Game of Thrones v AFL Fantasy

game-of-thrones

Hearing Ray Chamberlain refer to Trent Cotchin as “Your Grace” in a recent game at Kings Landing (the MCG) inspired us to immediately draw parallels between our great game and another game, the epic saga, the Game of Thrones.

Who plays who? Who kills who, who smites, who dismembers, and who eats babies? Who is the ruler of the North? Who is an overly pompous bald man? Who is a downright lascivious dirty whore who everyone loves? Who is sly and manipulative, who is open, honest and vulnerable?

Find out in our expose into the true  fantasy world of the AFL in the biggest battle of all time:

The Greatest Game of all vs The Game of Thrones!

Warning: There are some spoilers from the TV show

Jon Snow:  Not really sure where he belongs, a young talented fighter who joined the Knights Watch and carried the team whilst having to fight alongside sub-optimal bretheren.

Callan Ward: Left the WB to join the GWS. His back must be hurting from having to carry the midfield.

snow ward

Snow/Ward

Robert Baratheon:  Once a fearless warrior who became king. He then rested on his laurels and the power that came with the throne went to his head. He became fat.

Buddy Franklin: What has happened to Buddy? After starting the season reasonably well he has averaged a pathetic 63 over the last month prior to the GC game. Most of his owners are probably wishing he gets done by a wild boar.

 buddy robert

King Robert/Buddy

Ned Stark: Was supposed to be the hero and the symbol of the North. That was until he lost his head.

Taylor Walker: Terrible tragedy for one of the main men of the Crows

nedstark tex

Lord Stark/Tex

Joffrey Baratheon: An evil sadist who inflicts suffering for reasons unknown. Perhaps the most despised character in all of television.

Ryan Crowley: Tortures owners every week by shutting down opposition premium midfielders. He has no mercy.

 joffrey crowley

King Joffrey/Crowley

Jamie Lannister: Skillful, confident and the future of the Lannister house. Recently lost his hand but will no doubt play hurt

Joel Selwood: Has been the “chosen one” since he entered the league. An unbeleivable winning %.

 jamie selwood

Jamie/Joel

Tyrion Lannister: Not as skillful as his brother but just as effective given his sharp mind. Uses mind over muscle to get the job done

Scott Selwood: Not as skilful as his older brother so has to use his head rather than skill to be a force. Has developed one of the leagues most potent ducking techniques to get the job done.

 tyrion selwood

Tyrion/Selwood

Rob Stark: The next king. The future of the North. Young, fearless and extremely talented.

Jaeger O’Meara: Is going to be an out and out GUN!

 robstark jaeger

Rob/Jaeger

Theon Greyjoy: Was tired of playing second fiddle and left to become his own man and make his own mark. Wanted to return home, but is now far from home

Kurt Tippett: Hated by his adopted state (SA) since fleeing. Will he return to inflict punishment on his former team like Theon did?

 theon tippett

Theon/Kurt

Jorah Mormont: Once a great knight, branded a traitor and now banished. Has joined forces with Daenaerys with the hope of being part of a resurgent tribe that is now powered by Dragons.

Brendon Goddard: Time will tell if Goddard’s defection will end with a premiership.

 jorah goddard

Jorah/Goddard

Daenerys Targaerean: Cunning and dangerous. Has come from nowhere to lay claim to the throne.

Kane Cornes: Like the old Targarean house, Kane was once a DT king, then disappeared as other up and comers took over his mantle, he’s now returned with a vengence putting up scores as if it’s 2007.

 danareys kornes

Daenerys/Kornes

Margaery Tyrell: Flying under the radar but quietly getting the job done in spectacular fashion

Kieren Jack: Is there a more underrated DTer in the game? 1 score under a ton this yr.

 tyrell jack

Margaery/Kieren

Ros: slut

Stevie J: What more needs to be said? Putting up monster numbers in the Geelong midfield this year.

 ros SJ

Ros/SJ

Tywin Lannister: The lord of Casterly Rock. Despite his advancing age is proving to be a more than formidable opponent. There does not appear to be an end in sight for this stallwart.

Nick Riewoldt: We thought he was too old. We thought his body would break down playing in such a physical position. He’s proved us all wrong though and is amazingly in career best form.

 Twyin Riewoldt

Tywin/Riewoldt

Arya Stark: Annoying

Hayden Ballentyne: Just go away

 arya ballantyne

Arya/Ballantyne

Khal Drogo: Was great while it lasted. Dominant like no other for a brief period.

Justin Westhoff: We all bought in and then got absoltuely f#@*ed

 Drogo Westhoff

Drogo/Westhoff

Petyr Baelish: Doesn’t possess elite sword skills, wasn’t born with physical gifts and didn’t inherit dragons. “Littlefinger” instead relies on his nous to have an impact and get what he wants.

