An open letter to… Ross Lyon

Dear Mr Lyon,

I write to you on behalf of AFL Dream Team coaches everywhere. We, as a collective group are concerned with the way that you (possibly unintentionally but more than likely deliberately) mess with our minds each and every week. Specifically, I would like to bring your attention to a Mr Greg Broughton.

During the entire preseason (which we understand means nothing to you), Greg played in the midfield for your new team, the Fremantle Dockers. His time there drew tremendous results. He won clearances, was influential on games, and he raked up disposals. It was encouraging to see that he also trained with the midfield group during the entire preseason competition.

Now in case you are not aware (you bloody well are), there is a game that over a quarter of a million Australian’s (more people than those watching Excess Baggage) play each and every week, called AFL Dream Team. We, the general public (and a couple of drunk guys from Tasmania), select players based on their form and ball winning ability (or just bad hunches – See ‘WarneDawgs’) in a team of players we feel could have an impact on the competition. These players score points for marks, kicks, tackles and the like during their games, all of which contribute to an overall team score. Points however are not scored by players for standing in the back pocket poking an opposition player in the ribs for 120 minutes to distract them from getting the ball. This brings me to my point.

You have gone so far as to name Mr Broughton on several occasions as playing on the ball. This is very encouraging to us coaches, many of whom live and breathe Dream Team. Then, come game day, you decide that Mr Broughton is no longer a match winning clearance player, but a blade-of-grass counting defender. This frustrates us. So much so that many coaches took only two weeks of your continuous last minute change of heart (misguided bullshit more like it) to trade Mr Broughton out of their teams. We were hurt, but copped it on the chin as we knew Mr Broughton had a tendency to be a great surface inspector, particularly in the defensive fifty.

Clearly you were also frustrated by Mr Broughton’s lack of possessions that you then proceeded to name Mr Broughton on the bench. This not only vindicated our concerns with him, but in fact encouraged us to part ways with him. However; you then proceed to again have a change of mind (you lying son-of-a…) and thrust Mr Broughton into the midfield five minutes into a match, where he proceeds to roam without an opponent for the next two hours. In fact, you did this two weeks in a row! You are clearly not a nice man.

I will concede that your coaching style effective (as well as really bloody boring to watch), and it is effective; netting you wins in 65% of your games as coach for St Kilda (you know, the team Zac Dawson used to play for). Sadly, this is where the joy ends for us Dream Team coaches (especially as you gave Dawson a new home). Broughton may not have the biggest tank in the midfield (but hey, you selected John ‘Red Vest’ Anthony for a run), or the most accurate disposal (then again, you used to play Raph Clarke out of defence), but for all of the Dream Team coaches out there, would you stop with the bloody lies.

I mean, Nat Fyfe popped his shoulder out; the bone in his arm left the socket connecting it to his body. He couldn’t move his arm at training, was being flown around the country to see when he would require surgery and yet you persistently said all week that he would play less than a week after him hurting it. Then you decide to let everyone know sixty minutes before (which granted is more notice than you gave the Saints that you were leaving) lock-out that he wouldn’t be playing. How bloody hard is it to tell the truth? Yes, phonetically lying is in your name, but phonetically Phouc Yeu (Chinese Philosopher who proclaimed that lying is bad)!

I’ve had it. Lachie Neal makes his debut, someone you’re high up on (means a lot, see: Dawson), starts in the green vest, he plays barely five minutes in the last quarter, and yet you had John ‘The Red Vest’ Anthony on the field running around like a child at a playground who had taken a blow to the head. I mean, Neale got 17 bloody points in his debut! What sort of price rise will that give us? Sam Gilbert got a bigger rise out of Nick Reiwoldt! For the love of all things holy (see: Garry Ablett Junior), stop making our life difficult, football boring and suggesting that Zac ‘Lurch’ Dawson is talented. Oh, and just play Broughton in the midfield.

Sincerely,

The AFL Dream Team Community

Ps. Your personal best Dream Team season was in 1994 when you scored 68.3 points. That’s bad. Tambling over Franklin bad!

45 Comments

  • Great article. Witty and clever

    First

    • Great First. Before 2nd & after 0th.

      Well played

    • Cheers mate. Looking at making this a regular article, giving people something to look at other than Delta or The Block on a Monday night.

      If anyone is on twitter, feel free to give me a follow: @RLGriffin85

      • It’s theraputic, love it.

        • I dont see a problem with whats going on at Freo.

          Oh and Ross, thanks for those secret emails on Thursdays *thumbs up*

          (Still have Broughton, didn’t have Fyfe)

  • Hahaha love it! Thanks RLGriffen

  • love this, great work

  • I’m one of those coaches that jumped off the Broughton rollercoaster after round 2. So far its been a wasted trade thanks to Hurns 20 odd on the weekend.

    • +1

      Hurn to scotland this week

    • +2 I went on stats for Hurn and the team he was playing for rather than reading more about him. Just brought Stanton in, so everyone who has him should now change to Redden as he will now score 160 and Stanton only 25.

      Grumble, mutter, Lyon goes to the top of “the list”

  • sixth!!!!

  • Hahaha, great read!

  • We demand answers Ross!

  • you are clearly not a nice man. lol gold

  • HAHA great article mate !

