Mmmm… cupcakes

Dream team is like life… a constant string of disappointments. Just a series of events that happen, events that you have no control over because in reality it’s already been mapped out long before you came along and made any insignificant tweaks.

However after you have been playing for a few years you will notice the same things happening over and over again. Just like in life if you learn from what you see you will go some way to getting better. Always remember the old experiment in the Simpsons with the cupcake. The smart mouse got zapped once and never went back; Bart kept going back over and over again and ended up frazzled. Be the mouse.

The first thing you will see is Heath Shaw start the year with one or maybe two 120+ scores. Do not, I repeat DO NOT get sucked in. I did twice before, that cupcake was just too tempting. He will be scoring 50s for you for the rest of the year.

Similarly cupcake number two will be Jarrad Brennan. He will hit the ground running, cruising round the ground with the ball stuck in one palm like a Harlem globetrotter against the loser team. Don’t get sucked in by the two 110+ scores, he will turn out to be the poison cupcake.

This next one seems far fetched at the moment, but I want to stand by my rules. Generally Adam Goodes is the cupcake that takes ages to cook. He is NEVER to be picked until round 12 when he has plummeted half of his original price. He will then go on to average over 110+ for the rest of the year.

The sweetest looking cupcake of all will be Brent Stanton. He will hook around the back of every contest getting cheap kicks to score some HUGE scores early. Do not sample this cake, once the tag hits this premium will be scoring 70s in no time.

Paul Chapman and Shaun Higgins will break as soon as you try take the cupcake out of the paper, peel at your peril. Jed Adcock will get injured in the first quarter of most games – avoid. Luke Shuey will miss games with paper cuts or infected hair follicles or some other ludicrous injury. Don’t even start with Robbie Gray. I’ve been bitten by all these guys……never again.

When the Dream team servers meltdown this Thursday night and your rookie isn’t named DO NOT fall for the Relton Roberts cupcake under the stress of the situation. (How many did he actually eat?) Have faith in your original pick, he will play round 2 and most of the year…. Rockliff or J-Pod anyone?

Finally the most tempting cupcakes of all, the midseason downgrade cupcake. The Muston, the Gysberts, you know the ones…..smell awesome in the oven; you can’t wait to try them! Taste sweet first bite then turn into the stalest thing you ever bought, worse than the top taste cake from Coles. Investigate their past, not just their last 2 games.

After learning from all these lessons in the past I am honing my squad into a team of super reliables. If I pick the right cupcakes I won’t need to eat donuts. No doubt I’ll still see some of you while I’m at the bottom of the ladder because as I said before we have no say in this game, Dream team is a fickle beast.

Any others I’ve forgotten?


  • Classic post! I jumped on the Relton Roberts and Shaw cake last year.

    How about just as quick as you jump onto someone, jumping off them is just as bad. Boomer Harvey last year scoring a lowly under 30 or something ugly last year then coming back the following week scoring a 140+.

    Big mistake to pick up Goodes? I currently have him. I can’t decide between Goodes and Pav but I already have freo players and no swans so I am wanting to keep the Goodes!

    • I’m tossing up between Goodes and Chapman. A lot of positives with both, but plenty of negatives too.

      Do I risk Chappy’s fitness or risk Goodes early season form history?!

      • Went with Pav. Lots of injuries in the Dockers side = more midfield time.

      • Goodes is generally a slow starter to the year. However when I did some research the other day I realized that after 6 games last year he was actually averaging 92.5! I would hardly call that a slow start. The hard bit about deciding whether to go with goodes is knowing bradshaws fitness.

        • i’m hoping the new coach will change things for goodes, Bradshaw will be a couple of weeks late, but he hasnt play in the Nab cup games and goodes has dominated.

        • If you’re priced at 99, 92.5 is a slow start.

        • Love the article, but the bit about Goodes losing half his value is incorrect. He only lost about 70K by Round 9 last year. Normally I want premiums who increase in value a little early, but considering the horrible mix of forward guns this year, Goodes is good value. Besides, he’s a proud guy and unhappy with his form last year. Expect a faster start than normal I reckon, Bradshaw or no Bradshaw.

          I love Chappy, but I have a no preseason, no selection rule in my team.

  • Absolute cracking article! Made me piss my pants laughing! Did shaw & brennan last year. Gonna ride the Higgins train this year. Wish me luck.

    • I like the taste of the Shuey cupcake in 2011. Brown icing and golden inside. I hope it tastes good!

  • didak v goodes v green?

  • what are evryones thoughts on mumford? what is his breakeven? considering im going purely for the league win, would it be better having mumford(all multi byes) or patty ryder( bye on gf day) thanks.