Dane Swan: Like Lord Baelish, Dane wasn’t born with gifts but waddles around a footy ground picking up monster stats. Rose to the top relying on being at the right place at the right time.

 Swan Balysh

Baelish/Swan

Varys: Slowly goes about his work. Underrated and flys under the radar, but gets the job done and gets what he needs.

Pearce Hanley: The 2nd best DT defender yet is only in 1 in 7 teams? Going under the radar it would seem. Picking up DT points with a minimal of fuss.

 Varys Hanley

Varys/Hanley

Cersei Lannister: A Bitch who is constantly complaining

Heath Shaw: As above

 Cersei Shaw

Cersei/Shaw

Got any more ideas for Game of Thrones/DT comparisons? Go to our Twitter page @DTinsider_ and leave your suggestions. The ones best will be re-tweeted!

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34 Comments

  • LAME, and obviously not a fan of Scott Selwood at all are you?

    • *scoffs* take a joke. I’d call it a compliment to be likened to Tyrion’s intellect.

    • Who is a fan of Scott or Adam Selwood. Or Shuey or Hams. I feel contact or am about to be tackled so i drop at the knees. God damn effing joke.
      Only thing lame is your name. And obviously your name is derived from those West Coast boys as they love to drop to their knees so they can swallow some cox

      • Get over it mate, no need to be a sheep with all the eagles bashing. Every team plays for frees. Sick of all whingers, it happens every game if u watch for it.

        No need for a comment like that

      • Not a fan of Joel Selwood mate?

    • Obviously not a fan of game of thrones. Tyrion is the best character.

  • Loras Tyrell: Pretty-boy knight of House Tyrell. Despite having had sexual relationships with his male attendants in the past, he’s now been married off to Cersei against his wishes.

    Grant Birchall: Pretty-boy defender of Hawthorn FC. Also used to ‘dominate the back line’ of our DT teams, however due to annoying ‘tags’ he’s been rendered mostly out of commission.

  • The last one made me chuckle hahah

  • Utterly pointless, but I like it :) Good Monday morning read to distract from DT woes!

  • haha nice work, entertaining article. Scott Selwood, HAH!

  • Lol at Cersei & Shaw

    The picture of Stevie J on the ground following the slut caption is gold!

  • Hehehe loved it

  • Looks-wise, you can’t go past Joffrey and Ollie Wines.

  • lol good work

  • I wish you hadn’t done that to Jaeger O’Meara.

    Would have preferred linking him to J’aqen H’ghar – at your service just when you need him.

  • These are hilarious, maybe weekly segment?…
    Also possibilities from other shows

  • Beau Waters: Could’ve been a king, though decided to f@#k everyone up the ass.
    Renly Baratheon: See above.

  • Sansa Stark: Young, fair haired and beautiful. Taken into the Lannister house as a key member and leader of the new realm. Turned out to be simple, plain and lacking in character. Fell out of favour with the king and now used as a pawn in efforts to strengthen the waning power of his house as other realms plot his downfall.

    Jack Watts: Young, fair haired, the first picked from draft camp as a key member and leader of the resurgent Melbourne. Turned out to be simple, plain and lacking in character. Fell out of favour with the coach and will be used as trade bait in vain efforts to strengthen the waning power of their club as other clubs plot their downfall.

  • Hahaha love the Ros/Stevie J comparrison. Short and to the point!

    But man Game of Thrones really turns to a pile of crud in ‘A Feast for Crows’, after the first 3 epic books.
    Have to give credit to the HBO screen writers for really tidying up George RR Martin’s mess for the on-screen adaptation. They really cut out a lot of ridiculous & unecessary characters.

    • Also K Jack has now dipped below 100 twice this year, with a 99 this week (5 frees against! only a couple legit so shouldve been 108-114) . But that’s nit-picking I know.. still practically a ton.

    • Kidding me. The tv series is a load of tripe

      • In some ways. In other ways the book have too much filler crap, which the series has cut down. Overall I prefer the books. Was just sayin’.

  • Bran Stark -> Daniel Menzel. All the talent in the world, some issues with the legs tho :P

  • This is god damn hilarious, great work lads

  • Traded off, sold off for marriage for the largest price, even bringing her dad along with her, is simply to naive to actual do anything about it, but has the position to maybe do sonething in the future.

    Sansa Stark is Tom Scully.

  • Dane Swan — Samwell Tarley

    A bit soft around the midsection, loves a good feed, but you cant help but like him.

  • Greatest DT article EVER!

  • its a bit harsh to have his two brothers and forget adam so…

    sandor clegane: has a head that resembles a smashed crab
    adam selwood: see above

  • Zac Dawson: That kid who is still breastfeeding at like 11. I’m guessing the mother (Lady Stark’s sister) is Ross Lyon??