The Weekend Wash-Up – Bye Round 3

I sit down to write this article tonight on the back of my worst Fantasy score EVER (Seriously you’ll have a good laugh) while I watch the Socceroos get battered. If this article represents anything like my state of mind then you should be in for some entertainment. It’s time for the weekend wash-up…..

Legends

Sheed (112) – Who was laughing? I’m pretty much a Fantasy genius. Sheed was in my line of sight before his forward addition at Round 12, and he dominated on Thursday night. If it wasn’t for spending the final 20 minutes on the bench it could have been more! Dom does spend the majority of the time on a forward flank so there will be some low scores, I’d say he’s on the expensive side after his latest price rise. Next season, look out!

L.Jetta (76) – With this performance Lewis Jetta has put the Eagles ahead in ‘the trade’. He now leads Callum Sinclair one good game to zero. It’s clearly not Fantasy relevant at all but that’s how light on we are for legends this week.

Newman (112) – What’s that? There’s a tear in my eye? Must be the onions. Leave. Me. Alone. This pain never goes away, Newman was a season maker or breaker!

Heeney (109) – You could say that Heeney was a better option than Jack Steele for $60k less a couple of months ago… Another gun added onto my list of idiotic trade calls this season. Legend!

Wines (119) – Captain hindsight is having a personal best season in 2017. Remember when there wasn’t any value Port or Gold Coast players coming off there bye? Ollie Wines says hi. He had a temporary blip but 100’s are the norm for Ollie now, gun.

Zorko (157) – Imagine having the chance to bring in a Brisbane midfielder 2 weeks ago and not picking Zorko. He’s a dead set champion and still criminally underrated by most AFL pundits. If they play AFL Fantasy however, you’ve known him for years. What a machine.

Gibbs (194) – WOW. Like BOY OH BOY WOWEE HOW ABOUT THAT wow. How was it even possible to get that Round 11 midfielder wrong?! Gibbs is now averaging 118 and carries a 5 round average of 137. He hasn’t dropped below 93 all season. Just amazing stats, yet he only ranks as the 7th best player this season. What a crazy year. Anyway… He scored 194 Fantasy points thanks to 43 disposals, 8 marks and 10 tackles. Doesn’t get much better than that. LEGEND!

Image result for bryce gibbs

Docherty (143) – OK, I get it Doch. Alright?! Could you please just, slow down? Another alternative would be for an opposition coach to think “Oh hey, Carlton are playing pretty good footy at the moment. Docherty is their form player and averages nearly 6 rebound 50’s per game. Perhaps we should put a player within 50 metres of him.” That’s just a non-owner talking, Doch is nearing pig levels at the moment and it’s getting out of hand. His 5 round average has hit 134, not dropping below 119 since Round 7. That is not a typo. Most importantly, his price has passed $700k. Insanity. 30% of the competition are scratching their heads wondering what the hell the rest of us are doing. L.E.G.E.N.D.

Simpson (137) – I’m noticing a pretty common theme with these legends. Firstly, half of them are Carlton players, and secondly I don’t own any. Kade Simpson is averaging 100 and putting together another brilliant Fantasy season. Shame you couldn’t do that 2 years ago for me when it really mattered Kade. These Ex’s are killing me.

Kreuzer (112) – To the 11.5% of the competition that own Kreuzer, you’re welcome. I passed on him 2 weeks ago and I fear to think where his career would be at now if I hadn’t. He’s putting together a pretty special season, Carlton are finally getting some dividends for their faith. Beast.

Losers

You could make a pretty solid NEAFL team from this losers outfit… I’ll keep it brief, they don’t deserve the time of day.

Tuohy (72) – Do you want to be a premium defender or not? I was at the game Thursday and hardly noticed Tuohy, the rollercoaster is taking a dip.

S.Selwood (60) – I find it quite amusing at the amount of people who always fall for injury prone players. I mean, didn’t Fantasy coaches know Selwood’s ankle troubles meant this hamstring injury was only a matter of time? Morons… This is really shitty luck not only for those who traded Scooter in, but for Scott himself. Hopefully he’s back soon. (Trade)

J.Selwood (48) – Uh, Joel? What was that? A tag is one thing, but 2 tackles and 2 quarters where he might as well have not even stepped on the ground is another. I was scrolling for so long to find Selwood’s score that I had some Lycett flashbacks. *shudders*

Steven (65) – Taggers are back in vogue, let’s celebrate everybody! Someone grab the hard liquor. I don’t want to know what planet I’m on.

