If this was Andre 3000’s Rooks, and I was shaking polaroid pictures and “just being honest”, then I’d own up and admit that this weekly post is now about as redundant as the 
legs on handball-happy pair Daniel Cross and Sam Mitchell. “Why is it redundant, Andre 3000?”, you might ask, before adding: “Man, that Hey Ya song was hella catchy, but how massive is your ego that, like, in the video, there was, like, seven versions of yourself playing in the band?”
I can’t speak for Andre, but I think the answer to the second question is “super massive”, (I mean, the dude was singing, and playing guitar, and playing keys, and playing drums…) As for the first question about the continuing usefulness of this column, well, let’s see…
1. Almost all the decent rookies from this year’s crop of fledgling footballers have already fled the coup. If you’re holding out for the next Rhys Palmer, there isn’t one.
2. No one has any trades left to be wasting on young-uns anyway, and;
3. My computer crashed last week and I lost the FFGenie file that I’d created to keep tabs on this year’s rookies. Oh baby, that was a painful pill to swallow.
But, thankfully, this isn’t Andre 3000’s Rooks. It’s Chook’s Rooks, and, around here, we’re not big on being honest. We ignore the cold, hard truth that all the cash cows fattened up so long ago that they’ve since been brought in for slaughter, feed into mincers and are now lying Glad-wrapped on shelves in supermarket meat sections around Australia. At Chook’s Rooks, we pretend that there is a DTer out there, somewhere, with more than three trades left to burn. And at Chook’s Rooks, we don’t let statistics get in the way of a good story.
Three-or-more gamers
There are a couple of newbies who haven’t hit the skids just yet. Shane Valenti is one. He’s got a breakeven of -38, slightly better than Jake Edwards’ -30. And Nick Lower, Alan Obst and Gavin Urquhart all have breakevens of 0 or less. And then there’s a handful of other blokes, like Chris Mayne, Clayton Hinkley, Tom Lonergan, Jarryd Morton, Tim Houlihan, Jamie McNamara and Garrick Ibbotson, who have got a bit of growth left yet. But, for the most part, the three-or-more gamers are - like I said in the needlessly long intro - minced meat. The best of the lot, Rhys Palmer, dropped $5k last week and will continue his gradual slide on the stock market with a b/e of 98 and a date with the Pink Pig this weekend. His price isn’t a concern if you’re keeping him as your seventh or back-up midfielder for the rest of the season, but the fact that he’ll more regularly cop a tag now that Peter Bell has retired is. On the positive side, Rhys is unlikely to get that rest his coach had touted now that Ding-Dong is gone, and the 2008 Rising Star winner (c’mon, it’s a fait accompli) has shown he can handle a tag reasonably well anyway. David Myers owners would have been pissed to hear the Bomber defender is out for four weeks; he was making good money and, more importantly, was filling in for broken backs in a lot of paraplegic teams. It’s definitely time to offload Kieren Jack and Brad Ebert if you want to make a decent profit. Both leaked about $5k last week, but are Stuart Dew for drops of $15k and $10k this week respectively. It’s even worse news for Ryley Dunn owners. After three abysmal scores (31, 9 and 12), the Fremantle centre has already dropped $15k and is facing another $15k loss this week unless he can improve on his 17-point average. Damn, not even Pies defender Nathan Brown, who clearly learned everything he knows about DT from Simon Prestigia-comb-over, is that bad. Seriously, if you bought Dunn recently, your DT side should suspend you until you’ve had your head checked, Barry Hall style.
In a nut-shell: If you’re in it for the money, and you’ve got some trades up your sleeve, then now’s the time to sell, sell, sell on pretty much everyone here bar those handful of low b/e guys.
Two-gamers
Downgrading? St Kilda centre Robert Eddy ($72,600) has a mouth-watering b/e of -62, but the Saints are trialling quite a few new faces this season, so consistent selection could be a problem.
In a nut-shell: Scoring-wise, Eddy and Hansen look the best bet here, but be warned: their coaches have killed off other cash cows before their Stuart Dew date. (I am loving that Stuart Dew thing, huh?)
One-gamers
Two backs and two rucks debuted last week, which is gnarly at best and interesting at least for coaches with the likes of Beau Waters, Myers, Brett Jones, Hamish McIntosh, Brendan Lade, Josh Fraser and Daniel Gilmore. Josh Head continued the tradition of high-scoring Freo rookies (and made Dunn’s scores look even worse) by busting out a 68 on debut, while Fabian Deluca, Joe Anderson and Stefan Martin all scored in the 45-35 bracket. Deluca has the chance to take the Power’s ruck reins from Lade, but will need to show more before he permanently dislodges the former DT stud.