    Would love Broughton to stay in the midfield and pump out an average of maybe 120? Not too much to ask! Traded Fyfe out last week for Mitch Robbo so hoping that he goes under the knife and will provide us with a massive bargain in 2013 ! What are people’s thoughts on picking up Neale next week? Maybe Miles instead? Thoughts?

    • DT is Gold, but wanting a player to go under the knife because he was traded……….lets have a reality check people………….this is a players career we are talking about.

      I can respect hoping he doesn’t play well when u trade him………….lets not cross that line.

      IMO

      • In all honesty, I think Fyfe taking the year off and getting his shoulder sorted will be far better for him long term. Obviously the kid is driven though and wants to play.

      • Yer no joke aye, too far Ryan

        • Really Ryan hoping a players out for the year because you made the mistake of tradin him out…. I’m sure you’d be pretty annoyed if someone was hoping your clubs best player is out for the year

    • I am so with you Ryan, I hope Fyfe gets carved up by the doctors…. do the other shoulder while you are there boys, don’t tell him just do it while he is under, then when he wakes up he can get him self extra fit by hitting the gym for 10 months, down heaps of protein shakes, bulk up, but most importantly get a hair cut.
      Then we all pick him first in our DT for around 400,00k……….too easy

  • Very very funny!! I traded him out and now check his score every five minutes hoping I am vindicated! No such luck so far! F$&king prick!

  • As long as Broughton is running around the midfield racking up points, im happy for Ross to also field Dawson (Raph Clarke 2.0) – who would have to be in contention for the biggest spud in the AFL.

    • i see your zec dawson, and raise you ryan schoenmakers.

      but it is a very close race

  • If anyone knows Ross Lyon personally or works at the Fremantle Football Club, please forward this onto him IMMEDIATELY!!!

    Pure gold Griffo! Like picking Robinson over Whitecross gold!

  • Kept Broughton because trades are gold and sometimes you just have to trust your gut.

    After two weeks of laughter at my expense, I’ve had two great weeks of laughter at my friends….. Please don’t f*** this up for me Ross.

    • You know this year will be not alot different to any other year for us Broughton owners. I am confident that he will be a bit more consistant this year though.

  • Griffo gold! yeah i rode the broughton train for 2 rnds and jumped the hell off! and onto birchall who got a knee knock and was subbed out and missed around along with shaw doin a hammy. I WAS SOOOO BETTER OFF ON THE BROUGHTS TRAIN.

  • Lost on the last page……..am i jumping the gun??

    I have 21 trades left and i am seriously thinking –
    Smith- Pfeiffer DPP
    Moving Fyfe into the mids for Pfeiffer, then
    Fyfe to Stanton/ Rockliff/ Mitchell/ Thompson/ Barlow- leaving me 19 trades …

    Tell me why i shouldn’t and if you agree how do you think is best value out of the mids mentioned….I like Barlow, but plan to get him for Magner when he peaks…..hopefully he won’t be to high by then…

  • ablett just said:
    doctor reckons 2-3 weeks but i reckon i’ll play before that

  • OK I’m gonna vent here,

    Why the hell to people think that Broughton playing in the mids means he will score well?

    Maybe if you took your eyes off the computer screen to actually watch the footy, you would realise that Broughton went through his DT purple patch playing in the back pocket, racking up 10 +6’s each match through switching across the backline.

    Ever since he replaced Crowley as the nominated tagger in the mids he has gone downhill! Although not in such a bad way, just less consistent as he was in the back line.

    The next person who complains about him not starting in the midfeild will get glassed Perth style with a bottle of EB to the face, such that they will be winning Shane Smeltz lookalike comps willy nilly.

    Rant over.

    • Actually, last year Broughton’s best score playing an entirely defensive role in defence was 67. It’s his burst from defense through the middle that gets him the points. This usually happens when he is up on the wing.

      • IMO.

      • Yes fair point, but the key words is defensive role. His time in the midfield is generally as a defensive role, and if you’re too busy following someone in another jumper, it doesn’t give you time to feel up and be a link up player with +6s 2010 style.

        IMHO stick with Broughton! Ross Lyon’s game plan should see the tagger rack up those tackles, even though he will be pretty inconsistent (e.g. Clint jones). And inconsistency didn’t stop 140,000 people picking buddy did it!

    • I am actually getting really sick of Broughton being named in the midfield but not playing there :/

      • Broughton played through the midfield this week. Mundy, Sandilands and Barlow started at pretty much every bounce, and the fourth guy was either Pav, Broughton or Mzungu.

  • Ross Lyon is this era’s Dean Laidley…..

  • In the blue corner Fyfe owners are wide-eyed with hope that the Champ can get through the bout unscathed. In the red corner Broughton owners look around pensively and give their PK a good work out waiting for what they hope will be the final blow. Those with both hang around the exits staring at the ground and listening to the crowd noise.

  • Sucks to be all who did trade Broughts out.

    Sucks even more to those who traded Broughts out for Dempsey.

    Suck even more to those who now have to use another trade to get Broughts back.

    HA HA……….

  • Nice aricle loved it!

  • Gold , ~ : ) >

  • legend article, not a broughton owner but i hate his tactics he had with fyfe and his other players, thank god it was a friday night game and i was able to drop him for sidebottom who pumped out that lovely score!

  • This line is genius for anyone who had seen the man play: John ‘The Red Vest’ Anthony on the field running around like a child at a playground who had taken a blow to the head.

    Hair on!

    Hairyman

  • I truly hope that Ross Lyon reads this.