Image result for jack steven hair

Newnes (79) – Realistically this score is pretty solid. Hell I’d take it from a defender. Sadly in a competitive team this isn’t good enough from a premium. It’s Jack’s lowest score since Round 3, well timed son. As if I hadn’t proved that my team is enough of a meme, Newnes comes in for me this week. That kind of performance deserves a call up.

Butler (20) – Captain hindsight was back at it again. If I had my time over I would have seen Dan Butler running out of the tunnel after half time, grabbed him by the waist and taken him to Suplex city. He went backwards in the second half. -1. He might as well have gone for that tactic all game, because quite frankly the laughs that would have given me outweighs the significance of the 20 points he scored.

Parker (83) – Many things have me lost for answers this season. My rank. My team. The need for clubs to have byes over 3 weeks. Covfefe. None of them stack up to the loss of form by Luke Parker. He has gone from an All-Australian gun midfielder to a B-Grade run of the mill donkey. He’s fully fit, Sydney are back winning and yet Parker still let’s me down. Unreal.

Franklin (61) – Alex Rance >Best forward in the game. Rance still hardly features in most discussions regarding the top few players in the competition. Hopefully this performance changed some tunes.

S.Martin (69) – Ok, I think I’ve finally figured it out. Archie Smith playing or not, Stef had an empty stat line at quarter time. The whole Stef going full retard when another ruckman plays conumdrum has a simple answer. He hates sharing so much that he’s willing to refuse to play to make a point. This can be the only logical explanation.

Beams (60) – Dayne Beams thought he’d get in on the spud act with a spectacular 16 point second half. As a pure midfielder, that involves some serious work in making runs away from the ball and 1% efforts not to dispose of the footy. Woeful.

Barlow (82) – Sometimes footy takes a back seat, and this was heartbreaking. Barlow has broken the same leg he injured back in 2010, following undoubtedly the greatest debut season by a rookie ever (Averaged 110). Never forget. We love you Mick.

Marchbank (65) – At this stage of the season there can be no passengers. Thanks for your service Caleb, but he’s worth $430k, has a BE of 84 and is an easy stepping stone to Lloyd or Newnes. Don’t hesitate.

Williamson (28) – Help me. CHRIST. 28 points?! He reached that score at the start of the second quarter. This is actually stressing me out now. How can you be that bad? Carlton chip it around for half the game. I give up.

Willis (22) – This week was really just a massive f**k you from our rookies. They didn’t even try. I know you can’t expect much from a guy like Willis, but 22? No tackles? His BE is probably out of reach this week, absolute head shaker.

Lynch (34)

Hall (74) – A personal favourite steps up to the chopping block. Why in the name of anything that’s holy did I think trading in Aaron Hall was a good idea. Gary Ablett cost $70k extra. Wines cost less. Bryce Gibbs wasn’t much more. In reality, just about anyone could have outperformed Hall. He’s under the roof next week, good news right?! He had a sensational 54 points in the Suns last game in perfect conditions. I look forward to another Aaron clinic next weekend.

Dahlhaus (66) – Another one. I can’t really be bothered anymore. Dahlhaus is stuck in the Dog Haus and unless he scores 150 next week he’s not going anywhere. Pathetic.

Johannisen (51) – I left a poor JJ owner hanging last week after his 27 point performance was so bad I missed it entirely. Luckily he gave me another chance and I’m sure his owners will be thankful for that… First of all he can shave off that horrendous bloody haircut, maybe then he can play some AFL standard football. I don’t bother to watch the Bulldogs at the moment, if I wanted to see a 60 point game of football I’d tune into AFL womens. Let’s be perfectly clear, the Dogs are lucky that competition isn’t running mid-season. The viewership would spike.

Viney (74) – Remember when I pumped up Viney way back? It’s only fair that I mention he hasn’t scored a ton since that 132 vs Adelaide in Round 8. In fact he only has 3 for the whole season. Massive draft letdown.

Steele (-) – I’ve got nothing to say about this bloke. This is an ALL TIME burn. I’ve seen models with more guts than Steele. It guaranteed me a donut and this will officially be his last mention ever. Best of luck in the future Jack.

