Hang on to your mullets and raise your cup, we’ve got a special ‘happy hour’ treat as Throwback Thursday throws back a few beers and reclines in the banana lounge for the visual extravaganza / public humiliation known as ‘Mad Monday’. Burp.
Note: This article does not condone the overuse of alcohol &/or shameless inebriation, but will encourage the use of laughter in the face of any professional footballer who gets sloshed and acts like a dick.
(Besides, this weekend’s finishing Round 23 is a bit of a dead rubber unless your Dream Team is playing in your league GF or is one of the 0.01% of teams who might actually win a prize, in which case, good luck).
What we do know is there’s most likely a whole gamut of Geelong multi-premiership players retiring this weekend, which means that this Monday could be the maddest ever. Then again, they’re probably all too old and wise for that now and would rather settle for a mid-strength cider and a packet of chips. But over the last decade Geelong became the undeniable masters of Monday madness – probably in part due to all their Saturday successes – but also because of the maddest contributor of all: Matthew Scarlett.
As an unassuming media-shy but A-grade match-winning defender whom during any glittery functions and awards nights pretty much only excelled behind the scenes, THIS was his annual red carpet moment. Who could ever forget some of his best work including ‘The Hannibal’, ‘The Dermott’, ‘The KB’, or ‘Teen Wolf’? Here are some gentle if not slightly disturbing reminders:
As seen below, we also saw the heart-melting depiction of an infamous lonely ex-footballer who’d also played chaperone and mentor of an impressionable teenager; as their hotel romance spilled all over the news that year and was recaptured by The Cats’ Mitch Duncan and Jimmy Bartel in the most gut-wrenching display since Robert De Niro and Jodie Foster in Taxi Driver… well done lads:
But The Cats weren’t always Best On Ground in the beer garden of post season celebrations. In the mid-1990s that unenviable mantle surely went to Carlton, as they often had plenty to celebrate &/or commiserate and boy, didn’t they just piss it up the wall. Check out these videos if you don’t believe me, or if you just want to remember what THEY really want you to forget – especially Stephen Kernahan. This also shows how relatively subdued The Bombers were as Premiers in ’93, probably because their bloody coach kept hanging around the bar.
Marvel at how young everyone looks!
(File under “B” for Bogans, Beer, Bars, Belching and Blotto):
Finally, a special request: Can someone please dress up as a current-day Eddie McGuire? Especially after a big Collingwood win when his head turns red and swells up to twice its original size. Thank you.