The Weekend Wash-Up Episode #36 – Total Carnage

I thought this game was meant to be fun. That was torture. It would be nice to sit down to write this after a decent round of fantasy, but once again we’re scarred and in need of getting some things off our chests… It’s time for your weekly fantasy therapy session, it’s time for the weekend wash-up!

Legends

Whitfield (143) – My only good player. Whitters as captain is genuinely keeping me afloat in the rankings, we just need somebody to come with him. It’s beautiful to watch and good to see at least one of my players actually wants the football in his hands. 39 disposals and 10 marks, he is proof going to the top can be worth it.

Daicos (131) – 38 disposals, and it’s no surprise when you see his work rate. Leading by example for the Pies and for our fantasy sides, the comparison between him and the Ashcroft brothers was actually embarrassing.

Taranto (120) – 35 disposals, 18 contested, 6 tackles, 4 marks and a goal. I was going to say there is still some good footy left in the old boy, but he’s bloody 27! In his prime and remains value coming into some nice fixtures. 

Hewett (123) – M1, bloody hell. The only player still on the ton run and 4% of the comp are laughing. 

Xerri (116) – This felt like it might have been a Marshall repeat of last year, let’s hope he is over that injury and ready to go on a hot run.

Cerra (109) – Averaging 99.2, has been a great starting pick this season and is borderline still underpriced. Not exciting but gets it done.

Martin (122) – Absolutely dominated while playing 60% of the game down back!!! That’s a massive flag, he would be close to a 110 forward if that’s the case.

Gawn (125) – I NEVER DOUBTED YOU MAX!!! On 36 at half time, he ended with 28, disposals, 31 hitouts and genuinely put the dees on his back in the second half. Turned out to be an OK pick.

Petracca (100) – 28 CBAs is what we want to see, he is value up forward and a target for me this week. Gun.

Dawson (123) – Genuine butcher but the perfect fantasy player, the way he is kicking it he’s never getting tagged again and continues to stuff the stat sheet. All jokes aside he is averaging 113 and dominating, and Rankine only frees him up further.

Ash (118) – My pick of the year. Justice for starting him, shameful for trading him. 29 disposals 10 marks the tsunami just love to chip.

Butters (114) – Pretty good at footy isn’t he. Rozee looking awesome at HB also, but it will be interesting to see how that plays out without Wines.

JHF (105) – Hold your premiums.

Losers

W.Ashcroft (41) – I need to ask a serious question. Who do we think would win in a 100m sprint between Will Ashcroft… And Reilly O’Brien. Hear me out, I think it might be close. Sure Will probably has him out of the gates but then again, I don’t think I’ve seen a man his stature accelerate so slowly. Once big Reilly gets the strides going I think he has him covered. That was seriously f**king embarrassing. I need to see his GPS readings because I swear to god he was on my TV for 90% of the game and I genuinely can count on one hand how many times washedcroft broke out of a jog. He got lucky to score 40. The worst performance I have ever seen and I never want him compared to Nick Daicos again.

Briggs (39) – Riddle me this one. Average in 2023 – 94. Average in 2024 – 92. Average in 2025 non vest – 90. Until I bring him in. 39 points. WTF? That is the first time I’ve ever watched him closely and my god. I don’t think I can ever watch GWS again. He makes ROB look like a gazelle. Embarrassing.

Reid (36) – Typical. We shift to 3 defensive rookies and our entire structure collapses around us. Thanks for that effort Zach. 

Cleary (33) – I go to the bottom when I’m upgrading and I later regret it. So this time I pay up an extra $100k to get Cleary’s cash generation. Yeah. The $50k he made before he vests next week and returns to the VFL was hell worth it. Give me a spell.

Trainor (2) – Do not scratch your eyes. Adam Yze has no soul and no morals. So many coaches had him on field, myself included, I just got lucky I could move him (for an extra 31 points). Good to have Noah Balta back though, just what everyone wanted. Farewell cash gen.

TDK (62) – 62 of the worst. The Briggs move could have been a total disaster, but it was actually looking genius before I saw the big oaf play. TDK has gone 82, 75, and now 62 and it’s going in the wrong direction fast. All of this without Pittonet. Nothing short of a disgrace. 

Neale (79) – Just very disappointing and maybe Lachie Neale is just priced fairly. 

Zorko (76) – This is going from bad to worse. The Zork now has a L3 of 82, lost another $50k and has a BE of 150. It’s just a total disaster.

McCluggage (62) – Classic Clugga. He can never be a real option.

Powell (75) – Ok, Tommy Powell might not be a keeper. He was on 15 at half time so firstly it’s a great save, and secondly it shows just how sh*t Ashcroft was. Completely saved his score and his owners from utter travesty and kicked a nice one on the final siren too as a farewell present. 

McKercher (58) – North taking their rookies from dominating half back roles to the graveyard shift just to keep the media happy is working wonders. Colby just isn’t winning any hard footy, let him go back there and impact how he knows best. Oh wait, they sold the house to pick up Caleb Daniel. Makes sense. Sheezel is in the same boat. I don’t hear how Jack Sinclair’s possessions aren’t damaging. Laughable.

O’Sullivan (22) – Hahahahahahahaha this isn’t under 18s anymore little buddy. He needs some milk. Can spin though. Real nice spins. Into getting nailed holding the ball. Embarrassing.

Zach Merrett (81) – Didn’t bother to rock up to this game which was bitterly disappointing, but he did the exact same thing to me last year. Captains are becoming a pain.

Serong (79) – Can’t score with a tag, can’t score without a tag. LOSER.

Crouch (78) – L3 69.7. The draft saviour has become the draft killer.

Rowell (88) – Everyone knows that Marvel grass is just no good, so this score should come as no surprise.

Flanders (57) – Another player sent into a genuine graveyard shift at half forward, can we just get our best players on the ball please? What a joke. Huge head tilt as well.

Balta (55) – Here’s hoping no one got in the way of him and his pizza last night. 

Chad Warner (71) – Might be value at $500k.

Moraes (30) – Are there any rookies going well?! Mid season downgrading is a sh*tshow.

C.Warner (27) – Taps rookies are sh*t sign.

BERGMAN (33) – WHAT?! I know he takes turns with Kane Farrell, but that’s not right. 33 points. Insane stuff, this was the week from hell.

This game sh*ts me

Mid-season downgrading. Keeping that cash gen going is critical, and year on year it’s complete guess work who to get. I pay up to avoid what happened to El-Hawli owners, only to pay $340k for Cleary who didn’t get a f**king touch. He will probably be sub next week, get dropped the next and make me 50k. Every year this bullshit kills me and it’s a genuine game of pin the tail on the donkey. Rookie roulette is bad enough on field, it’s worse trying to keep your bench alive. This game sh*ts me.

The other bits and pieces

1939 and just a train wreck all round, but somehow we’re hanging around the top 2k. Mark my words that is the last time I ever bank $$$. Why does it all go wrong at once? I’d say hopefully my score makes you feel better, but I was alarmingly close to par!!! I’m going bang bang with my trades this week, time to get these rookies off my bloody field. That now includes 6 of them with Ashcroft and Briggs. Unbelievable.

Powell -> Heeney (Can’t afford Taranto)

L.Ashcroft -> Petracca

It can’t be this bad next week… Right?! As always check out the podcast for my full scale meltdown. Best of luck in Round 7 legends, may the luckiest man or woman win…

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