The Dream Team Widow

I hope you all looked after the missus over Christmas; I hope you bought her that thing she really wanted… did you go out over summer and have a drink with her boring friends and smile whilst doing so? Did you hold hands while going down the shops? I sure hope so, because you need those credits built up…

We all know what’s coming, and deep down she knows what’s coming… DT is coming.

DT turns her once loving boyfriend into a deceitful, lying, distant, hollow shell of a boyfriend. The guy who over summer sat and eyeballed her over dinner conversation is now smiling and nodding as he sneaks a look at his phone under the table. When summer boyfriend was eager to go out on Sunday afternoon for a drink with her wicked stepsisters, DT boyfriend makes excuses and ends up on the couch watching an entire Port Adelaide game on TV. And worryingly summer boyfriend who caters for her every intimate need now tries to sneak a quick one in at quarter time during a Friday night game, or worse still will just leave the game on in the background.

Forget about chores being done, DT boyfriend sits by the laptop all weekend. Not only this but he needs the footy on TV as well…so in effect he is monopolising the entire lounge room. When she finally cracks the shits and demands the laptop shut because he’s laughed out loud at a comment somebody made in the forum that’s when tensions rise… He’s anxious, He’s tapping his feet…he wants to know the +3’s, she knows he wants to know the +3’s but she leaves him to hang in purgatory, while watching gossip girl…

I’m not normally a liar, but when I sneak my laptop into the toilet with me it’s my only real option… it’s the only place I can get a seconds peace! If the bathroom is good enough to be the Fonz’s office its good enough to be mine.

There’s something undignified about sitting in a restaurant toilet during dinner on a Friday night just to get some DT scores without retribution. So I’m going for a new angle now… If I can build up enough summer credits I can only hope they last well into the DT season. I’d hoped to make the killer blow on Valentine’s Day, but plans have now changed… DT has opened early, I can’t miss out on that tinker time…could be crucial… What if somebody mentions a rookie on the forum and I miss it?? They may call him by a new nickname and I’ll come back a day later and not know who everyone is talking about… I just can’t take that risk!

To be honest I hit the jackpot this summer, My girlfriends friend just got a boyfriend… and he’s a DTer…just like me, this should be awesome. We can team up and sneak scores together, we can play a zone, one can distract while the other checks. Jeez I hope it works out for those 2…

As I speak it’s already started… the lying, I’m tinkering with my team and she asks what I’m doing… “ahh just a few emails” Why did I need to lie? Because I don’t want to use up any credits just yet, I’ll save them for when it’s real.

Good luck fellow Dream Teamers, I hope your relationship lasts the year out…

55 Comments

  • It pains me to say this but…. first “FIRST” ever!

  • Heh, great read. Good thing that I’ve never met a woman who could put up with me long enough for someone to call us a couple – I ain’t skipping that Port Adelaide game for anybody! The prospect of something stopping me from staring at the live points tally all weekend sounds like a terrifying nightmare, or perhaps the tenth circle of hell.

  • Hahaha very funny article. My husband did the smart thing and found someone as addicted to DT as himself! Great fun, but probably quite rare. Woo 1 week til NAB Cup!!!

    • just in case you and your husband dont work out…….

    • Me and my fiance are both DT tragics as well. It was a really tight season last year with me whooping his ass all year only to do the unthinkable and “let him” beat me in the Final. I’ve been plotting my revenge since December :)

  • Quality article, my laptop just doesn’t shut over the weekend fanfooty becomes my life!

  • So F#%king true! I’m glad Im not alone Adzman! But lets be honest is there such a thing as banking credits???? Not in my lifetime! I could be the best husband ever for six months but as soon as I do something wrong, woooosho! Im back to zero! Ha Ha

    Let me share with you some of the techniques I’ve developed to help my wife with the transition from cricket to footy season! Because in our household there are only two seasons! ha ha.

    Firstly I went and bought another 50 inch Plasma for the once “gym” room and ordered another Foxtel box “for the kids” to watch their shows.. Tick!

    I then start to drip feed her infomation about the impending lack of interest on my part of things general ly not relation to Dream Team! This would start with something like ” wow Ive already got an email about a Hawthorn open training session. Lets take the kids down to training love to get some autographs! This works great when I actually want to start “Rookie Watch.

