As hard as you try, what happened over the past few days can’t be unseen. Nor can your score. Player scores (for the most part) were above average, however what little bye planning we had all done went tits up thanks to injuries to crucial players at crucial times. Most fielded around 15-16, some had more but the extra scores were hardly worth bragging about. Basically, we’re all in need of a release. That’s what I’m here for. It’s time for the weekend wash-up!

Legends

Martin (150) – I had Dusty as my number 1 forward at the start of the season. Even though Swan and Gray are killing it, Dusty has started going HUGE. He has a 3 round average of 133, a 5 round average of 121 and has a BE of 64, surely making him the first forward to break 600k (ever?) after his next game. I’m hoping we all have him, it’s about time we started getting repaid for the years of faith! Boy does it feel satisfying.

Ellis (122) – Brandon Ellis is comfortably my favourite player from my squad, mainly due to his low ownership. I’m really not sure why he’s only owned by 5% of coaches. He has dropped under 100 just 3 times this season. An 87, 94 and 96. With 8 tons, 3 scores of 120+ and a 5 round average of 115 taking his season average to 107, you can’t ask for more. He will be around the top 8 mids come finals time and trust me, having his reliability as a POD is so handy! Legend.

Gaff (110) – Speaking of consistency, Gaff is finally reaching his fantasy potential. Amazingly, he is owned by just 1% of coaches! He has broken the 30+ disposal mark in each of his past 5 games, notching a ton every time recording a 5 round average of 113. I’m surprised the tags haven’t come so far, I’d be astounded if teams didn’t start targeting him again soon. The ship has sailed, well done to those who got on board. To think we were complaining about the lack of Round 13 bye candidates…

Macrae (120) – Macrae slid under the radar this season, probably for good reason. He was sent back to the VFL after Round 6, but has returned with vengeance. Notching scores of 99, 130 and now 120 since returning, he looks to be back to his best. I brought him in this week, and captained him! I considered it a good test, and he passed with flying colours. After sitting on 14 at QT, Macrae collected 31 disposals from that point. He was literally everywhere. He is attending a huge amount of centre bounces, noticeably more than last year. He also stays on the ground, lasting 89% TOG (Trust me, you notice this!). The Doggies fixtures are soft, I wouldn’t hesitate to get on board. Crazy good POD, owned by just 1.74% of players… I can’t see that lasting long.

Cripps (128) – Patrick Cripps defines fantasy legend. Many got rid of him after he had seemingly peaked in price, luckily I had no such luxury to trade a fit player capable of scoring a ton! Sure Judd’s injury has played a huge part in his increase in output, just enjoy the ride. He will average at least 90 and become a fantastic M9!

Treloar (131) – I went so close to selecting Treloar 2 weeks ago, not getting him has proven to be a mistake. Scores of 111 and 131 suggest he is back to his best, and his best is close to the top 8 mids. Awesome differential. Considering Montagna also monstered 140 last week, Sidebottom better step his game up!

Goldstein (135) – Yep, Goldy is in that vein of form. I still question his consistency. He has gone over 130 four times, throwing in a 122 for good measure. That’s unbelievable for a ruckman, and awesome to have going into finals. What’s not so awesome going into finals? Owning a ruckman capable of single handedly losing you a match. He will pump out a month averaging 120, then have a 3 week period where he doesn’t break 70. If you own Martin, then Jacobs and Goldstein is a toss up. There’s no denying it, Goldy will win you games.

Shaw (128) – Heath Shaw is making me look like an idiot, and that’s not for the first time. However this case is different! I have to put my hand up and admit I was wrong, he is a great selection. Surely he is heading for a top 6 defensive spot. Just remember, it’s Heath Shaw. For all we know, he has got us all on a string. Let’s hope (pray) he doesn’t do anything too Heath Shaw like. He remains on my never again list, no regrets!

Vince (158) – Bernie is back! I remember his 2009 season like it was yesterday, producing one of the better DT finals performances in living memory. He has since dropped into irrelevance, however a 5 round average of 116 and a 158 on the weekend is enough to suggest that he is finally back! Strongly consider him as a POD, he is racking up the stats.

Gawn (139) – In the past he has only been useful for the possibility of limitless puns, however those days are almost Gawn. Yeah I went there. Priced in the mid $300k’s as a ruck is not ideal, who am I kidding in reality nobody is going to get him. BUT, another decent score next week and he could be a cheeky cash grab. With a BE of 11 he is around the mark! Still better than Kreuzer…

Blicavs (123) – Finally, everybody’s favourite steeplechaser gets another mention. There are many forms of the triple double in AFL, however Blicavs is inventing his own! 2 weeks in a row he has notched 10+ hitouts, 10+ disposals and 10+ tackles! He hasn’t gone under 80 all season… Incredible.

Losers

Kelly (38) – Jake Kelly’s bandwagon has come crashing back to Earth, and is now heading underground. He has a 3 round average of 28.7 (Yes, do not scratch your eyes), lost 23k last week and has a BE of 87. I hope he is long gone! Forget bye structure, he has to go.

Lewis (75) – Hold me back. I was grumpy that he missed the game against Gold Coast. I was furious that he bounced back with an 80. Don’t worry I told my self, he will come back after a weeks rest and destroy the loose marking crows. 75? Thank GOD I was using the loophole and didn’t captain him, otherwise I might have had a mental breakdown. I held this guy for 2 weeks at $690k! I was always taught never to trade my best player, looks like Lewis has made me a fool. Forget what he does next week, the damage is already done. Everyone will get on him when (if) it turns around.

