I’m not sure who the Ugliest Man In The AFL mantle belonged to before last week, but Magpie new boy John Anthony surely became the new title-holder on Friday night. The unveiling of his hideously shaved head was the biggest rookie-related news of the round, overshadowing the 119-point debut by Brisbane’s Bradd Dalziell. So horrible was Anthony that he even eclipsed the announcement that Chook’s Rooks poster boy Rhys Palmer could be sidelined until 2009.

This week we’re asking Chook’s Rooks readers to vote on their ultimate first-year midfielders. Check out the nominees below and pick six rookie centres for the Chook’s Rooks All-Rookie Team. Oh, and you can still vote on your best seven backs, too. Rucks and forwards coming soon.

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Posted by Chook | 35 Comments »

“What’s the point of talking about rookies at this stage of the season?” was the question posed by Dan in the Price Check column comments yesterday. I reckon he was rocking the rhetorical, but I’ll give him an answer anyways: I can’t help it! I have a medically diagnosed obsession with following the Dream Team fortunes of first-year footballers in the AFL. Take a typical conversation at DT Talk head office, for example.

Chook: Hey Tit-Ed, can you pass me another sausage Rioli?

Tit-Ed: Oh, for f&%$’s sake. What do I look like to you? Some Bird who waits on you hand and foot? Get off Kreuzer control, you lazy Jack-off!

Chook: Geez, sorry Tit-Ed. I was going to take a Gamble and ask you to grab the sauce and Tippett on, too, but forget about it.

Tit-Ed:  You Wona go!? Talk to the Palmer of my hand, cause the Head ain’t listening.

Chook: Sorry, Tit. Look, don’t get upset. I don’t won’t you to chuck another Geary. You’re my Mayne man. And the sausage Riolis look over the Hill anyway. Must’ve been in the Sellar too long. Let’s Tuck into the beers instead and be Dunn with it.

Tit-Ed: All White, sounds like a plan.

And just as you were beginning to think that Chook’s Rooks couldn’t go any Lower. Anyway, the point is that, yes, Dan, there is little point in talking about rookie breakevens and the like at this stage of the season. Instead, we’re this week opening the voting on the 2008 All-Rookie Team, as voted by Chook’s Rooks readers. We’ll start with the backs and then move on to mids, forwards and piss-weak rucks in the lead-up to finals. Read on for your chance to vote for your favourite first-year defenders.

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Posted by Chook | 38 Comments »

If this was Andre 3000’s Rooks, and I was shaking polaroid pictures and “just being honest”, then I’d own up and admit that this weekly post is now about as redundant as the legs on handball-happy pair Daniel Cross and Sam Mitchell. “Why is it redundant, Andre 3000?”, you might ask, before adding: “Man, that Hey Ya song was hella catchy, but how massive is your ego that, like, in the video, there was, like, seven versions of yourself playing in the band?”

I can’t speak for Andre, but I think the answer to the second question is “super massive”, (I mean, the dude was singing, and playing guitar, and playing keys, and playing drums…) As for the first question about the continuing usefulness of this column, well, let’s see…
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Posted by Chook | 28 Comments »

So, a couple of rookie rucks have reared their ugly, under-developed heads since the last installment of Chook’s Rooks. I’m making a point of this because rookie rucks getting a gig are as rare as DT hundreds against Sydney, and some coaches could be looking to downgrade the likes of North’s Hamish Mack-And-Toss, St Kilda’s Justin Cause-I’m-Shit-Ski, Sydney’s Peter Over-It or Adelaide’s Jonathan Gruff-Chin. And everyone would love a back-up for when Dean Cox decides to give his broken foot a break.

Read on to see whether it’s worth taking a punt on Hawthorn tall Brent Renouf or St Kilda youngster Ben McEvoy, plus a plethora of rookie-related info that’s really pretty useless.

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Posted by Chook | 41 Comments »

No holiday romance analogies, no vague Charles Dickens comparisons and definitely no tenuous Cyndi Lauper references. This week’s Chook’s Rooks is a snack-sized edition, small enough to digest before this afternoon’s teams announcements. And an exciting afternoon it could be. If they’re named, there are four two-game rooks set to rocket upwards about $40,000. But will they hold their spot? If you think the answer is “don’t be a knob, Chook, of course not”, then you might be willing to take a risk on some attractive one-gamers. Read on for all the details.

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Posted by Chook | 21 Comments »