    • i had Relton Roberts last year and one rookie i want to avoid this year is Sean Mckernan….i dont know too much about the Crows line up but i imagine if Kurt Tippet and Taylor Walker are up and about this year then Mckernan might only get 1 or 2 early season games….If he can play a role in defence or in the ruck he might get more game time

      • sorry that wasn’t meant as a reply

        • Crows supporter and even though he is not in my team yet (still have 4 days of changes) think McKernan is almost a lock in the team. IMO Craigy will be picking two of Maric, Jacobs and Mckernan and think McKernan gives him more flexibility. with his natural forward play. From reports he also crashed alot of packs in the pre season and craigy loves that stuff

  • dont just on the seaby train after 2 100s

  • another one, higgins 1 week injurys always turn in to 4-5 week injurys

    • how bout shuey spent all year out with a – virus – 2 weeks on the injury list

  • I have only 1.. mr adam goodes…
    i do remember gysberts as a mis-season last year.. wasnt too happy

  • Once again, I can’t resist the lure of the Masten cupcake.
    Might go Higgins, too, but I reckon he goes from cupcake to qualifying as a full fledged pavlova – covered in fresh fruit and chocolate and so delicious looking, but pure marshmallow in the core.

  • There are CUPCAKES and there are FRUITCAKES (of course I am not referring to the author of this excellent article)

    The FRUITCAKES are the guys that’s soft on the inside. The guys who stands on the outside saying “give it to me so I can kick it for you”

    Mark Williams
    Any Port players (maybe with the exception of Rodan on one leg)

    Please feel free to add to this this

    • Might wana subtract mr reliable aka kane cornes from that list

      • Roughead isn’t soft! Bad kicking doesn’t make a player soft, and his contested possession count is pretty high.

  • After lasy year, i said H.Shaw= never ever again, but something tells me he will play various roles…..mostly wing inmho.
    I’d be very happy if he averaged 80 like last year, hopefully 85ish, sure he’ll cost you a league game win here and there, but early on its all about overall for me, so ill take a bite of that cup cake FOR SHAW, haha.
    245897 dt pro talk cup, come on peeps are you guys such cheapskates? Unreal!!!

    • I forgot josh drummond……. he is the biggest sucker buy of all. If that man was a racehorse the screen would have been brought out by now.

      • +1.
        Mr Drummond fron the 70s sitcom, different strokes, would be harder at it! bahaha

    • And after that awesome spoil on Roo in the GF, i’ll give him a shot!
      only 1 car up for grabs, so no big deal.

      • And if memory serves me correctly had back complaint for a while last year.
        Is my Magpie bias too obvious? lol.

  • i’f rather have heath in my backs, compared to peeps who are putting Goddard in the mids. x1000!

    • And anyone with half a chance of sitting in the ute this year would not have either.

      It’s like saying, I’d rather have a $10 note than a kick in the nuts.

      Useless fu*king comment.

  • I don’t agree that Goodes is generally a slow starter, i thought this too till i actually looked at the stats. Last year he started slow for sure with some massive spud scores. But generally in the past 3-4 years he has an 8 week period where he goes ballistic, this can be at the start middle or end of the year.

    • If Bradshaw was fit and playing, i wouldnt think twice about having Goodes, just worries me he may play way up fwd, and lets face it, his efficiency at goal kicking is Cloke like at times…….well no-one can be as woeful as Cloke, but he can miss those gettable shots!

      • i would of thought goodes is one of the more accurate goal kickers, especially for someone who is often in the midfield.

        • yeah, but has a tendancy to spray them!
          Absolute gun, no offence intended, just remember in games last year that i watched, i was often surprised….
          perhaps its my “selected,” memory?
          For me ive already got Sylvia, so also makes it harder to squeeze him in.

      • When you consider the primo fwds who are MPPs…

        Chappy – no preseason and coming into R1 under an injury cloud
        Didak – minimal preseason and not fully match-fit
        Pav – decent preseason, next best fwd MPP to Goodes coming to R1
        Boomer – good preseason, looks solid for R1
        ROK – after last season and a quiet-ish preseason, who knows?!?

        Besides Boomer and maybe Pav, Goodes looks the… Erm… Goods. That said though, I’m still mighty tempted to include Chappy in my fwd line. :)

        • Doh! Forgot Sylvia. Throw him in the mix with Goodes, Boomer and Pav as fit fwd MPPs.

        • If chappy is selected for rd 1, pick him. I traded roo for chappy last year when roo did his hammy. Best trade of my season, won me a game as captain when he racked up 140 vs Richmond. Sure he is a little riskier than others in terms of injuries but he’ll average 100+ and if he does pick up an injury, he’s probably still gona be the most expensive fwd so you’ll pocket some cash with a trade! Just hope it’s at training and not in a game when he’s on 5 :'(

  • Call me a fat bastard then because I am on the Higgens and Goodes cakes early. So far I’ve just been licking the icing (which is all you can do in the pre-season) but my, oh my, they are tasting good!!