    At Christmas time I make sure my missus buys the prospectus for me! And when the Record is out I ask her to run around to all the newsagenies to get a copy. (All about making her feel apart of it!)

    Next I get my brother in laws involved in a league so the missus feels part of the same thing when her sisters moan about their husbands!

    Finally every Friday and Saturday night is “Mummy’s Night! “Go out Love, Catch up with your friends” All the whils she knows I just want to watch the footy , but does she care? No way, she is going out!!!

    Apart from that its Lie, Lie, Lie!!!

    Mmmm speaking of which Im off to watch the Bulldogs this morning to see how Lake is travelling in their intra club match.

    “Darling, Im off to do some quotes for work!” Lie, Lie, Lie!!!!

    • Sorry about typeos and grammer! No time to proof read. The missus was coming!!!!

    • +1 Adzman doesn’t know how good he has it!!! I get credited for being an asshole and that’s about it!

    • nice kev, “mummys night” lol. Let us know how lake looks.

      • Andy, I wish I had some really good stuff to say about Lake. I watched him for a half and cannot remember him touching it.. He played at full back for most of the time but did go for a run along the wing.
        I guess its only a intra club match. Hopefully we get a better look during NAB Cup.

        At this stage he is a no for me.

    • Funniest comments ever! Laughed my ass off!

      It reminds me of going back to the shops because I ‘forgot something’ and sliding into the Pub to watch the last quarter of footy!

      I had never thought to try and train them hahahahahahaah

    • Haha..quality Kev…so true

  • I don’t have to worry about this because I only mate in the off season. We are having a good preseason now.

  • Top article!

  • I’ve been participating in fantasy sports full on since for the past 20 years. Somehow I’ve managed to stay married for 31 years to the same person, and raise 4 kids (all adults now). I’m not rich. I reckon I should consider myself very lucky indeed.

  • Well done adz. So true.

  • Classic article … I symapthise … Luckily the wife is a footy tragic too. She doesnt give a rats about DT but understands the obsession. My 2 older kids play so I reckon that is a contributing factor. But Ive been playimg fanstasy sports snce the Australian had the manual phone version man that took time … Thank god for the internet, tragically I too must visit the toilet smart phone in hand to get some quiet time.

  • Hahahaha. I have just put a small tv w dvd player for wifey. I have the big screen and the puta for my DT season. Not sure if it is totally going to succeed but my plan B is to put in another Foxtel box and hook it up in bedroom.
    Do you think my plans will work?

    • Yeah I reckon its the plan distraction & deflection …. hahahaha my wife has taken over the laptop on a Family tree mission so apart from the loss of the laptop (phone & desktop will have to suffice) I’m set. Theres that word Foxtel … we don’t have it aaaaaaaahhhhhhh …. have to rely on free too air, internet and Telstra TBox

      • You need foxtel mate. Another of my approaches is to change from the sports package to whatever my wife wants in the off season. It means I miss some cricket but so be it! Wife happy watching her crappy dramas n movies in the off season!

        • Yeah I know I know I’m incomplete at the moment … since the Netball went to free to air, freeview having more channels for the kids and the wife, I don’t have that strong an argument anymore … got to free up some cash (1 income and too many kids hahahahaha ) … got a plan but I’ll likely miss NAB Cup

    • My 4 yr old daughter says Puta, she also asks if I am watching cricket when the footy is on and vice versa. I am sure they are born with a “no idea” gene.

  • Quality article. The old iPhone in the toilet trick, just to laugh at someone picking Folau in their starting line up. Ah happy days!

    She who must be obeyed has already resigned herself to a long winter of discontent. Here is a trick for young players… If by chance the better half is preggers… She pretty much forgets everything… So just run with the..
    Me: just logging on to check dream team
    Her: didn’t you do that last night
    Me: no sweetheart, I was downloading Greys Anatomy for you…remember?
    Her: (not wanting to say that she can’t remember and appear ungrateful) umm oh yeah thank you….have fun dream teaming.
    Me: check and mate (sh@t did I think that or say it?)

    • They never forget you knocked them up.

    • God, just found out that i’m going to be pregnant all season. I hope it doesn’t mess with my memory. I can see it already.
      Me at 6am saturday morning: Oh my god, did i do my team last night?
      BF: Yes, i saw you do it.
      Me: Are you sure?
      BF: Yes you definitely did it.
      Me: I Better get up and make sure (run to office, trip on 2yr old’s toys, blame BF and yell at him)
      BF: I told you, you did it!
      Me: Trust goes out the window during DT season!

