Married to Lock Out

March 24, 2012. What an important day. A day of commitment, a day in which all this pre-season stress, research and knowledge culminates to a climax which will shape you. I’ll be sweating; I’ll be hoping I made the right decision. March 24 – Lockout, it’s what it’s all about. Oh, and I’ll also be getting married.

2:00pm

As I patiently wait at the end of the church aisle on that fateful day, I’ll be thinking of everything I could have, everything yet to be. The spring chickens I could score with to only trade in later for a better model, the more mature types I know I could count on for an easy ride all season. Lost opportunities not taken with DPP. Praise Sweet Merciful Jesus that I had a few drinks before hand to calm the nerves.

I mean, I’ll be holding in everything I can to avoid ripping a smart-phone out of the father-in-laws pocket and making those last second trades. To his disgust I’ll proclaim that: “Yes I love your daughter, but give me your damn phone! I’ve decided Magner the Magnet is worth the wait and I want him back! I never should have let him go.”

4:00pm

It won’t get easier from there. Off to have photos taken in a remote part of the countryside that barely gets reception. As I hovel behind a bush I’ll search the AFL website for any news of last minute changes to the sides. Oh God, what if Devon Smith is the sub? Do I trade him out for Hapmton on my forward line, or switch him to the middle and bring in Saad?

Damn. The subs are still not up! I wish I didn’t pay so much for this damn photographer. How the hell can a photographer charge $800 an hour anyway? That’s Tom Scully money! And worse, unlike Tom he’s proven he’s worth the cash. If he gets a shot of me checking my phone out here my wife will kill me. Quick put it away, there’s still time to work this out. Better have another drink.

6:00pm

It’s getting serious now. Soon I will be surrounded by dozens of my family members and friends. They will all see it on my face. “He went the one ruck and rookie starting combo, the fool” they’ll say. “And the one ruck is HMac? What an idiot!”

And they’ll be right. What was I thinking? Starting the season without Cox? Talk about reasons to hand over your man card… If I still had it! It’s in my wife’s clutches now. Look at her in the back seat of this limo, so proud to land me. Damn, she’s hot! I wonder if we have time… No focus… I’d like to take her out back and… Uh oh. The alcohol is kicking in, this is going to get bad.

6:30pm

I need to score, badly. Heater! That’s the answer! He’s an idiot I know but I’m drunk and desperate, I have to get Heath Shaw into my squad. I know I said never again, but since when did I pay attention to that. I rode Higgins for the past two seasons. If I don’t get Heater in I’ll be married to Brian Lake for the rest of the season. Brian Lake! Last season the guy made the Monty Pythons Black Knight look like he was untouchable! I’m tipsy yes, but the guy is held together with pop-sticks and glue. Maybe if I just sneak off to the bathroom…

7:15pm

What happened to the time? I’ve been trying to log on to the Dream Team website with the sneaky under the bridal table mobile check, and the continuous bathroom breaks for the last forty minutes! I knew this would happen. All the Noobs out there who don’t know what they’re doing making last second trades! Unlike me, I know what I have to do. Drop Robertson, bring in Porplyzia. That’ll give me room to upgrade Lake to Heater and… Shit! Who are the subs?

Never mind. It’s finally loaded. Time to make the…

“Ladies and Gentleman, it’s time for the groom to make a toast to his lovely bride.”

That’s it. It’s over! Lockout.

7:20pm

“Hi everyone.

I’d like to thank you all for coming along today.

Let me just say that, the bride looks beautiful.

Just like marriage, the first lockout of the Dream Team season can define your very existence. Have you made the right choice? Are you banking on your heart or your head? Once you commit and you lock it away for the rest of the season, that’s it, it’ll cost you a lot in the long run to trade out an underperformer.

Luckily for me, I’ve found myself a winner. A great girl with a wonderful smile, and an unbreakable fascination for Goodsey. Her first chosen every year, he never lets you down, even if he does come home stronger than he starts.

Ladies and Gentleman, a toast – to Goodsey, I mean, the bride! – Sorry honey”

The Moral Of The Story

When March 24 rolls around, this GWS boy will marry his Sydney Swans girl, and I’ll be forever locked out. I’m not worried though, I know I’ve got it right. I’ve thought about any byes, should avoid rotation policies, and if I can keep my head in, I shouldn’t be suspended. How about you? Have you got it right?

Your season could be made here. Cold feet? Itchy trade finger? By March 24 make sure you’re ready, cause after lockout, you’re done.

Best of luck to everyone this season, and keep dreaming!

53 Comments

  • Cute :)

    • For what its worth the Port guy posted before the crows guy ;)

    • CONGRATULATIONS RLGRIFFEN.