    • i reckon it might be higgins year to turn it around….i mean how many thiorods do you have?, he cant injure that again, and the soft tissues seem to be getting better.

      goodes is tempting, i just recall alot of times ive been able to buy him for under 300k after poor starts, this year could be the new goodes..hes on the shortlist!

  • One cupcake who i ate last year who tasted like shit was carrots. got him about round 13 last year and was not happy. instead of pumping out 90’s like he was earlier in the season he pumped out 60’s and 70’s. one of the biggest mistakes i made last season and will never touch him again.

  • Last year Goodes was not a slow starter, his flat period was actually more in the middle of the season from memory, when he could not take a mark to save his life. Going to jump on him from the get-go this year, never seen him have such a promising pre-season before!

  • Stanton is the biggest DT flirt. Huge pre season scores but will let you down. I love it how people are actually thinking of him

    • agree! I jumped on Stanton when he was peaking last year and wondered how the hell he was averaging 293 frickn points a game when I paid $894,000 for him and started giving me woeful scores in the 70’s and 80’s!! Also did the same with Grundy and Gysberts looked like the next Barlow till I picked his dum ass.

  • Afternoon, ladies and gents.

    I’ve been pondering Hurley in my backline… pros include DPP, reasonably cheap at approx. $260K, will play every game, and is apparently due for a breakout season.

    However, will a breakout translate into DT points? I can see him cracking the odd 80-90 point game, but he seems just as likely to score 40 or 50 (as happened in the NAB cup). Kicking long into the forward line this year might suit him, but can the Bombers midfielders get it to him regularly. Also, with Gumbleton coming back and posing another tall marking target, will Hurley’s supply get diluted?

    As a Bombers fan, I would love to have him in there, but I can’t see him averaging more than 70-75 this season. There appears to be players in the same price range with a potential for greater improvement.

    For example, Suckling offers some potential value at around $220K, but I’m left wondering whether his NAB cup form has been inflated by the likes of Hodge being absent so far. Clarko reckons he’ll be a big improver, for what that’s worth.


    • Also a big Hurley fan, but as a still-learning/maturing half-fwd, he’ll be too inconsistent for me to consider.

    • If you want dpp and good nab numbers have a look at astbury around 190k….
      For me the low to mid range players are worse than the cup cakes.

      Guys like Gumbleton, or Shultz suck the life out of you. There like cupcakes without the icing. They average 60ish…thats it they are not going to get better…they get a1 week injury, and because the rookie that replaced them is better it can take them 3 weeks to get back in the team.
      Do that 2 times a year and now you have a never going to be more than averge mr 60 who only plays 15 games a year.

  • Ryan Hargrave is the entire Pavlova, thank god he is injured and not tempting me with his sweet price.

  • whats the go with the assistant coaches analyzer projected round 1 score, it tells me i will have a better projected score if i take out deledio for adcock and knights for hurley.

    can anyone explain ?

    • the assistant coach this is a load of crap haha

      • well only the projected score side of it…

        • It’s only really dodgy because it’s based on a small sample size of statistics. Riewoldt and Goddard’s score’s are probably just as bad.

          DT is rarely just about the numbers. knowledge, strategy, injury, aswell as cockhead coaches who play players out of position, or refuse to play the best rookies.

          Sadly, it’s always my players who get the raw end of the shaft.

          Such is DT.


    • Warnie explained it somewhere already…… i think youll find it will change dramatically, as be more accurate once they’ve played their first game…….something to that effect.

  • I was the biggest cupcaker of the year last season.

    Got sucked in by Relton Roberts, Higgins, J Brown, Stanton :(


    • Brownie is an exception tho, wouldn’t put him in the cupcake box. The frustration was the lack of info coming from the Lions camp regarding the extent of his injury. I had him last year to – would have been nice if Voss had come out and said he had OP or a lingering abdominal injury early on so we could have jumped off him.

    • Haha i had a double dose of J Brown cake last year…Now if i hear the words brown, and groin in the same sentence i smell cake…

  • Is Tyrone Vickery a cupcake ??

    • only time will tell

      • dammit.

        • Having said that – he has huge potential for improvement and will get plenty of game time so his average will increase. At his price he could be worth the risk.

          • Thinking of having Vickery or Hale as an expensive-ish R3. Vickery cos I’m fairly certain he’ll get game time this season and can cover Sandi/Cox; Hale cos he’ll definitely get game time and can cover Sandi/Cox and MPP to the fwd line to cover Petrie.

            But it’s such a waste having to lash out an extra 70-80k for bench cover, isn’t it?!?