Gunston (15) – Here I was thinking Lewis had a bad week. Imagine owning Jack Gunston… *shudders*

McIntosh (20) – Haha, imagine owning Kamdyn McIntosh. Hang on, I don’t have to imagine what it’s like to watch your winger run around all night for 4 possessions. FOUR POSSESSIONS. I could jog out there, set up a deck chair on a wing and beat that effort. Worst thing is I have to hold him this week… Rage trade of the millennium coming up before Round 14.

Gray (63) – Gray was on fire. Late in the 2nd term he was on 63, looking like posting a massive 120+. Step up Bryce Gibbs. Sure technically there wasn’t much wrong with the tackle, but there isn’t much required for me to have a go at Bryce Gibbs either. I know a guy who traded out Gray when he had an injury, brought in Franklin (who averaged 80) while Gray returned and pumped out a 5 round average of 111. He then traded Gray back in, during which time he hasn’t tonned and now sees him concussed in the red vest. No odds on who that guy is.

Kreuzer (42) – It could be worse. It can always be worse. Unless you own Kreuzer. That’s when you know you’ve bottomed out. Good luck finding the $300k required to upgrade him! Sadly I’m not is a supportive mood, nobody is going to tell you he will turn it around though! I guess you’ve come too far now though…

Dumont (27) – Thank you very much Brad Scott. Or Darren Crocker. Whoever is at fault here needs a serious spray. DT problems aside, why on Earth didn’t Dumont start on the ground? He was awesome against the Eagles, and surely deserves a full hitout. It’s becoming hard to hold him.

Tarrant (35) – Yes, there are some people out there who didn’t have to chance to dump Tarrant when he was 300k. Round 13 bye players were supposedly precious guys! Not when you pump out a 3 round average of 38.7, then again what did we expect… Sigh.

Leuenberger (33) – I am a proud member of the ‘Don’t buy into the pre-season ruck hype’ club. Everyone got lucky that he was dropped, however I didn’t see his fall from grace being this bad. He has averaged 34 since Round 1 (7 games). You couldn’t make it up, that is hilarious.

Toumpas (35) – I’m breaking the Dylan Shiel rule this week to cook Toumpas. You can’t keep teasing us like this, I just feel bad for those who jumped on his low BE. He has scored 2 tons in his career. He backed up his first with a 49, and now his second with a 35. Horror show.

The Mark Stevens

I have 2 candidates this week. As far as poor journalism goes, Mark has that covered. However on Friday I heard some downright awful commentary. Yes I’m a biased Eagles fan, however I think this cook is justified. I lost a lot of respect for David Parkin. After the siren the Eagles celebrated a great win over an in-form Richmond, something the Dockers couldn’t manage at home 2 weeks ago. What does Parkin say after the game? “Having watched that scrappy last quarter, I don’t think we’ll see either of these sides during September let alone October.” Sorry what? Does he expect West Coast to go 2-8 from here on? He basically tore apart both sides, and had a go at the Eagles for not being able to kill off Richmond. Sorry, but you don’t need to win every game by 10 goals. While he was at it he brushed off Richmond as an average side. Thanks to Gerrard Whately for standing up to him, but just because Carlton are dwelling in the cellar doesn’t mean I need to hear my team berated on air after a fantastic win. Victorians.

Quickly, Dom Cassisi made a fool of himself on twitter. I’m all for banter, but not so much for taking cheap shots on social media as a washed up footballer. To be fair, at least Dom finally hit a target… He proceeded to tweet that it was harmless banter, before finally waking up to the 21st century and apologising.

Here are this weeks nominations… Get voting!

Vince – 38 disposals, 11 clearances, 19 contested possessions, 9 tackles and 2 goals for 158 points. Not a bad day at the office. If there are Bernie owners out there, this is a no brainer!

Shaw – I certainly owe Heath a nomination, here is your chance in the sun you brave souls!

Martin – Dusty was unstoppable, backing up from his 142 against Freo in Round 10. Any other week he walks it in, but he’ll need your votes against some tough competition!

Cripps – Patty gets my vote, he is just awesome considering this is just his second season of AFL. 31 disposals and 13 tackles if you don’t mind!

Goldstein – 80 hitouts is a fair effort, I suppose his 3 round average of 121 ain’t bad either. As I said, there is some fair competition this week!

This Game Sh*ts Me

Everything about the byes sh*ts me. Eating donuts sh*ts me. The sub rule still manages to sh*t me. However all that funny business pales into comparison compared to some of the players I own. I have come to the realisation that I have to try and salvage my season and make finals backed by a bunch of delinquents. Andrew Swallow, you’re starting to turn your scores around… Why go and get yourself reported for a trip belonging in a Primary School playground? Did I mention McIntosh spent 83% TOG for 4 touches? Delinquents are why this game sh*ts me, sadly I’m probably the biggest one of the lot.

The Other Bits and Pieces

*I can still pretend that my team is alive*

1542. Not bad, shame I sacrificed around 400 points last week in an attempt to be more consistent… Consistently bad yes, but it levels out the pain at least. I’m back in the top 10k though, so that’s something I suppose. I’m learning some valuable lessons this season, the biggest test of someone is how they bounce back from adversity (or so I’m told). Yep, that’s what I’m going to run with. How did you guys go? Let me know in the comments! That is of course unless you’re bragging in which case you’re wanted over in the Round review! I’ll see you guys all again next week, I suspect we may have some Round 13 success across the board!