Rockliff (74) – I logged onto my team today and thought Rocky had scored a solid 148. It was a couple of seconds later that I realised what occurred over the previous 48 hours. That wasn’t our Pig out there on Saturday. Chris Fagan came out midweek and stated Rocky wasn’t fully fit the week before (Thanks for letting us know the week before champion), but he was 100% this week. Yeah, sure looked like it… At least make your lie somewhat believable. Word is Rocky was also crook, which ended up with him sitting on the bench for the second half and playing only 59% TOG.

Basically, I’ve had my captain average 85 over the past 2 weeks, a player I paid $723,000 for. You could list off just about any player in the competition that would have been a better option, and it has turned a bad season for me into a disaster. To top it off, everyone else is going to get a cheap pig so every man and his dog will own Rocky come finals. **** it. Just **** it.

This Game Sh*ts Me

While we’re on a roll let’s just keep it going. How does playing a game which involves you selecting players into a Fantasy team manage to completely ruin your weekend. I was a shitty human, no denying it. By the end of it I felt like Jon Snow, only there’s no witch around to revive my Fantasy team. First it was Butler. Then Stef. Then Rocky. Then Hall. Then Lynch. Story time. Gold Coast were playing Carlton at home, surely a good chance to get a much needed victory. Who was Tom Lynch going to lineup against? Liam Jones? You’re joking me?! Thanks for coming, I’ll have a piece of that! Instead the “best forward in the game” according to some had one of the WORST performances I have seen by an AFL footballer. Liam Jones. Give me a spell. 34 points, 1 mark, 0 goals.

The best part is I’m getting advice like I haven’t been playing Dream Team for 10 years. Like I actually wanted to get guys like Goldy or Lynch. Downgrade upgrade, I know! But what the bloody hell am I meant to do when there isn’t a single downgrade option playing that week. There wasn’t one. With just $3k in the bank, I was doomed no matter what tade I pulled. Admittedly, Tom Lynch was about as bad as I could have possibly managed and it would have been better to just take a donut. Another donut. I already had one. Jesus…

Send help ASAP, I’m unlocking the shed. This game sh*ts me.

Bryce Gibbs. Adelaide must be sitting back wondering what could have been, that’s what you get for being a tight ass. I know the feeling, I refused to pay top dollar for Sam Docherty. I can confirm it doesn’t feel great.

31 kicks, 12 handballs, 8 marks, 10 tackles, 7 clearances, 7 inside 50’s and 2 goals. The only thing his performance was missing was just one more +6. 194… That’s a well earned stubby if I’ve ever seen one. Congratulations Bryce! It doesn’t make up for your first name but hopefully it eases some of the pain.

The Other Bits and Pieces

1341…… No it isn’t a typo. Yes you have read it correctly. We were boardering medieval times last week, so this week we’ve gone deeper. Perhaps an astronomer realised that the Earth rotates the Sun every 365 days. Maybe somebody discovered the Earth isn’t flat. I don’t know, I’m not going to bother researching back that far.

Sadly it doesn’t get any better for me this week. The only rookies I own that are worth anything are critical players on my field, and my bench rookies, well… It will take a month of recycling to make one upgrade. The news that Josh Kelly is potentially injured genuinely makes me want to throw up. That is seriously my only good trade this season. I will be officially broken. Good luck next week everyone, I can’t wait to hit 1800 again. That’s my new benchmark. Don’t judge please, I’m trying my best.

66 Comments

  • I worked out going Rocky over Zorko only cost around 250 points and $150k so maybe it wasn’t that bad of a move saying screw it 10 minutes before lock out 2 weeks ago, reversing my trade and bringing in #38 instead of #15 who sat there all week.

    The positive is when Rocky gets gastro he manages to score 70+, not some insipid 14.

  • Great article Matt! Love your reports on Steele and Dahlhaus – can’t agree more! Don’t worry I’m not far behind with 1396 over the weekend. My opponent got 1400, yes i lost my 4 points and it was all down to Dahlhaus! I just needed to him to get 70 or above to win! Alas, he failed.

  • What is the reference to Lycett? I recall an 8 point game vs the Giants last season.

    I’ve gotten on him early in my draft league, with their draw during Fantasy Finals I’m hoping he could go bang!

    • Lycett should be on everyone’s never/ never again list… regardless of whether they had him or not, because no one that scores 8 in a full game of football (yes there was no injury) deserves to be even considered fantasy relevant, ever again

    • Yep, it was in a draft final. Never. Again.

  • Loved the article, couldn’t stop laughing, sorry Matt. 😂😂😂

  • You poor bastard….. I feel for ya!!