      I love DT but beware .. thers not much comeback to the following comment from your new wife ….. You couldnt let it be for just one bloody day!!!!

      DT will have to take a serious back seat. Lock it in the night before and if it doesnt work out.. sooo be it!!

  • Your a funny,funny man RL Griffin. Nicely done :)

  • Still puzzled as to how Dr Dream Team made it onto the Bridal Table.

  • 2 words…

    toilet…lock.

    • At least then you can claim your “nervous” and just need a minute to gather yourself!

  • Great work Griff. Bloody brilliant. Can picture it now.

  • Poor planning by the AFL starting the season on your wedding.

  • Not bad.
    Rolls, not roles.

    I get where you’re coming from. Which rooks will be named? Should I fit another GWS player in? Am I crazy starting without Swan? Should I get on the dangermouse train? It’s all heating up. Soon we won’t be able to endlessly trade…..it’s getting real.

    Good luck on Saturday. :)

  • great write up!

  • Simple doses the bride with some ipecac syrup. Just Kidding. If he can’t pick his team means great chance of all of us to win the car.

  • Lol, awesome article mate. I’ve got my bro’s wedding on Saturday and intend to have the Galaxy fully charged and a lengthy ‘toilet break’ scheduled 30 mins before lockout!

  • Question. After Lockout. Will all GWS/Syd players be locked into whatever position they are untiln after the total completion of the round.
    I.E if Shiel is M8 & scores 118 can we say, this time next week swap him with Magnet who is M6 in this model.
    Or the reverse. Shiel is M6 & is subbed after scoring 59 and Magnet is M8 & selected in Melb’s team…Can we swap or are we stuck?

  • Great read Griff!
    Best of luck for the big day…don’t be nervous, you’ll be fine! Oh, and I hope the wedding is a success as well! :P

  • Well played Sir, well played indeed.

  • Congratulations mate. Best of luck.

  • Gold!
    Pure freakin gold!!

    I think weve all had a situation like that…..I’ll be racing home during the Tea break of my cricket clubs GF on saturday to sort out my team before lockout.

    To all of you who will be suffering the same stress, I wish you best of luck.

    I wonder if we could start a petition calling for the last hour before DT Lockout to be officially known as the “Ignore wife/girlfriend Hour”???

    • Seriously considering buying my wife and daughter movie tickets for Saturday afternoon, that should buy me three hours.

  • Great stuff. Made me laugh, and get nervous for you too.

    Gee, your wife is a lucky woman!! :-D

    Hope the results don’t influence your wedding nite too much.

  • Great read, so excited for Dream Team and the season :D

  • Loved it. Good luck on the weekend in both your endeavours!

  • Bahahaha good stuff RL! All the best for Saturday :)

  • Over the years i have seen a lot of good articles come out from the boys – this is the best article Ive read for a long time because i think it represents to everyone on how much we love,breed,eat,sleep our dream teams – Ive been in meetings at work, doing the grocery’s and even driving when I’m thinking whether to take Swan or Pendles – or will Tomilson get a game or am i stupid for having Magner on the bench making no points.. and when doing the above tasks sometimes i may log on to the team and make that sneaky trade!!

    Congrats mate – i wish you all the best!!! and to my fellow DTeamers – alllow yourself just 30mins on Sat to go over every player to see what impact he will have on your team, go over NAB performances and most importantly trust your instincts ;)

  • RL great read and good luck mate with DT and the wedding. My only advice is when u r asked will you take ur bride to be ur lawful wedded wife… Rememeber NOT TO SAY…. I WILL TRADE!

  • Congratulations, all the best for the big day ;)

  • RL great stuff mate – Gold.

    However i have a more important dilema – got VIP tickets to the finals of the Margaret River Masters – including a trip out on a jet ski to watch the event from the water on Sat pm. Just hope the event is over well before lock out otherwise i am going to have to put my computer into a plastic bag!!!

  • Funny stuff, I hope for your good wife’s sake your captain scores well, cause “oh yeah” If he does so will the blushing bride…..

  • A conversation starter..from the giants I have bugg, premium priced rookie coolio coniglio & clifton, giles & smith all ‘locked’ (of course subject to final team this thursday!! Treloar is a possible late call up to living the dream.
    How many giants players do we have in our teams at this early stage before lockout?
    For what it’s worth, I just can’t wait for goodes to dominate this weekend

    • I have 5 locked and loaded.