  • classic …. I must admit downloading of the Mrs favourite shows has been the greatest revelation in history

  • It’s good to know that I’m not the only one who carries the shame of being a DT toilet checker.

  • My strategy is to bombard her early with questions about dream team. By the time the real stuff starts she’s out the door and shopping for 4hrs at the slightest hint of footy.

  • Summer morning shits were made less boring by the quick check of deck of dt… I work in an office so get to do “most” of my pre season dt’ing at work to make sure I’m not in the bad books prior to seasons start.
    The amount of dinners I have “ruined” by checkin dt is endless!! I get to the stage I just sit the phone on the table at the restraunt an just keep clicking refresh… In anticipation of a +6 combo!

    1week!!! Shit yeah!!!

  • You know you are in trouble when you have to pretend to be sending your wife widget #36 in farmville so as to get some DT time :)

  • so true. i am already in the shit for my research hours

  • RMT

    Green Ninja

    Backs: Goddard, Broughton, Grimes, T Armstrong, Lake, M Dea, M Clarke (Smedts, Wilkes)

    Mids: GAJ, Mitchell, Thompson, Watson, K Stevens, (Zorko, Sheil)

    Ruck: Sandi, Berger, (Big O, Giles)

    Forwards: Chapman, D Martin, Zaka, J Brown, Porp, A Saad, T Walsh (Treloar, Rowe)

    ? are Chapman > Buddy
    Armstrong & Dea > Delidio & Morris

    $33 left

  • The Key to a successful DT season without losing the mrs is to spoil her rotten on Valentines Day. Fancy dinner, a bit of jewelry and a thoughtful card and you’re set, for a good 3 months or so!

    • wow ur mrs is easy to please (i guess she did end up with u) lol jk

      A spoiled night out for gives me credit for about 1 night…maybe into the next day but definetely not 3 months

      I found the key is to get 2 laptops and let the mrs browse shopping websites. it might cost a bit of money in dresses but it is worth it

  • I feel like I’m the only girl in Australia who is in the complete opposite boat. My boyfriend could not give a rats about me or my dream team. When he saw the DT record in my room yesterday, he knew he had lost me for the next 8 months.

  • Thinking about changing my team name to DivorceBeWithYou!

  • This afternoon I am making ‘a’ pre-NAB Cup team to post up tomorrow night. After this, I will be making someone feel very special with their WAG team… I am very romantic!

    We’re a little bit lucky because we can say that “Dream Team is work for us, sweetheart”… Roy won a TV a couple of years ago from the Sport927 league, so he has that as great credits for the ample hours spent on DT.

    The iPad I bought for my GF for xmas is getting a workout this pre-season… by me. -20 credits.

  • I could give you blokes some tips on just exactly how to get the brownie points up for the NAB Cup and home and away season but I’d rather watch you all sit there and squirm while I blissfully pull out my mobile phone, laptop or PC when ever I want.

    Buwahahahah.

    • I think that deep down in side every guy knows the secret to uninterrupted time in front of the TV, with the lap top watching live games with live stats and NO distractions …….. it’s called SHOPPING!!. Just send her out the door with your blessing and she will come to love the footy season like my wife has.

  • Won my cash League at work a couple of years back and gave the $500 to the missus as a “thank you for all the pain I’d put you through”. Was worth every cent. It’s not about the dollars. It’s about the mark, kick goal (+12) on a Saturday night.

  • Lucky I have a workaholic for a mrs…. ;)

  • Very good article Adzman, however they can forget the past deeds easily and it may require a more “drip feed” approach, every fortnight or so a special dinner or gift, these serve as distractions and buy a few more days.

  • What if somebody mentions a rookie on the forum and I miss it?? They may call him by a new nickname and I’ll come back a day later and not know who everyone is talking about… I just can’t take that risk!

    ^^hahaha love it :)
    Good write up.

  • I found the best excuse by accident. Haven’t had a fight all summer thanks to this beauty. I got my missus a kitten for Christmas and every time I do something wrong in her eyes I just point to the fluffy little soccer ball sleeping on the bed and she backs down. I love that cat.