  • Yes, Matt, love your articles and your humour …

  • Matt,

    Great article again.
    I only scored 1177 so your score isn’t as bad as mine.
    One legend I’ll add to this is Brad Ebert. Picked him up 3 weeks ago and he’s lowest score in that time is only 99.
    Pushing to be top 8 mid by seasons end.

    • Ebert has had enough love from me for a life time. 1177… How? I’m going to presume you were just tossing a league game

      • Only 14 on field.

        No thanks to Yeo, Rocky, Menegola, Berry, Nank to Name a few. Pretty much but I needed a win so it has destroyed my season now. Damn you good players on rnd 13 byes

  • Thanks Matt, takes a brave man to report on the round just passed…twas absolute carnage….1438 for me from the 16 players I could scrape together.. unbelievable that actually helped my ranking up 700 odd spots to 4815…

    If selection table goes well this week I should only be fielding 3 rookies (I don’t count Newman as a rookie anymore) in Barrett, Greenwood & Beech so praying to see a 2 at the start of my score this week!
    How many rookies are others down to on the field this week?

    • 1806 which would be the highest ranked score I have ever had. Playing rookies Barrett Greenwood and Cousins this week – I was hoping to upgrade someone this week but got Barlow in last week and S.Selwood recently too, so they have to go instead. Instead I have brought in Z. Merrett and Beech (if selected) with $59 left over

      • That’s shite luck with Barlow mate, I was so close to bringing him in last week but Newnes value steered me there instead…can’t go wrong with Merrett mate…I brought Beech in for his first game and he scored a 72…looked good to so reckon you’ve done well with your forced trades.

    • I’ve still got 4. Went very close to full gunsnrookies for my structure for rd 1 and with the lack of good rookies it’s been hard to upgrade. Wasn’t until rd 7 until I got my first upgrade. Ranked 5660

      • Sounds like my season Roger!! Just hope the patience pays off over the next ten rounds…..

        • It’s a frustrating year and now lost Barlow and Scooter this week. Trading Barlow to Sheed/Prestia and Williamson to Lloyd. Upgrade Scooter next week

          • Jumped on Lloyd early this season and other than the concussion game has scored consistently…my D4 and couldn’t be happier…
            Sheed has me puzzled…trading in would go against my rule of only trading in rookies or those who I believe will be top 6/8 in their position BUT with the forwards the way they are and already having missed Heeney at a good price, not sure if I can afford to not have a crack at Sheed…great value and looking like a real player…I like your trades…

          • I think Sheed should be good with the odd 60-70 here and there. Might go prestia as only just started to train twice s week and feels like he will hit his straps pretty soon. Sheed B/e 50 prestia b/e 56 but $40k cheaper.

    • Currently Tom Stewart – the plan is next week trade to Lloyd, and Greenwood. A complete midfield, but forwards needs more work because it now has Robbie Gray (as of this week) which means it’s two off complete.
      Hopefully Nank to big Gawn in two weeks but he’s not really a rookie, not counting Newman either as I’m keeping him D6.

      • Sounds like your a little ahead of the game there Tommy….you planning to trade Mark to Haven’t or switch him to F5-6?

        • Bloody auto correct was meant to say are you planning to trade Nank to Gawn or switching him to F5-6.

          • Would be ideal to switch to F5-F6, but cash flow from rookies is slow and I don’t think I’ll be able to. Good question tho, if Greenwood goes up enough and Gawn goes down enough, if Gray goes up $60k I could trade out Gray for Gawn with Greenwood to rookie (Kirby?) – but that puts Brown or Beech on field. A lot needs to go right, including high performing rookies, but all possible! If Beech can keep his spot he will score well.

  • Love the wash up, tagging is getting annoying especially when I picked up Stevens after his first game to complete my FWD line and now he’s the one doing the tagging, can’t trade him either got Barlow,Jones,Steele,Scooter,Kelly and Nank to deal with. Love the Lynch Gif, went to school with David Tennant.

  • Best Barlow replacement in Draft League?

    Touk Miller
    Josh Caddy
    Michael Walters
    Levi Greenwood
    Josh Jenkin

  • fml… Have Scooter, Steele, Barlow, Josh Kelly and news is Nank is out?