In a nut-shell: The (green, white and) purple Head warrior could definitely harden up and become as potent as teammates Palmer, Ibbotson, Mayne and, to a lesser extent, Hinkley, but only a pussy would insert him this week. Wait another round, because you’d feel like a right dick if he cocked up this weekend and limped off with a groin injury, for example, before a single price erection, er, rise.
Love you work chook, will be considering Eddy closely this week
I love the flashing pics Chook, but I forgot my glasses and can’t read your article haha. AND STOP WRECKING MY CALVIN’S CAPTAIN HEADING arrgg
Don’t know what’s going on with the font. Have played around and should be okay now.
Oh, and you can add West Coast’s permed one to that list of blokes who don’t need legs. He handballs like a man possessed.
Thanks for fixing that…Warnie maybe? or did you fix that Chook, great game last night by Chook. Clearly best on in the Rockets 25pts win!
Your heading should be good now, too, Calvin. Why don’t you cash in one of your good mids for Ryley Dunn, Calvin? It would give me a chance in our head-to-head battle this weekend.
MAGNIFICENT WORK CHOOK!!
Great read… again… anyone got some trades to give me so I can cash some stuff in??!!
Oh, thanks, Cal and Warnie. Guess there’s no recess duty for you either!
Nope… just had it - cold out there too! Back now to a free lesson… haha!! Love it… come to a high school man… its now DT time! Thinking all about trades that I don’t have… grr… its depressing!
Anyway… onto the rooks, I would love to cash in Wonna right now… but can’t afford it - and have to make the choice out of him and Urquhart to play on the ground. Who would you be going this week Chook? Wonna or Urquy?? Hmm…
hahaha, andre 3000. fuck yeah.
your a funny man chook!
urquhart scored 73 last time round didn’t he? and 70 odd the week before that.
im not sure how good wonna is doing, but urq’s been covering for mcleod, and im very happy at what he’s doing.
Yeah… Urquhart is the man… I think Wonna is bench fodder… so, he can stay there!!
Down to Harry Taylor and Wonna on the pine! Playing Ibbotson and Urquhart on the ground… not enough trades to upgrade Wonna to a good defender… and leave Urquhart on the pine… I need to sit on these for all of those LTI’s coming.. haha… (or stupid coaches dumping people like Jeff White the week after I buy him… grr)…
yo warndawg.
do you reckon cox being rested is a certainty?
i realise the eagles tongue balls this year, so there’s no point in injuring him further, but why havent they rested him already?
just keen for your opinion
He will not be playing in the Grand Final (DT GF - the one that matters)… That is my tip!! I dont know… his foot isn’t right… but they have nursed it for so long now… it’s only a matter of time!! I don’t have him… and wouldn’t get him for that reason. But he is still scoring well, and what I’d do is keep a trade and dump him for whoever you want when the time comes (ie. he will still be the most expensive ruck at the end of the year)…
Khy - you could always contact the Eagles and ask them directly:
Phone: (08) 9381 1111
Email: football@wce.com.au
haha. do a warnie and call the club regarding dt.
i might actually.
i like sitting top of my league.
no way im coming 2nd cuz my big cox stops doing his thing
im getting eddy this week so i can upgrade palmer 2 bartel n hav 121k in the bank 2 upgrade rioli nxt week, but then ill only hav 1 trade left…crap
i wasn’t too sure about Josh Head until you talked him up in possibly the most sexual innuendo laden paragraph ever put on paper. thanks again, chook!
Great section as usual - looks like a downgrade for Eddy.
Anyone known what time the teams around going to come out - waiting on news about Robbie Gray and Chad C and Chad Jones.
whats the stewie dew thing?
dew due
Teams have to be with AFL by 5, I believe, so are usually in wide circulation (including right here at DT Talk) soonafter.
Daisy Is A Gun: The Eddy trade will make you lots of cash, but make sure you’ve got another back-up on the pine as well, because I’m not sure Eddy will be a certain Saint until the end of the season. And you do need playing back-ups when your trade barrel runs dry.
Cheers, G-Bang. It’s only taken until round 15 to resort to dick jokes, so I’m pumped, er, happy.
thanks chook
Chook, i have 7 trades left 180,000 in the bank and im top of my league by 2 games, i was thinking of downgrading cale morton 4 eddy! Should i do it or should i just wait a few weeks??
Depends how settled our team is, Dog. If you’re pretty happy and don’t see too many players needing upgrades, then hang on to those trades.
Sure you’ll make good cash on the Morton-to-Eddy trade, but you’ve already got a bit of coin in the bank for upgrades. Late in the season, most of your trades will be to swap an injured gun for someone of similar value, so you won’t need heaps of cash… just enough trades. They’re like gold down the track, so, like I said, if you’re happy with your side then hang on to those bad boys.