      Darley, Palmer, D.Smith, Giles, and Wilson

      • Up must have either gone to school with, be related to or perhaps married to wilson to selectk him!
        Never heard of him before now, must be better options for rd 1 lockout. Palmer could be good, but I’m expecting a spanking from sydney & thus cautious on too many gws

        • grew up with wilson hes a friend but the boy can play trust me, kicked first 2 goals against the hawks and he can run boy oh boy he can run

          • and being from WA i saw palmer in his first season when he got rising star and the only other option freo had was peter bell and palmer surpassed him and carried freo in his debut season absolutely chopped then had bad injuries/injuring other people so im hoping he recaptures that form

    • I’ve got Bugg and Darley in Def, Giles in Ruck, D Smith in Fwd and Old Mac, Shiel (if named) and Kennedy in the Mids. 7 all up lock and loaded pending being named

      • Sheil if he is named is tempting but would have to be at clifton.s expense. Wish I had the balls to bring in junior, tho I’m defo gonna go with my gut on that 1 & lave the assistant coach out at this early stage.

        Any 1 going to izzy for a guaranteed E option & 30 points each week? Better than nothing!
        Cheers guys

  • I have cold feet of a non wedding type, can i truly declare the season to marty (i’m back) clark holding down a defensive position or am i Wasting $40,000? thoughts

    • Keep the faith, the paddy lad is surely good for 65+ thats all u can ask of d6 early on, possible upgrade to lids goddard or enright round 6 ish

      • my cold feet is due to whether he’ll play? buckley is a much better option in my opinion and with yagmoor im not confident, ill be sweating on the team sheets all week

  • Great write up Grif. Just confirming and tell me if I’m wrong but is next Thurs nite a partial lockout too with the full lockout coming into play next Fri nite?

  • Brilliant read! And congratz for your big day! Im sure your GWS rookies wont be the only one scoring that night! :P

    I unfortunately am one of the few rare 21yr olds who dont own a smartphone yet!
    We’re having our first scratchie and footy season launch down at the club, and by around lockout hopefully one of my mates are boozed up enough so I can steal/borrow one of their iphones!

    Damn AFL DT servers better not crash that day as well..

  • ha ha, classic. Good luck for the weekend, thanks for all your work this pre season!

  • Congrat’s Griff! You’re lucky bride-to-be is a SWANS supporter! Oh, derby night’s are gonna be interesting mate! Very amusing write up by the way.

    “Brian Lake! Last season the guy made the Monty Pythons Black Knight look like he was untouchable!” ROFL

    All the best on the day!

  • Great Read.

    It’s raised a question with me – i’d looked straight past Heath Shaw all pre-season – i’ve never had him in my side – but im starting to think “shawly” the bloke has grown up abit and isnt gonna go make any stupid off-field mistakes again this year!!?

    I’m now thinking Goddard out Shaw in?? THoughts?

    (*pun intended.)

  • An absolute classic Griff. I think most of us here can relate.

    At least the game is not being played on your wedding night. Imagine trying to get your bride to consumate after GWS has just gone 1-0 up over Sydney! At least you will get a couple away before that happens now. ;)

    We’ll expect a follow up email detailing all the times you have been busted checking DT scores on your honeymoon! Hope you are not going somewhere remote with no internet access.

  • All the best for the big day by the way. Time goes twice as fast on your wedding day so make sure those final trades are done.

  • So… is she hot?

    • Is Heath Shaw a moron, Missy Higgins fragile, or Dane Swan a Dream Team whore? Damn straight.

  • RL – that was one of the best DT write ups this year. I could picture in my head every scenario you were going through and I could only imagine the agony I would be going through given the same circumstances.
    First things first – Congratulations ! It’s not every day you get married and once lock out takes place you can then enjoy the rest of the night. Once the game is over, you can mull over the results and then decide whether or not Goodsey’s 145 points (your VC) will be good enough to put the “C” on Magner. Probably fair to say that the Swans having won by 123 points will put the missus in a good mood. You might be a fair chance later tonight. Speaking from experience – enjoy it now. Things will only go down hill from Sunday, but then again that’s why we have Dream team.
    I can only imagine that when the AFL draw came out late last year, you must have been trying to find a church & reception hall that had a vacancy a week earlier?
    Seeing as how the missus is a true blooded Swannie tell her to join my “True Bloods” DT league – 189988.
    She can then tell us how the honeymoon went.
    Have a great day.
    Mick

  • Congrats mate. I got married only a couple of months ago, and I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I agreed to a January wedding knowing that we’d be back from the honeymoon well before the season started.

    The day will be everything that you imagine it to be, and then some. Enjoy it mate. There’s nothing more breathtaking than seeing your bride walk down the aisle towards you.

  • Congrats Griff. Hope it’s not awkward on your wedding night if gws are 100 points down :)

  • Get out while there’s still time :P
    Good luck Griff all the best.