    Wtf do i do

  • Thankfully, the byes are done Matt and we can go back to normal scores! I was guilty of bagging Sheed last week, I eat humble pie and I’m almost considering him this week (but I expect a drop in score against Melbourne). Mountford was inspired last week, it was between him and Willis but budget prevailed.
    I feel for Kelly owners but only superficially, privately I’m high fiving everytime a premo that I don’t have goes down (for anybody above me).
    Barlow to Gray is what keeps me up at night. I’m praying for a better option come Thursday night.

  • Always think it is pretty hpiss poor to bag out someone for a low score when they get injured… naming an injured Scott Selwood as a loser this week is just bad form..and then to see you put Barlow in there as well when the poor guy broke his leg …

    Not Very Cool Mate ,, Not Very Cool At All

    • This is really shitty luck not only for those who traded Scooter in, but for Scott himself. Hopefully he’s back soon.
      Yup Ticonderous Matt was heatless writing this about Scooter..

      Barlow (82) – Sometimes footy takes a back seat, and this was heartbreaking. Barlow has broken the same leg he injured back in 2010, following undoubtedly the greatest debut season by a rookie ever (Averaged 110). Never forget. We love you Mick.
      Ticonderous did you actually read what was written before posting?? Not having a go at you cause everyone is entitled to their say but seriously mate…

      • I did see what he wrote ,, was saying it was bad form to name them in the loser section ..

        he should have wrote that footy was the loser for losing Barlow and Selwood ..

    • Pretty sure the -3 is because of what happened to them, not because of their scores. Pretty clear Matt has a man crush on Barlow

  • I love the wash up! I can’t wait to read this article each week. The references are hilarious and it’s cathartic. It’s like group therapy for fantasy rage. We talk about the choices that led us here, snicker and nod, realise we’re not alone and start to heal.

  • Thanks Matt, you had me in stitches best read of the year so far ! Thanks.
    At least with 3 trades last week I could have fixed some things but back to 2. Kelly should be resting in a BYE! (Plus Scooter, Barlow and Nank to deal with) Thankfully I traded Steele and vickers Ellis last round.

  • Best Premium to get in out of Merrett and Trealor?

  • Marc Murphy or Oliver wines for Mid 8 ?

  • Love these washups. Feel your pain Matt. Newman was season killer and maker for sure. I got rid of him just after getting sick of Horse’s actions… and now feel it everytime Newman puts a boot on the ball.

  • Great read, Matt! They keep getting better.

    Don’t worry, nothing much happened in 1341 anyway.

  • Awesome article again Matt. Bloody hilarious! I was a fellow 1300 and something scorer too. That round 13 surely has to go down in DT/AF history as the worst ever weekend of fantasy footy of all time. We all deserve 2400+ as a peace offering from the dt gods this weekend

  • I thought this would be a weekend to push up the rankings and make a bit of ground on everyone.. Actually had 18 play.. But, managed to scrounge out a measly 1703. Thanks to Jack “I’ll run around and do nothing” Steven, Sam “Lost” Menegola, Caleb ‘Don’t want to find the pill’ Marchbank, Lance “Rance is killing me” Franklin, Luke “I’ve forgotten how to play” Dahlhaus (Mountford not included) for getting bloody 60’s!! 6 tonnes and the surgical “Dochtor” as captain saved me from deleting my team. Also makes you think of the week that could’ve been!

  • Story of my sad year continues – bought in Barlow gets injured. Broke the bank to get Rocky in 2 weeks ago instead of Zorko or Docherty – too scared to do the sums of what that has cost me in points and dollars. At least I bought Scott Selwood in when he played his first game but still hurts he is now out for 2/3 weeks. At my current rate my team will be complete this time next season :(

    • Gary, I feel your pain. Focussed too much on getting the trio of Zach,titch and rock rather than waiting to see how he went first week back. All that – scores big coming back from injury, scores big against freo etc. feel I can’t afford to carry the rock any longer given his massive be as I want to preserve some cash for big maxy. Trading out rocky and Micky b this week for treloar and yeo and keeping scooter to see if it is only a week off.

  • You have outdone yourself again Matt with the article..but for some reason your response to Maggie has hit my funny bone even harder!😂

  • Whos trading out Scooter Selwood and who’s holding?

  • Barrett to R. Gray? Straight swap…

  • Great write up again Matt. Shocking week, glad you still had it in you to post the article! I thought I was set with 19 players but couldn’t even manage 1600!
    And I’m with you on the JJ call, can’t watch the bulldogs anymore! If only I didn’t have forced trades he would be straight out!!

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