they are currently in London, throwing bricks through shop windows.

    2) Having all those extra trades this year made me think they were as valuable as my share portfolio (ie, worthless). Mid season was not a good time to realise “shit, I’m almost out of trades, Sandi has done a toe and every defender in my team is as productive as a Fevola rehab stint”!

    3) Byes suck so much that I am tempted to buy a GWS membership, just to thank them for evening up the numbers for next season!

    4) Dr Dream Team is neither a doctor, no has any idea about Dream Team – though he has rather soft, warm hands, a delicate touch and knows his way around a prostate.

    5) Too many people are less than grateful for the service the DT Talk boys provide. Calvins Captains is not an exact science, but it takes a LOT of time and effort (otherwise we’d all do it for ourselves), the site is free and those that bitch and moan about the boys using their (quote) “best stuff” for their paid gig, are truly bottom feeders.

    • *nor has any idea – damn typo!

      • Gold Shares FTW

      • Good list by the way (y)

        • Why thank you Sir Albert.

          I should add one more, I learnt this one the hard way:

          6) Telling my wife to “shut it, I’m trying to figure out my dream team” will result in more than a partial lockout!

          • Well that’s why we get to nominate ‘vice captains’ for the ‘split round’ ;)

            Am I right? Hit me up

  • The above article and comments are so piss funny I spat 1/2 a pot of beer over my computer screen.
    Some fo the comments about wives understanding (or lack there of) of DT is priceless.
    Did not refill my beer until I had finished reading it and finally wiped the tears from my eyes.


  • As a 1st year Dream Teamer, this site has been everything to me.

    I’m somehow sitting just around the 800 mark in the comp, and am also not an aussie! (but love the game).

    I listened to most advice given and it’s worked out well!

    The biggest thing that’s served me in the game, is keeping my keepers at all costs, no matter how bad they are playing.

  • Great read mate……I know how it feels……1st year last year got bloody buggerall…….Good read

  • 10 things I learnt, un-learnt and re-learnt during 2011:

    – Buy low, sell high
    – Don’t cut corners on your premiums to save $20k, go for the best of the best
    – Hold onto your premiums at all costs, and move them on ONLY if they get a LTI or a long suspension.
    – There are no prizes for running out of trades first
    – For every unique mid-priced player that goes bang like Liam Shiels, there will be 30 blokes like Andrejs Everitt who will fail dismally. You need to be sure of success, otherwise don’t do it
    – Durable players are priceless. 20-22 game players only from here on
    – Young KPPs are to be avoided
    – Get your rookie downgrades done as early as possible, as the downgrade targets will dry up as the year goes on. The upgrade targets will always be there
    – Do not pick a player if he has had an interrupted pre-season
    – Do not compromise on any of the above. Discipline is the key