    • I’ve gone with cox/vickery as my starters.

      I’m confident vickery will play, especially early. And he will score as well as any of the average rucks like hawks Renouf…To exspensive to have on the bench. He will eventually by some miracle metamorph into Sandilands.

      • trust me vickery will play every game, big part of our plans

        • im bullish about vickery also..even if he does not perform every week i reckon he will keep getting games because richmond need games into guys like him.

  • Yeah especially when you can just get smith

  • adzman: wow, sounds like you’ve been burnt A LOT….you havent left many players to choose from ;-)

    so who do YOU have in your team then?

    • ive been turned…. im again taking the goodes and higgins temptations…… no risk no reward!

      apart from that no others from this list. I can’t tell my full team because my big opponent reads this forum, ive spent the past 2 months hiding every little detail and sending him up the gardern path with false clues…. can’t give up with the end in sight!

      I did trick him into getting easten wood in his side cause he thought i had him, but not even he was silly enough to keep him after those pre-season numbers.

      • ahhhh i see, well, yeah i was a bit shocked because i had goodes, higgins and even (dare i say it) heath shaw locked in

        but now, after reading all this, im going to drop heath shaw
        but i still think goodes and higgins are a keeper

        now im a little lost
        need a good defender under 340k
        plz dont mention grimes, everitt or any freo or carlton players
        been there, done that

        • goodluck if your that fussy, ha ;)

          • haha no no
            it just means im already loaded up in DEF with Adel, Melb and Freo
            dont need anymore as im going for the car and i’ll have a shocker R16

            and have everitt and gibbs too

      • maybe thats what your trying to do then, making your opponent and US thinking you dont have any of those players when in fact you really do

        maybe its mind games

        maybe you want them all to yourself

  • It’s very hard to predict if a cupcake will continue to produce the same lack of quality.
    This list has surely screwed most of us over at some stage, but I reckon there are 2 or 3 players in there that may just turn into something substantial.
    In the sake of keeping my pride in case they back fire, I won’t name names.
    Ok I will, I lied. Higgins and Goodes, lock and load!

  • I reckon OP has coined a new phrase here.

  • Probably the funniest post ive ever read, what a classic.
    However it is as true as anything that has ever been written.
    Do people also consider Sylvia and Gram a cupcake?
    I surely do.

    • i would have found it funny if we hadnt tore apart half my DT

      • The Adam Goodes cupcake takes the cake.
        Everyone that picks him up early in the season hate him so much!
        Come rnd 13 BOOM. Just chuck the C on him and watch him cut sick

        • King of losers, I don’t know what you are trying to say here. I for one will go for Goodes cup cake and will enjoy it before round 13.
          I am forced to agree with you in that I think this was one of the funniest article i have read on DT Talk. Good stuff.

    • Was waiting to see if anyone mentioned Grammy. He can get some huge scores, worse than Shaw because he has DPP and at least Shaw gets all his good scores in succession then goes bad consistently. Grammy will score a 139 then a 40, another great one then last year got 15, injured and out for weeks. I tried two years in a row to time picking him up after a shite score then when i got as good as i could hope for he was out for 6 weeks. I still love his game, not a STK man at all but he can get a midfielder’s score while being your fourth backman. Just the 8th backman scores he gets a week later that let you down

      • dpp is that philadelphia cheese icing that your mum made and you think the one in the shop has the same stuff but it’s just the same colour and tastes funny

      • Gram cost me last year as well.

  • Ryan Hargraves
    Kirk Tippett
    Taylor Walker

  • BRENDAN FEVOLA biggest fruitcake of them all

  • What about the Gia/Carrazzo cupcake?
    Its tastes so good you just cant get enough and then you feel sick for the next 15 weeks!

    • If he’d go in for the hard ball, he’d be an out-and-out gun, instead of the streaky marshmallow he is. Drove me nuts last year!

    • I found Gia is very sweet tasting when you omit a slice of Boyd from the recipie, yummy

  • Who to pick between Sylvia and Goodes ??

  • Petrie = this years cupcake

    • Wrong.

      • I’ve got Petrie but if he was a cake he’d be made of the freshest best ingredients that you got for half the price you’d usually pay for on sale but you can’t put him straight in the oven, you have to wait for it to heat up, then put him in but only for 5 minutes and then take him out again, only to put him back in again and he takes ages till he actually starts to rise and you sure hope he ends up tasting good because you’ve had to reorganise 14 other cakes around him that were all set to go straight in the oven. And even then you’re wondering does he belong in the fanforced oven or the frikn gas oven and all the dramas that go along with choosing which!!!

  • Off subject but does the overall ranking in points include the finals-right up to round 24 or the winner is announced at the conclusion of Rd 20??

  • leigh harding killed me